The Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse

All these things flashed right before Jack's eyes. In seconds.

And then Jack's eyes couldn't see anything any more -anything, that is, but the colour red, which, as those who know the facts well know, and the rest of us know too, is the colour of blood.

Jack was suddenly covered in blood.

Jack gasped and gagged and wiped his eyes and blurry vision returned.

And somebody stood over Jack.

And that somebody wasn't Mr Sredna.

Out of the redness Jack returned, at a jolt, and a hurry-up too. He felt water upon his face. He opened his eyes and he stared.

'Jill,' said Jack. 'Jill, it's you.'

'It's me,' said Jill. 'And you owe me money. I told you I charge double for virgins. And there's the other money, there's...'

'Eddie.’ Jack struggled back to his feet. 'Is he?'

'Sorry,' said Jill.

'No, he can't be. If I'm not, he can't be.'

'Don't think about him. I saved you, Jack. I've been following you since you got arrested. I want my money.'

'You followed me for the money? You did that?' Jack looked down at the body of Mr Sredna. Mr Sredna was well and truly dead this time. His body lacked for a head and his chest was full of holes. Jack looked at Jill.

'Well, I had to be sure,' said Jill. 'You screwed it up when you did it.'

Jack shook his head. 'And you did this all because I owe you money?'

'Well, perhaps not entirely for the money.'Jill turned her eyes down from Jack's gaze. 'There's something about you. I don't know what it is. But it makes you special.'

'Thank you.' Jack crossed the workroom, being careful as he did so not to step upon any shreddings of Eddie. Jack stooped and untied the kindly loveable white-haired old toymaker. 'Are you all right, sir?’ Jack asked as he helped the ancient into the comfy chair.

'Somewhat shaken,' said the toymaker. 'This has all been a terrible shock. I had tried my best to forget about my brother. Forget that he'd even existed. I'm a very foolish old man.'

Jack patted the toymaker on the shoulder and looked up at Jill.

'I'm sorry I didn't get here in time to save your little friend,' she said. 'When I saw what was happening, I acted as fast as I could.'

'I know,' said Jack.

'You know?’

'I saw you,' Jack said. 'I saw you creeping in through the window, which was why I asked him whether he could be killed. I thought the information might come in handy for you. I saw you had the gun from his office.'

'Smart boy,' said Jill.

'Yes,' said Jack in a toneless tone. 'Very smart. But too late for Eddie.'

'You really loved that bear, didn't you?'

Tears were once more in Jack's eyes. And he made no attempt to hide them. 'I'm not ashamed to say it, Jill. He really was my bestest friend.'

'Perhaps,' said the toymaker, 'I could make you another bear.'

'Thanks,' said Jack. 'But it wouldn't be the same. Eddie was one of a kind.'

'And I think I still am,' came a tiny voice from a disembodied growler. 'Will somebody help me, please?'

32

It was two whole days before Jack got around to releasing all the rich and famous folk from their place of incarceration. Well, he'd had other things to do, and actually, he'd quite forgotten about them.

They were very polite to Jack, though, when he opened the cell door. Very gracious. Very thankful. Very hungry.

Jack wasn't at all hungry. He'd just dined at the very finest restaurant in the City. It wasn't a Nadine's Diner.

Jack was presently dining again in that self-same restaurant. He was there with Jill, to celebrate their engagement.

True, both Jack and Jill were underage, but hey, this was Toy City; let's not let a little detail like that stand in the way of true love.

And true, Jill had said that she fancied marrying a prince. But then Jack was a prince now. An honorary prince, but a prince none the less. The toymaker had bestowed this honour upon him.

Eddie dined with Jack and Jill. And Eddie very much enjoyed the meal. He had double portions of everything. Especially those complicated things that need holding down with a fork and slicing with a knife.

And when, at great length, the meal had reached its conclusion, Eddie looked up at Jack. 'I don't know how to thank you enough,' Eddie said. 'There are no words to express my thanks for these.'

Eddie pulled back the cuffs of his brand new trench-coat and flexed his dextrous fingers and their opposable thumbs.

'The toymaker worked very hard putting you back together,' said Jack. 'And although he really didn't approve, I eventually managed to talk him into fitting you with those. Because, after all, there were so many spare parts in the chocolate factory just going begging, and who deserved a couple of them more than you?'

'Thanks, Jack,' said Eddie. 'Would you like to see me pick my nose again?'

'Not just now,' said Jack. 'Although, don't get me wrong, I certainly enjoyed it all the other times you've showed me.'

Eddie gazed proudly at his dextrous fingers. 'They're a lovely shade of ci

'You're an Anders Imperial now,' said Jack. 'Except for your head, of course. I didn't let him touch your head. Other than for putting a proper special button for your ear. And the new matching eyes, of course. They're working all right, I trust.'

'Absolutely.' Eddie blinked his bright blue glass eyes. 'They're as optically efficient as. I had no idea there were so many colours to see.'

'Glad you like them,' said Jack.

'So what do you intend to do now?' Eddie asked. 'Buy yourself a nice big house on Knob Hill with your half of the reward? It was good of the toymaker to make the rich folk cough up the money they'd promised to Bill for solving the case, wasn't it?'

'It certainly was,' said Jack. 'But Jill and I are not staying in Toy City.'

'What?' Eddie's eyes blinked and widened. 'But I hoped you'd live next door to me.'

'We're leaving,' said Jack. 'I have to go out there, to the world beyond. I have the Maguffin key and the toymaker's permission to use it. They're in a real mess out there and I can help to put things right.'

'That's none of our business,' Eddie said. 'No, Jack, don't go.'

'I'll be back,' said Jack, 'once I've made the necessary adjustments to the clockwork heads of their world leaders. And I can do that. I do know clockwork.'

'But you promise that you will be back?'

'Of course I promise. I wouldn't leave my bestest friend for ever, would I?'

'Certainly not,' said Eddie. 'Especially when he's a bestest friend of high standing. I've decided to take the mayor's job.'

'Oh yes?’ Jack raised an eyebrow. 'And who offered you this job?'

'The toymaker, of course. I subtly broached the subject while I was removing his doorknocker and installing a new bell. It took a great deal of gentle persuasion, and Peter tried to put him off. But he came around in the end. Him being so kindly and lovable and grateful and everything.'

'You'll make a great mayor,' said Jack.

'There will be some sweeping social reforms,' said Eddie. 'I'm drafting out something that I like to call a constitution. It has things written into it, such as "we find it self-evident that all men and toys are created equal". And I'm working on other things too. Things of a religious nature, based on all these parables I know.'

'Sounds good,' said Jack. 'Sounds perfect.'

'Hopefully so.' Eddie gri