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I turn around, and smile at her. "You know what? I wouldn't be surprised if A
Judge DeSalvo calls for a fifteen-minute recess to render his decision, and I use it to walk the dog. We circle the little square of green behind to the Garrahy building, with Vern keeping an eye on the reporters who are waiting for a verdict. "Come on already," I say, as Judge makes his fourth loop around, in search of the ultimate spot. "No one's watching."
But this turns out to not be entirely true. A kid, no older than three or four, breaks away from his mother and comes crashing toward us. "Puppy!" he yells. He stretches out his hands in hot pursuit, and Judge steps closer to me.
His mother catches up a moment later. "Sorry. My son's going through a canine stage. Can we pet him?"
"No," I say automatically. "He's a service dog."
"Oh." The woman straightens, pulls her son away. "But you aren't blind."
I'm epileptic, and this is my seizure dog. I think about coming clean, for once, for the first time. But then again, you have to be able to laugh at yourself, don't you? "I'm a lawyer," I say, and I grin at her. "He chases ambulances for me."
As Judge and I walk off, I'm whistling.
When Judge DeSalvo comes back to the bench he brings a framed picture of his dead daughter, which is how I know that I've lost this case. "One thing that has struck me through the presentation of the evidence," he begins, "is that all of us in this courtroom have entered into a debate about the quality of life versus the sanctity of life. Certainly the Fitzgeralds have always believed that having Kate alive and part of the family was crucial—but at this point the sanctity of Kate's existence has become completely intertwined with the quality of A
He shakes his head. "I'm not sure that any of us is qualified to decide which of those two is the most important—least of all myself. I'm a father. My daughter Dena was killed when she was twelve years old by a drunk driver, and when I rushed to the hospital that night, I would have given anything for another day with her. The Fitzgeralds have had fourteen years of being in that position—of being asked to give anything to keep their daughter alive a little bit longer. I respect their decisions. I admire their courage. I envy the fact that they even had these opportunities. But as both attorneys have pointed out, this case is no longer about A
He clears his throat. "The answer is that there is no good answer. So as parents, as doctors, as judges, and as a society, we fumble through and make decisions that allow us to sleep at night—because morals are more important than ethics, and love is more important than law."
Judge DeSalvo turns his attention to A
I exhale heavily.
"And by that, I don't mean Kate, but A
Beside me, she sucks in her breath. "One of the issues brought up during these past few days has involved whether or not a thirteen-year-old is capable of making choices as weighty as these. I'd argue, though, that age is the least likely variable here for basic understanding. In fact, some of the adults here seem to have forgotten the simplest childhood rule: You don't take something away from someone without asking permission. A
She looks at me, and I nod, standing up with her. "At this time," Judge DeSalvo says, "I'm going to declare you medically emancipated from your parents. What that means is that even though you will continue to live with them, and even though they can tell you when to go to bed and what TV shows you can't watch and whether you have to finish your broccoli, with regards to any medical treatment, you have the last word." He turns toward Sara. "Mrs. Fitzgerald, Mr. Fitzgerald—I'm going to order you to meet with A
With the exception of Judge, I have never had to take care of anyone or anything before. And now I will have Julia, and I will have A
"I want those forms signed before you leave the courthouse today," the judge orders. "Good luck, A
He bangs his gavel, and we rise as he leaves the courtroom. "A
Julia reaches us first and leans over the gallery railing to hug A
But then A
ANNA
VISIBILITY SUCKS. The rain, if possible, is coming down even harder. I have this brief vision of it pummeling the car so hard it crunches like an empty Coke can, and just like that it's harder for me to breathe. It takes a second for me to realize that this has nothing to do with the shitty weather or latent claustrophobia, but with the fact that my throat is only half as wide as usual/tears hardening it like an artery, so that everything I do and say involves twice as much work.
I have been medically emancipated for a whole half hour now. Campbell says the rain is a blessing, it's kept the reporters away. Maybe they will find me at the hospital and maybe they won't, but by then I will be with my family and it won't really matter. My parents left before us; we had to fill out the stupid paperwork. Campbell offered to drop me off when we were through, which is nice considering I know he wants nothing more than to hook up with Julia, which they seem to think is some tremendous mystery, but so isn't. I wonder what Judge does, when it's the two of them. I wonder if he feels left out.
"Campbell?" I ask, out of nowhere. "What do you think I should do?"
He doesn't pretend to not know what I'm talking about. "I just fought very hard at a trial for your right to choose, so I'm not going to tell you what I think."
"Great," I say, settling deep into my seat. "I don't even know who I really am."