Burned

“How about my head on a platter?” Will muttered. He took the paper with the phone number on it and entered his office. He stopped short so fast that Regan almost bumped into him. “Oh, my God!” he exclaimed.

“What?” Regan asked. Quickly she moved aside and looked down. The two beautiful shell leis she had seen just this morning at the Seashell Museum were lying on the floor. The sliding screen door was open.

Will went over and picked them up.

“The royal leis,” Regan said, her voice incredulous.

The color was draining from Will’s face. He looked at Regan in bewilderment. “What am I going to do?”

“We’ll call the police.”

Janet was standing in the doorway. “There’s no need. They’re already here.”

47

T he cab dropped Ned off in front of the old movie theater on Kalakaua Avenue, the main street in Waikiki. By now he was perspiring. It’s just a knapsack, he told himself over and over. Even if there’s something of mine in it that identifies me, that doesn’t mean I stole the leis. The cops don’t even know it was a yellow knapsack. It could have been a guy in a yellow shirt.

He crossed the street, darting around the traffic, and headed straight for the alley where he’d done his gift wrapping. It was narrow and dark, but he could tell immediately that the knapsack was gone. Ned ran down the alley looking for it. Nothing. He checked in a garbage can. It wasn’t there. What could have happened to it? he thought frantically. He was trying to remember if there could have been anything inside it that would identify him. Was there a bank slip? A receipt from the ATM machine? Ned just wasn’t sure.

He emerged from the alley and noticed a vagrant with a hangdog expression sitting on the sidewalk, his butt smack on the middle of Ned’s yellow knapsack. Ned was sure it was his. He could see the oil stains on the side.

“Excuse me, buddy,” Ned said, “but I think you’re sitting on my bag.”

The vagrant ignored him.

“Come on, man,” Ned pleaded as he leaned down and started to pull on one of the straps. It turned out not to be the greatest idea.

The formerly silent vagrant went nuts. “This is mine!” he screamed. “Leave me alone! Help! Police! Hellllpppppp!”

His noisy protests had the intended effect. Passersby started to stop and murmur the way people do when some drama is unfolding. In an instant Ned realized that it was far better to get the heck out of there and risk whatever might be found inside the bag, bank slip or no bank slip. He hightailed it down the block, crossed the street, and did his best to disappear into the Friday night crowds.

That’s the second time today I ran off serenaded by the sounds of someone squawking in my wake, Ned realized. But this was too much of a close call. People had seen him. All I need is to be caught in a tug-of-war over a dirty yellow knapsack with a guy who lives on the street. Then they’d really have cause to lock me up.

Ned’s heart was beating so fast, he decided to walk back to the hotel to calm himself. It wasn’t that far. What have I gotten myself into? he wondered. I’ve got to get that package back from the bell station, he decided. It’s not worth leaving there. I’ll take the chance that Artie isn’t as nosy as I was when I was a kid, going through my mother’s closets and peeking at the wrapped Christmas presents.

When Ned got back to the hotel, there was more excitement. A police car was parked in the driveway, its lights flashing. The first person Ned saw was the ubiquitous Gle

“What’s going on?” Ned asked.

“The stolen leis were discovered in Will’s office. An anonymous tipster called the police.”

Ned tried not to flinch. “The stolen leis?”

“That’s right.”

“Will must be happy,” Ned said carefully.

“I don’t know about that. It doesn’t look too good for the hotel that stolen property is found in the manager’s office.”

“Oh, give me a break, Gle

“I didn’t say he did.”

Ned’s head was spi

“If she did, I didn’t see her,” Gle

“Great. You know, on second thought, I think I’ll drop it off at her place tonight. Could I have the bag, please?”

“Sure! She sounds like a good friend. You go shopping for her and then deliver the goods to her doorstep.” Gle

“Right, thanks.” Ned took the bag and started to walk back to his room. When he went around the corner and was out of Gle

“Hey, Ned.”

Ned cringed. “Hi, there,” he said as he entered the room.

Artie jumped up from his bed where he’d been lounging. “It’s time to meet the others for drinks. Are you going to join us?”

“Maybe in a few minutes,” Ned replied. He sat down on his bed.

“What have you got in the bag there?” Artie asked, his eyes looking down into the bag.

“A present for my mother,” Ned answered quickly.

“That’s sexy wrapping paper for a mother.”

“My mother has always liked crazy stuff.”

“Not my mother. She’s prim and proper. She’d have me committed if I handed her a present with that paper on it. She prefers paper with rainbows and shooting stars and cutesy teddy bears.”

Ned thought he was going to scream. Instead he shut his eyes, took a deep breath, and wiped his forehead.

“Are you all right?” Artie asked.

“Yes. Why?”

“You seem a little preoccupied.”

“I’m fine,” Ned insisted. “I’ll join you downstairs for drinks in a few minutes. I want to call my mother. She hasn’t been feeling well. That’s why I bought her this crazy present.”

“That’s nice! If she were here, I’d give her a free massage. What crazy present did you get her anyway?”

Ned almost choked. Once you start lying, it truly becomes a tangled web. “I just got her a couple of muumuus and a Hawaiian bathing suit.”

“Where does she live?”

“In Maine.”

Artie laughed. “I can just picture it. Someone walking around in a muumuu on the rocky coast of Maine.”

Ned looked up at him and couldn’t contain a flash of anger. “She goes to Florida in the winter. Women wear muumuus in Florida.”

“I’m sorry, Ned,” Artie apologized. “I was just trying to have some fun. Listen, old Gert and Ev aren’t going to be back until late. Who knows what they’re up to. Maybe they met a couple of guys. Anyway, the five of us are eating on our own and are pla

Ned sat there for what felt like an eternity, sure that Artie would burst back in at any moment. When he was finally satisfied that enough time had passed for Artie to be sipping his first piña colada of the night, Ned went over and bolted the door-just in case. It would be hard to explain if Artie came back and couldn’t get in. But Ned had to take that chance.