Misery Loves Maggody

"Please don't think I've been eavesdropping," he said. "I stepped off the path to-ah, have a moment to myself before returning to the van for the drive to Tupelo. When I heard voices, I thought it prudent to wait. However, it's very close to departure time and I have no desire to spend another night at the Starbright Motel."

Estelle and Ruby Bee glared at each other, then mutely stalked off toward the van with Rex behind them. Several of the pilgrims were already there; Taylor could be seen through one of the windows, her paperback inches from her nose. Stormy sat behind her, filing her nails. Baggins had the hood raised and was examining the dipstick.

Estelle was still fuming, so she took the seat next to Taylor. Ruby Bee plunked herself down next to Stormy, and moments later, Cherri Lucinda climbed aboard, sighed loudly, and sat down beside Rex.

Estelle did a quick nose count, then frowned at Taylor. "Where's Todd?"

"Curled up on the floor in back and feeling sorry for himself-as if it wasn't all his own fault. It looks as though I'll spend my honeymoon holding his head over a commode."

"Could it be something more than a hangover?"

"Like the flu? Considering the amount he had to drink last night, I doubt it. One of these days he's going to have to grow out of this frat-boy mentality. His father's law firm is very conservative, which is one of the reasons it's so prestigious. I have no intention of living on a legal-aid-clinic salary"

"I suppose not," Estelle said. "Did you and Todd take the tour of Graceland?"

"He took a tour of the men's room at the visitors center, and then we came back here. I've already done the tour, and Todd's eyeballs are so befogged that he can't see anything beyond his eyelashes. Perhaps this is one of those things that will seem hilarious in ten years, but at the moment it's hard to see much humor in it."

Rex leaned forward, and in a conspiratorial whisper, said, "Could he be malingering in order to postpone the nuptials?"

"Don't be absurd?" said Taylor. "Todd may not seem enthusiastic about eloping, but he's just as eager as I am to get married and prove to his parents that he's prepared to settle down."

Estelle smiled reassuringly at her. "Of course he is. I'd bet some of his upset is due to excitement about the wedding. What time will it be?"

"Will I have a chance to rent a tux?" added Rex.

Taylor 's hands were fluttery, but her voice was stiff as she said, "At seven o'clock. The site closes at four this time of year, but after some wheedling and the promise of a donation, one of the staff agreed to come back and let us in the chapel for a private ceremony. I tried to find out which motel we're staying in so I could arrange for a cake and a bottle of champagne, but Miss Vetchling refused to say."

"That's because," said Baggins as he took his place behind the wheel, "our travel plans have changed. We ain't staying the night in Tupelo."

"What?" yelped Taylor.

"It's like this," Baggins went on, watching them in the rearview mirror in case he needed to make a hasty exit. "It turns out that every motel in Tupelo is booked up for tonight. Shriners, I think they said. You know-those guys that wear fu

Taylor shot to her feet with such fury that she banged her head on the van's ceiling. Wobbling just a bit, she said, "Baggins, I could wring your neck? Why didn't you tell us this earlier? Don't pretend you haven't been listening to every word we've said? If I'd known this yesterday, I would have tried to change the arrangements."

"I just found out about it myself. Miss Vetchling was still working on it when we left yesterday morning. I called her while you all were at Graceland, and that's when she told me. We're supposed to check into The Luck of the Draw over near Tunica by six o'clock, which means we have to leave Tupelo no later than three. If we're not there on time, they'll release the rooms and we'll have to go back to the Starbright for the night."

"You'll have to kill me first," said Stormy, "'cause that's the only way to make me spend another minute in that place?" She looked wildly at the others. "You would not believe the size of the hairy spider I found in the sink this morning? I'm almost positive it was one of those poisonous tarantulas from South America! What's more, I saw drug dealers out by the pool most of the night." She took out a cigarette and jammed it between her lips. "And don't give me any shit about smoking. I am so damn tired of being told that I can't smoke I could scream. Anybody worried about the danger of second-hand screaming?"

"But what about my wedding?" wailed Taylor, tears dribbling down her cheeks. "The justice of the peace can't come until after he gets off work."

"Could this be the classic example of a pair of star-cross'd lovers?" Rex said. "Can we look forward to daggers and poison?"

He might have been pla

"Can't do nothing about Shriners," he said.

Taylor crumpled into the seat and buried her face in her hands. "It was going to be so romantic," she said between noisy gulps and hiccups. "I brought a cassette player and a tape so Elvis could be singing in the background during the ceremony. Todd's mother wanted flower girls, bridesmaids, elaborate flowers, candles, a professional photographer, and all of that, but I just-I just wanted something different-special-something to tell our children and our grandchildren about. I think I'm going to be sick?"

A crude sound from the back of the van indicated that Todd had beaten her to it.

6

The Lack of the Draw Casino & Hotel could have been a stepchild of the fabled Las Vegas Strip. Lights flashed and flickered on every surface, and above the main entrance was a giant poker hand (aces and eights, oddly enough) outlined in red neon stripes. People were streaming in and out the doors, and the parking lot was filling up at a good clip.

Baggins stopped in a loading zone and looked back at his charges. "I reckon we're here," he a

"For all of twenty minutes," said Cherri Lucinda with a grimace. "I felt like a calf at a slaughterhouse. I'm surprised you didn't chase after us with a cattle prod."

Estelle wasn't any happier. "I barely had time to stick my head in the chapel before you started hollering." She smiled at Taylor, who hadn't said a word since Memphis and had refused to set foot out of the van in Tupelo. "It was real pretty inside, with stained-glass windows and wood pews. It's a dadgum shame you couldn't have your wedding there, and I'll be the first to give Miss Vetchling a piece of my mind when we get home. The nerve of her switching the itinerary like that!"

"Perhaps," Rex said, "there's a wedding chapel on the premises here. If not, we can inquire about a bowling alley or a pancake house. Those are the fundamental hubs of social interaction in Mississippi. I'm sure weddings are not unusual in such establishments."

Stormy stubbed out a cigarette in a cup she'd been utilizing as an ashtray and aimed a finger at him. "That's enough out of you, asshole? You've been picking on her since the moment we left Farberville. I may not have a college degree, but my mama taught me to be polite to other people, no matter what they've done in the past. If you say one more rude thing to her, I'm go