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"I don't shack up with forty-two-year-old guys too often, either."
"Good, because I'd have to kill them."
Her smile is a stamp against my neck. Maybe this will not be as hard as I think. Maybe I can convince myself that this move will ultimately keep my family together, even though the first step involves breaking it apart. "Dad?"
"Hmm?"
"Just so you know: no one plays Go Fish after they're potty-trained." She hugs me extra tight, the way she used to when she was small. I remember, in that instant, the last time I carried A
Goldfish get big enough only for the bowl you put them in. Bonsai trees twist in miniature. I would have given anything to keep her little. They outgrow us so much faster than we outgrow them.
It seems remarkable that while one of our daughters is leading us into a legal crisis, the other is in the throes of a medical one-but then again, we have known for quite some time that Kate's at the end stages of renal failure. It is A
While A
She led me into the hallway. "How's Kate?" I asked. "About the same," she answered. "How's A
"Where did you two run off to while I was fending off the judge?" she said. Well. If you sit around and think about how hot the fire's going to be, you'll never get into the thick of it. "I took A
"Something going on at work?"
I took a deep breath and leaped off the cliff that my marriage had become. "No. A
Sara stared at me. "But A
The hallway seemed too bright and too wide all of a sudden. "Is that a bad thing?"
"Yes," she said. "Do you really think that buying into A
"I'm not buying into her tantrum; I'm giving her space to come to the right conclusions by herself. You're not the one who's been sitting outside with her while you're in the judge's chambers. I'm worried about her."
"Well, that's where we're different," Sara argued. "I'm worried about both our daughters."
I looked at her, and for just a splinter of a minute saw the woman she used to be—one who knew where to find her smile, instead of having to rummage for it; one who always messed up punch lines and still got a laugh; one who could reel me in without even trying. I put my hands on her cheeks. Oh, there you are, I thought, and I leaned down to kiss her on the forehead. "You know where to find us," I said, and walked away.
Shortly after midnight we get an ambulance call. A
I've given her old turnout gear from our part-time female firefighter: a pair of boots, a hard hat. She shrugs into the coat and climbs into the rear of the ambulance, strapping herself to the rear-facing seat behind Red, who's driving.
We scream down the streets of Upper Darby to the Sunshine Gates Nursing Home, an anteroom for meeting St. Peter. Red grabs the stretcher from the ambulance while I carry in the paramedic's bag. A nurse meets us at the front doors. "She fell down and lost consciousness for a while. And she's got an altered mental state."
We are led to one of the rooms. Inside, an elderly woman lies on the floor, tiny and fine-boned as a bird, blood oozing from the top of her head. It smells like she's lost control of her bowels. "Hi, hon," I say, leaning down immediately. I reach for her hand, the skin thin as crepe. "Can you squeeze my fingers?" And to the nurse: "What's her name?"
"Eldie Briggs. She's eighty-seven."
"Eldie, we're going to help you," I say, continuing to assess her. "She's got a lac on the occipital area. I'm going to need the backboard." While Red runs out to the ambulance to get it, I take Eldie's blood pressure and pulse—irregular. "Do you have any pain in your chest?" The woman moans, but shakes her head and then winces. "I'm going to have to put you in a collar, hon, all right? It looks like you hit your head pretty hard." Red returns, bearing the board. Lifting my head, I look at the nurse again. "Do we know if her change in consciousness was the result of the fall, or did it cause the fall?"
She shakes her head. "No one saw it happen."
"Of course," I mutter under my breath. "I need a blanket."
The hand that offers it is tiny and shaking. Until that moment, I've completely forgotten A
She nods, white-faced, and crouches down. Red aligns the backboard. "We're going to roll you, Eldie … on three…" We count, shift, strap her on. The motion makes her scalp wound gush again.
We load her into the ambulance. Red hauls off to the hospital as I move around the cramped quarters of the cabin, hooking up the oxygen tank, ministering. "A
It doesn't help that the patient is moaning, crying. That the ambulance is swaying back and forth, turning corners, braking, as I try to insert the smaller needle. "Dammit," I say, throwing the second line on the floor.
I do a quick cardiac strip and then pick up the radio and dial into the hospital to tell them we're incoming. "Eighty-seven-year-old patient, had a fall. She's alert and answering questions, BP 136 over 83, pulse 130 and irregular. I tried to get IV access for you but haven't had a lot of luck with that. She does have a lac on the back of her head but it's pretty well controlled by now. I've got her on oxygen. Any questions?"
In the beam of an approaching truck, I see A
At the emergency entrance of the hospital, we pull the stretcher out of the cabin and wheel into the automatic doors. A team of doctors and nurses is already waiting. "She's still talking to us," I say.
A male nurse taps her thin wrists. "Jesus."
'Yeah, that's why I couldn't get a line. I needed pedi cuffs to get her pressure."
Suddenly I remember A
"Daddy? Is that lady going to die?"
"I think she might have had a stroke… but she's going to make it. Listen, why don't you just go wait over there, in a chair? I'll be out in five minutes, tops."
"Dad?" she says, and I pause at the threshold. "Wouldn't it be cool if they were all that way?"