Requiem for a Dream

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All the radiators clicked, but they were still cold. The panic continued and they were back to the old routine of scuffling the streets, just getting enough to get straight and nothing more. Marion was able to keep a good supply of sleeping pills in the house through her doctors, but she was still hysterical most of the time. Those mornings when they woke up and there was nothing in the house, having used the last the night before when their disease convinced them that it would be alright, that they wouldnt be sick in the morning, she became hysterical and trembled as she shot up a sleeping pill, occasionally blowing a shot and burning her arm so it swelled and turned red and she cried and yelled at Harry that it was his fault they didnt have their morning shot. What the hell you talkin about? Youre the one who was all hot in the fuckin biscuit to get off again last night. Well one bag wasnt enough. Its not my fault it was no good. I needed the other bag. Thats a bunch a bullshit. You couldve made it on that bag. You wouldve nodded out and slept like you always do. I do not nod and sleep, and you know that. And if I could have made it on that bag, why didnt you? You were all for using it last night. Sure, why not? Whatta my gonta do? just sit and watch you get high and not get high myself? Then just dont put all the weight on me, thats all. And leave me alone. You made me blow the first shot and now my arm is all messed up and I dont know where Im going to hit. What the fuck ya mean I made ya blow the shot? And whose the one goin out in this fuckin weather to cop? Youre the only one who can. If I could I would. Theres no joy sitting here alone, waiting. Ah fuck you, eh? Just let me get off and get out there and see whats happenin. Harry shot up a couple of the goof balls and tried to think a bigger and better flash than he got, and tried to think himself higher than he was, but though he didnt succeed, he wasnt sick and would be able to get down some hot chocolate that would help. As his body and mind started to calm slightly he saw Marion trying to get a hit with her left hand and she was trembling so much she was going to blow this fix too, so Harry told her he/d help her. Krist, youll kill yourself. He tied her up and rubbed her arm until a good vein came up then tapped the needle into the vein and they both stared, waiting for the blood to bubble up, and when it did Marion put her hand on the dropper, Let me, let me. Harry shrugged and sat back and Marion squeezed the fluid into her vein, then booted a couple of times, closing her eyes as the hot flush burned her body and a wave of nausea flushed through her and attacked her head momentarily, then when it subsided she opened her eyes and dropped her works in the glass of water. You okay? Marion nodded. Youd better lay off that shit. Youll burn up all your veins. If you get up tight, just drop a couple like you used to and drink the hot chocolate. Marion just looked at him and he shrugged, saying nothing. They both knew that suggestion was absurd, that sticking that needle in their arm was important, and just dropping a couple of pills, no matter how good it made them feel, just wasnt the same. They had to shoot them. Tyrone called and said he heard there was something happening so Harry hustled from the house. They pooled their money because Tyrone would be doing the copping, each one holding out enough for a few bags, just in case, and not telling the other. It had been happening so automatically that neither one thought much of it or even pla

ed it. They simply held back money, telling the other one that was all they had. They decided to blow some of the money on a cab so they could get there faster, not wanting to blow it because they were too late. It was another scene where it was there, or at least it seemed to be, but it was also a waiting game, and so they waited, standing on the street, stamping their feet, hands buried deep in their jackets, trying to keep their backs to the bitter cold wind, it being too cold to even smoke a cigarette, afraid to go into a coffee shop for fear they might miss the man. And so they waited and shivered hoping ta krist that someone wasnt ru

ing a story down on them.

Marion sat at the kitchen table for a while, drinking hot chocolate and then coffee, trying to think of some way to not think, of some way to busy her mind, but all she could do was just sit there trying not to look at her watch and looking at it without noticing the time. She almost laughed out loud as she suddenly remembered, They also serve who only sit and wait. Wait! God Almighty it seemed like she had spent her entire life waiting. Waiting for what???? Waiting to live. Yes, that was it alright, waiting to live. It seemed like she had become aware of that in therapy sometime, somewhere. Waiting to live. Thinking of this as a rehearsal for living. Practice. She knew all that. There was nothing new in that. If she remembered correctly—did anything correctly—the shrink she was seeing when she realized this thought that that was a rather astute observation… an astute observation… She chuckled, I guess that was before I started going to bed with him… An astute observation. He hadnt heard of Henry James/A beast from the jungle. Maybe he never heard of Henry James. He was as exciting in bed as Henry James. Marion stared into her coffee cup. The sides were stained from frequent use and infrequent cleanings… Like a beast from the jungle… He told me that with such an awareness, and my intelligence and talents, I should have no trouble coming to terms with my problem and being productive. His favorite word, productive. That and sublimate. Thats all they want you to do… sublimate and be productive. She chuckled, Just dont reproduce. Thats the other word! Just. Just do it. You ask them how you do it and they say you just do it. Now that you know the problem you zophtic stop doing the things that get you into that problem. Thats all there is to it. All of them. The same thing. Just do it. Just! She stared at her empty coffee cup, thinking of how she wanted another cup of coffee but somehow couldnt work up the initiative to move, to get the coffee pot and refill the cup and then go through the process of putting in the sugar and cream, and she tried to use her will power—that was it. Now it was complete, Just use your will power. She stared at the empty cup… Eventually she got up and started to pour a cup of coffee and the pot was empty and she just looked at it then went to the living room and turned on the television and tried to allow it to occupy her mind but she continued to look at her watch and wonder if Harry had copped yet and if there really was something out there and hoping he had sense enough to hold something back so we/d be sure to have enough and then she gradually became aware of how dumb the damn show was she was watching and she stared at it, wondering how in the hell they could put anything so absurdly infantile and intellectually and esthetically insulting on television, and she started asking herself over and over how they could do it, what kind of nonsense is this, and she continued to stare and shake her head, more and more of her mind being absorbed by the absurdity she was watching, suddenly leaning back on the couch as a section of the show ended and a commercial came blaringly on and she stared at them too, wondering what sort of cretins watch this garbage and are influenced by it and actually go out and buy those things, and she shook her head, unbelievable, it is simply unbelievable, how can they manage to make so many obnoxious commercials, one right after the other? Its unbelievable, and the show came back on and she leaned forward, face pinched in a frown as she watched the completely predictable events unfold, the time passing by as she waited for something to happen…

Tyrone and Harry damn near froze their asses off. And to make it worse there was plenty of heat on the streets. The man seemed to be everywhere. If youre holding you best be off the streets jim cause the man he out there playin games with every fuckin body an thats no shit. They talked with as many dudes as possible, trying to find out where the action might be, but at the same time they didnt want to spend too much time with anyone, not knowing if the cat might have a set of works onim an the man come an they all get busted for mutha fuckin consortin. They walked around as much as possible and as little as possible. They didnt want to miss Tyrones co

ection, and they didnt want to freeze to the ground. They found out that there was a dude who was holding a nice taste. Who knows how much, the stories going from a piece to a truckload, but he was holdin, but he wasnt sellin. He only given it up for pussy jim. The only habit that mutha fuck have is pussy. He hooked on that thang. An he only goin for outta sight pussy jim. Ah mean its got to be righteous. Ah toldim ah giveim all he want, but he say ahm not pretty enough forim. Harry and Tyrone chuckled inwardly, but it was so cold they just couldnt seem to crack their faces into a smile, no less a laugh. Eventually Tyrones man came beboppin down the street and passed them by and after a few minutes Tyrone followed and after a while Harry saw Tyrone walking down the block and he followed and when Tyrone hailed a cab Harrys heart started beating faster and a surge of hope thrust itself through him and he got a taste in the back of his throat and his stomach knotted with anticipation. He jumped in the cab and closed the door. Tyrone was smiling.