Hitched

“Yes. Why?”

“You just sound weird. You’re talking about your bachelor party with your best friends-you shouldn’t have to try too hard to have fun. Just don’t have too good a time. Oh-I don’t suppose you went to the bank today.”

“Why would I go to the bank today?” he asked, his voice tense.

“To get our travelers’ checks. Remember?”

“I thought I’d do that Monday.”

“Well I guess you have all next week. We’ve been going through a lot of money lately. That’s why I want to be sure to have travelers’ checks for our honeymoon. Unlike cash, if the checks are stolen, they can be replaced.”

Pauly swallowed hard. “Getting married is expensive.”

“Try being the bride. Then you’d know expensive.”

“No thanks.”

“One day I hope you’ll be the father of the bride,” Bria

Nervous apprehension swept through Pauly’s body. “Of course we are,” he said, forcing himself to sound confident. “Of course we are.”

22

Joyce had had an unusually rough day at the pet store. Most of her customers were nice normal people who, like her, were animal lovers. But not today. Joyce figured that there must be a full moon lurking. In the couple of hours before closing time, the eccentrics had come out of the woodwork.

Teddy, the store’s owner, had seen a catalogue that advertised life preservers for dogs. As a lark, he ordered a dozen. They’d come in and to everyone’s surprise had sold out almost immediately. Some of the store’s longtime customers had their noses out of joint that they weren’t notified in advance about this latest canine accessory.

“Of course I would have bought two,” one woman a

Joyce knew that the closest those dogs got to the Hamptons was the fire hydrant at the end of their block. “I’ll call the manufacturer and see if we can get more in,” she promised sweetly.

Another customer was getting married and had ordered a doggy necklace to match the one her fiancé had given her. It hadn’t come in yet. The wedding was six months away, but the bride was in a tizzy.

“This is making me incredibly nervous,” the bride complained as she petted her little black poodle. The poodle looked bored as it stared at Joyce.

“We have plenty of time,” Joyce assured the bride.

“Fifi wants her necklace now, don’t you, Fifi,” the woman said, kissing the poodle on the top of his fluffy head. “Fifi wants to look pretty at my wedding.”

Fifi yawned as the customer in line behind them rolled her eyes. “Hey, lady, did you hear about the stolen wedding dresses in Manhattan? Two guys broke into a fancy designers’ loft in the middle of the night and made off with several wedding dresses and all the money and jewelry in the safe. Now that’s something to be upset about. How would you like to be getting married next week and have no dress?”

Fifi’s mommy did not seem particularly concerned. “You can find wedding gowns everywhere. Not these necklaces. Joyce, please call me the moment it arrives.”

“I will.”

“Come along, Fifi. Mommy wants to buy you a special treat.”

Fifi didn’t protest. Actually, the dog had no choice. She was still in her mother’s arms. Together they exited the store.

“I’m telling you,” the next customer began as she took the doggie toys out of her shopping basket and placed them on the counter, “if that designer had a dog like my King, those dresses would have gone nowhere, that’s for sure. King would have taken a piece out of those two guys’ hides. My King would never let anyone hurt me.”

“They say it’s two guys?” Joyce asked off handedly as she rung up the purchases.

“Yeah, two guys. How much do I owe you?”

“Thirty-nine ninety-seven.”

“It’s worth every pe

When Joyce finally arrived home, she was grateful that the house was empty except for the parrot who would always be there for her. When she bought Romeo, she was told that the life span of your average parrot is seventy years. That gave them a lot of time together. It also gave Romeo a lot of time to pick up new phrases.

“Lazy bums! Lazy bums! Arrrhhhhh.”

“No, Romeo, it’s just me,” Joyce said, walking over to the cage. “The lazy bums have gone out for the night.”

“You’re so chicken! You’re so chicken!”

“What?” Joyce asked her bird. She’d never heard him use this expression before.

“You’re so chicken!”

“What are you talking about?” Joyce laughed.

“You’re so chicken!”

“Did Marco teach you that?”

“Hello!”

“Hello, Romeo.” Joyce reached out and patted his feathers. She loved her bright green parrot with his yellow crown, and appreciated his companionship, but wished she could have a dog as well. The problem was, Francis was allergic to dogs and cats. In a million years, no dating service would have paired them up, but as Joyce explained to her mother, “What looks good on paper doesn’t always work in real life. And vice versa.”

“Vice versa, my foot,” argued her mother, an animal lover if there ever was one. “It’s never going to work. And a dog, unlike most people, will never let you down.”

Joyce gave Romeo his favorite treat, yogurt covered raisins, then walked into the bathroom. Again she noticed the bloody paper napkins in the garbage. Francis had a bad nosebleed a couple months ago. All of a sudden she felt panicked. What if there was something really wrong with him? She hurried into the kitchen and started to dial his cell phone. But before the co

Why should I call him? she thought as she stood there with the phone in her hand. He’s obviously well enough to take off for Atlantic City for the evening. The phone rang, startling her out of her reverie. It was Cindy.

“Are you ready to go out and paint the town red tonight?” Cindy asked.

“I will be,” Joyce answered.

“Good. I’ll pick you up at eight. After di

“Great,” Joyce said, trying to sound enthusiastic. Her energy was waning and she was tempted not to go. But she knew Cindy would be upset if she backed out now.

“It will be great! My friend’s group is taking out a girl who’s getting married next week-the poor girl’s wedding dress was shredded at a break-in in Manhattan. Four other dresses were stolen…”

“I just heard about that!” Joyce interrupted.

Cindy laughed. “My friend said if this girl Bria

“Sounds like we’re go

“We’ll make it interesting. I’ll pick you up at eight.”

“You’re so chicken!” Romeo squawked as Joyce hung up the phone.

Joyce smiled as she headed into the bathroom. A nice hot bath will relax me, she thought. But when she looked down again at the sight of the bloody napkin, her sense of unease intensified. She shook her head and realized again that she was fed up with having Marco around. I’m going to have to lay down the law, she thought. If Francis doesn’t get rid of him, then I’ll throw them both out. Who knows? Maybe I’ll meet someone new tonight.

Somehow Joyce sensed that the winds of change were blowing around her life. She took off her clothes, stepped into the tub, and eased her body down into the soothing warm water.