Forrest Gump

First week we started doin that, the guy I beat arm rasslin wanted a chance to git back his five bucks an I gave it to him. He tried two or three times more an in the end lost bout twenty-five dollars an after that he didn't come back no more. But they was always some other feller wanted to try his luck an after a month or two they was guys comin from all over town an from other little towns too. Dan an me, we is pullin in bout a hundrit fifty or two hundrit dollars a week, which weren't bad, let me tell you. An the owner of the tavern, he is sayin he go

One day a feller come into the tavern that was wearin a white suit an a Hiwaian shirt an a lot of gold jewelry aroun his neck. He set up at the bar wile I was finishin off some guy at arm rasslin an then he come an set down at our table.

"Name's Mike," he say, "an I have heard bout you."

Dan axed what has he heard, an Mike say, "That this feller here is the strongest man in the world."

"What of it?" Dan says, an the feller say, "I think I got a idea how you can make a hell of a lot more money than this nickel an dime shit you're doin here."

"How's that?" Dan say.

"Rasslin," says Mike, "but not this piss-ant stuff—I mean the real thing. In a ring with hundrits of thousands of payin customers."

"Rasslin who?" Dan axed.

"Whoever," says Mike. "They is a circuit of professional rasslers—The Masked Marvel, The Incredible Hulk, Georgeous George, Filthy McSwine—you name em. The top guys make a hundrit, two hundrit thousand dollars a year. We's start your boy here off slow. Teach him some of the holds, show him the ropes. Why, I bet in no time he'd be a big star—make everybody a pile of money."

Dan look at me, say, "What you think, Forrest?"

"I du

"Shrimp!" says Mike. "Why boy, you can make fifty times more money doing this than shrimpin! Don't have to do it all your life—just a few years, then you'll have something to fall back on, money in the bank, a nest egg."

"Maybe I ought to axe Je

"Look," Mike say, "I come here to offer you a chance of a lifetime. You don't want it, jus say so, an I'll be on my way."

"No, no," Dan say. Then he turn to me. "Listen, Forrest, some of what this feller say make sense. I mean, how else you go

"Tell you what," Mike say, "you can even take your buddy here with you. He can be your manager. Anytime you want to quit, you're free to do it. What do you say?"

I thought bout it for a minute or so. Sounded pretty good, but usually they is some catch. Nevertheless, I open my big mouth an say the fatal word: "Yes."

Well, that's how I become a professional rassler. Mike had his office in a gymnasium in downtown Indianapolis an ever day me an Dan would catch the bus down there so's I could get taught the proper way to rassle.

In a nutshell, it was this: nobody is sposed to get hurt, but it sposed to look like they do.

They be teachin me all sorts of things—half-nelsons, the airplane spin, the Boston crab, the pile driver, hammerlocks an all such as that. Also, they taught Dan how to yell an scream at the referee, so as to cause the greatest commotion.

Je

One day they is tryin to show me somethin called "the belly flop," where I is sposed to go flyin thru the air to lan on top of somebody but at the last minute he rolls away. But somehow, I keep screwin it up, an two or three times I lan right on the feller afore he gits a chance to move out the way. Finally Mike come up into the ring an say, "Jesus, Forrest—you some kind of idiot or somethin! You could hurt somebody that way, a big ole moose like you!"

An I says, "Yep—I am a idiot," an Mike say, "What you mean?" an then Dan, he say for Mike to come over to him for a secont an he splain somethin to him, an Mike say, "Good God! Is you kiddin?" an Dan shake his head. Mike look at me an shrug his shoulders an say, "Well, I guess it takes all kinds."

Anyway, bout a hour later Mike come ru

"I've got it!" he shoutin.

"Got what?" Dan axed.

"His name! We have to give Forrest a name to rassle under. It just came to me what it is."

"What might that be?" Dan say.

"The Dunce!" says Mike. "We will dress him up in diapers an put a big ole dunce cap on his head. The crowd will love it!"

Dan think for a minute. "I du

"It's only for the crowd," Mike say. "He has to have a gimmick of some sort. All the big stars do it. What could be better than The Dunce!"

"How about callin him The Spaceman?" say Dan. "That would be appropriate. He could wear a plastic helmet and some ante

"They already got somebody called The Spaceman," Mike says.

"I still don't like it," Dan say. He looks at me, an axed, "What you think, Forrest?"

"I don't really give a shit," I says.

Well, that was the way it was. After all them months of trainin I am finally bout to make my debut as a rassler. Mike come in to the gym the day before the big match an he has a box with my diaper an a big ole black dunce cap. He say to be back at the gym at noon tomorrow so he can drive us to my first rasslin match which is in Muncie.

That night when Je

"Forrest, what on earth?" Je

"It's his costume," say Dan.

"It makes you look like a fool," she say.

"Look at it this way," Dan says. "It's like he is in a play or somethin."

"He still looks like a fool," says Je

"It's only to make money," Dan say. "They got one guy called 'The Vegetable' that wears turnip greens for a jockstrap an puts a hollowed-out watermelon over his head with little eyes cut out for him to see thru. Another guy calls himself 'The Fairy,' an has wings on his back an carries a wand. Sumbitch probly weighs three hundred pounds—you oughta see him."

"I don't care what the rest of them do," Je

I gone on back to the bathroom an took off the costume. Maybe Je