A Cry In The Night

17

Slowly Je

She had known what to expect but even so the absolute rejection of her wishes and taste shocked her. Finally she made coffee and went back to bed. Shivering, she pulled the covers around her and leaned back on the pillows propped against the massive headboard. It would be another cold and gloomy day. The sky was gray and misty; a sharp wind rattled the windowpanes.

The eighth of March, Erich’s thirty-fifth birthday, Caroline’s twenty-fifth a

Je

Where?

Maybe her job would be available again. Maybe Kevin would lend her a few hundred dollars for airfare. Lend. He owed her hundreds. Fran would let her and the girls bunk in her place for a short time. It was a terrible inconvenience to ask of anyone but Fran was a good scout.

I don’t have a cent, Je

She was still so chilled. A hot shower might help. And she’d wear that warm argyll sweater. It was in the closet.

Je

When she got up she’d taken her robe from the closet. But last night she had left the robe thrown over the vanity bench. The bench had been pulled back from the dressing table. Now it was precision-straight.

No wonder she dreamed of Erich’s face. She must have subconsciously realized he was in the room. Why hadn’t he stayed? She shivered. Her skin felt prickly. But it wasn’t the cold. She was afraid. Afraid of Erich, of her own husband? Of course not, she told herself. I am afraid of his rejection. He came to me and then left me. Had Erich gone back to the cabin during the night or had he slept in the house?

Quietly she put on her robe and slippers and went into the hall. The door of Erich’s boyhood room was closed. She listened at the door. There was no sound. Slowly she turned the handle and opened the door.

Erich was curled up in bed, the gaily patterned patchwork quilt wrapped around him. Only his ear and hairline showed. His face was buried in folds of soft material. Silently Je

She and the children had almost finished breakfast when Erich came downstairs. He refused even coffee. He was already wearing one of his heavy parkas and was carrying what was obviously an expensive hunting rifle, even to Je

“I don’t know if I’ll be back tonight,” he told her. “I don’t know what I’ll do. I’ll just be around the farm today.”

“All right.”

“Don’t go changing any of the furniture again, Je

“I gathered that,” Je

“It’s my birthday, Jen.” His tone sounded high-pitched, young, like the voice of a boy. “Aren’t you going to wish me a happy birthday?”

“I’d rather wait until Friday night. Mark and Emily are coming to di

“Maybe.” He came over to her. The cold steel of the rifle brushed her arm. “Do you love me, Je

“Yes.”

“And you’ll never leave me?”

“I’d never want to leave you.”

“That’s what Caroline said, those very words.” His eyes became reflective.

The children had been silent. “Daddy, can I go with you?” Beth begged.

“Not now. Tell me your name.”

“Beth Crew-grr.”

“Tina, what’s your name?”

“Tina Crew-grr.”

“Very good. I’ll get both of you presents.” He kissed them and came back to Je

His eyes were on her intently now. They looked as they had in her dream. With a wrench of tenderness she obeyed. He looked so vulnerable, and last night he had not been able to come to her for comfort.

“That’s good,” he smiled. “That feels so good.

Thank you.”

He picked up the rifle and walked to the door. “Good-bye, girls.”

He smiled at Je

“Oh, Erich, I’d love that!” If he began to share this date with her… it’s a breakthrough, she thought, a good omen.

“I’ll phone and make reservations for eight o’clock at the Groveland I

The Groveland I

When she and the girls got to the stable, Joe was waiting for them. His usually su

“Uncle Josh came over this morning. He was pretty drunk and Maw told him to get lost. He left the door open and Randy got out. I just hope nothing happens to him. He’s not used to cars.”

“Go look for him,” Je

“Mr. Krueger won’t like…”

“It will be all right, Joe. I’ll see it is. The girls would be heartsick if anything happened to Randy.”

She watched him hurry down the dirt road, then said, “Come on, girls. Let’s take our walk now. You can visit the ponies later.”

They ran ahead of her across the fields. Their rubber boots made soft squishing sounds. The ground was thawing. Maybe it would be an early spring after all. She tried to imagine these fields fleshed out with alfalfa and grass, those sparse empty trees weighted with leaves.

Even the wind had lost something of its biting edge. In the south pastures she could see that the cattle had their heads down and were sniffing at the ground as though anticipating the shoots of grass that would soon be coming.

I’d like to start a garden, Je

Of course it was.

She’d felt this way when she was carrying Beth.

She was pregnant.

That explained why the nightgown felt too tight in the bodice; it explained the light-headedness, the queasiness; it even explained the periods of depression.

What a marvelous gift to tell Erich tonight that she believed she was expecting a child! He wanted a son to inherit this farm. Surely the night staff at the restaurant was different from the lunchtime help? It would be all right. Erich’s son.

“Randy,” Tina called. “Look, Mommy, there’s Randy.”

“Oh, good,” Je

The puppy must have cut through the orchard. He stopped, turned and looked at her. Squealing, Beth and Tina began ru