Why Me?

"We were way to hell and gone," the fat man said desperately, bouncing wetly around on his chair. "Honest. Huntington, Long Island, it's way out on the island, it's way up on the North Shore."

Tiny said, "Who were these other three guys?"

"Ralph Demrovsky, Willy Car—"

"One at a time!"

"Oh," the fat man said. "Sorry."

Tiny had looked around at one of the standing men to his right. "We got Demrovsky?"

"I'm looking."

Now Dortmunder saw that in fact a rough-and-ready sort of filing system had been created back there, with folders and envelopes stuck in among the floor-to-ceiling liquor cartons. Apparently, each guy standing back there had a separate part of the alphabet to deal with. Education, Dortmunder thought, is a wonderful thing.

"Here it is."

The file this time was in a small folded restaurant menu. This was handed to the man seated at Tiny's right, who opened it, leafed through the few ratty papers in it, and said, "Yeah, we talked to him already. Gave the same story."

Tiny looked at the fat man. "What time'd you get to this antique store?"

"Eleven-thirty."

The man with the fat man's file made a note. Tiny lifted an eyebrow at the man with Demrovsky's file, who nodded agreement. Then Tiny looked back at the fat man: "What time'd you leave?"

"Three o'clock."

"Demrovsky," said the other guy, "says two-thirty."

"It was around there," the fat man said, sounding panicky. "Who's looking at their watch? It was around two-thirty, three o'clock."

Dortmunder closed his eyes. The questioning went on, bringing out the other two names, comparing everybody's story with everybody else. The fat man was i

"So," Tiny Bulcher said. "You two guys were together Wednesday night."

"That's right," Kelp said, speaking right up. "We were working on my phones."

"Tell us about it," Tiny offered, and Kelp did, reeling off the story they'd cooked up together, rattling right along, putting in all the details, while Dortmunder sat beside him, silent and dignified and scared shitless.

Early on in the questioning, already existing files (Kelp's in a Valentine's Day card, Dortmunder's in a thin cardboard packet that had originally contained bunion pads) were brought out, checked, a

Tiny and the guy with Kelp's folder asked a few questions, in a not particularly threatening ma

"That's right," Dortmunder said.

"All night."

"Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah."

Kelp said, "John helped me with the wir—"

"Shadap."

"Okay."

Tiny nodded slowly, looking at Dortmunder. "You call anybody?"

"No," Dortmunder said.

"How come?"

"Well, uh, it was Andy's phone. And my woman was at the movies."

Continuing to gaze at Dortmunder, Tiny asked his assistants generally, "Kelp mention Dortmunder to anybody?"

"No," they all said.

"Well," Kelp said.

"Shadap."

"Okay."

The guy with Dortmunder's file said, "You went to see Arnie Albright Thursday."

Oh, no. God, let it be not so. I'll be good. I'll get a Social Security card. A real one. "Yeah, I did," Dortmunder said.

"You told him you made a score."

"Tuesday," Dortmunder said. Unfortunately, his voice squeaked on the first syllable.

"But you went to Arnie Thursday," the guy said. "And you were looking up another fence, name of Stoon, the same day."

"That's right."

"You had some stuff to sell."

"That's right."

"What stuff?"

"Um…jewelry."

General alertness animated the room. Tiny said, "You did a jewelry heist? Wednesday night?"

"No," Dortmunder said. "Tuesday night."

A terrorist said, "Where?"

"Staten (cough) Staten Island."

The guy with Dortmunder's file said, "What fences did you see Wednesday?"

"Nobody," Dortmunder said. "I was kind of sick Wednesday. It was raining Tuesday night—" (it's always good to throw a little truth into a story, like adding salt to a recipe) " — and I got like a cold. Just one of those twenty-four-hour bugs."

Another guy said, "Where in Staten Island?"

"On Drumgoole Boulevard. It didn't make the papers."

One of the terrorists said, "What did you rob?"

Dortmunder looked at him, wondering if he was one of the religious fanatics. "Just some engagement rings, watches, stuff like that. Ordinary stuff."

Tiny said, "What fence did you sell it to?"

"I didn't," Dortmunder said. "I couldn't. The blitz came along, and—"

"So you've still got the stash."

Dortmunder hadn't been ready for that one. In the millionth of a second which was the only delay he dared offer, he considered the alternatives: Say no, and they'll wonder why he got rid of a perfectly ordinary jewelry haul which could be hidden a thousand different places until the blitz was over. Say yes, and they'll want to see it. "Yes," Dortmunder said.

Tiny said, "Dortmunder, we know each other a while."

"Sure."

"There's a stink coming off you, Dortmunder. I never smelled it before."

"I'm nervous, Tiny."

"We'll look at your stash," Tiny said. "We'll send six guys with you, and—"

"Breaker! Breaker? said a loud metallic voice, everywhere in the room.

Tiny frowned around, this way and that: "What?"

"I don't care about that," said the loud metallic voice.

Seven or eight people in the room spoke at once. Then the loud metallic voice spoke over all of them, saying, " Well, I'm stuck here on West End Avenue with a busted transmission and I want to talk to my wife in Englewood, New Jersey."

"A radio," said a terrorist.

"CB," said one of Tiny's co-judges.

"Wire," Tiny said. His eyebrows were lowering practically to his upper lip. "Some dirty son of a bitch bastard in this room is wired, is bugging us, is—"

"Because" said the loud metallic voice in deep exasperation, "my wife is listening on this cha