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He floats to the top. Don't, I think. Please.
I sit down on the edge of the bed. How can I possibly tell Kate I've killed her fish? Will she notice if I run to the pet store and get a replacement?
Suddenly A
I open my mouth, a confession melting on my tongue. But at that moment the goldfish shudders sideways, dives, and starts to swim again. "There," I say. "He's fine."
When five thousand lymphocytes don't seem to be enough, Dr. Chance calls for ten thousand. A
The girl is a sugar-spun princess with fairy-white hair, a tiny replica of her mother. As I slip off my shoes to trek across the padded floor, I try desperately to remember their names. The child is… Mallory. And the mother is… Monica? Margaret?
I spot A
The hospital? "Well, just hope you never have to do the same.”
“Oh, I know. I get dizzy going up an elevator." She turns to the trampoline. "A
A
"What do you say?" I prompt, and A
"Oh, you're welcome." She hands A
A
"That she had to leave early so your whole family could take you to the airport. Because once training starts in Houston, you won't see them until after the flight."
"The flight?"
"On the space shuttle…?"
For a moment I am stu
I pull A
A
Because your sister is more important than cake and ice cream; because I ca
I'm so angry that I have to try twice before I can unlock the van. "Stop acting like a five-year-old," I accuse, and then I remember that's exactly what she is.
"It was so hot," Brian says, "a silver tea set melted. Pencils were bent in half."
I look up from the newspaper. "How did it start?"
"Cat and dog chasing each other, when the owners were on vacation. They turned on a Je
His skin is raw, blistered. I watch him apply Neosporin and gauze. He keeps talking, telling me something about a rookie nick-named Caesar who just joined their company. But my eyes are drawn to the advice column in the newspaper:
Dear Abby,
Every time my mother-in-law visits, she insists on cleaning out the refrigerator. My husband says she's just trying to help, but it makes me feel like I'm being judged. She's made my life a wreck. How do I make this woman stop without ruining my marriage?
Sincerely,
Past My Expiration Date, Seattle
What sort of woman considers this to be her biggest problem? I picture her scrawling out a note to Dear Abby on linen-blend stationery. I wonder if she's ever felt a baby turn inside her, tiny hands and feet walking in slow circles, as if the inside of a mother is a place to be carefully mapped.
"What are you glued to?" Brian asks, coming to read the column over my shoulder.
I shake my head in disbelief. "A woman whose life is being ruined by rings from jelly jars."
"Cream gone bad," Brian adds, chuckling.
"Slimy lettuce. Oh my God, how can she stand to be alive?" We both start laughing then. Contagious, all we have to do is look at each other to laugh even harder.
And then just as suddenly as all this was fu
Brian is across the room in an instant; he folds me into his embrace. "It never is, baby," he answers.
One month later, we go back for a third lymphocyte donation. A
I glance down at her. A
She smiles up at me. "In case I forget to tell you after, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be."
One day my sister arrives una
I lift the bottle by its neck. "I could have bought a dress with this."
Za
I look over at her, suddenly feeling sorry for myself.
"No. You’re not doing the crying thing. Crying is not included in the room rate."
But suddenly all I can think of is how stupid the women on Oprah sound, with their stuffed Filofaxes and crammed closets. I wonder what Brian made for di
She conies up on an elbow. "You are allowed to take a break, you know. No one has to be a martyr twenty-four/seven."
But I hear her wrong. "I think once you sign on to be a mother, that's the only shift they offer."
"I said martyr," Za
I smile a little. "Is there a difference?"
She takes the telephone receiver out of my hand. "Did you want to get your crown of thorns out of the suitcase first? Listen to yourself, Sara, and stop being such a drama queen. Yes, you drew a bad lot of fate. Yes, it sucks to be you."
Bright color rises on my cheeks. "You have no idea what my life is like."
"Neither do you," Za
"I am not—" I begin, but then I stop. The thing is, I am.
Za
"As long as it's not all the time," Za