Big trouble

I'm proud to say she's my buttercup

I'm in love… I'm all shook up!

Andrew, reluctantly parting his lips from his straw, said, "Can you imagine being proud to say that somebody was your buttercup?"

Matt thought about it.

"Like," said Andrew, "you're introducing her to people, and you go, 'This here is MY BUTTERCUP! Hey, did you pee your pants?"

"Shit," said Matt, looking down at his khakis, which, as was mandatory for seventeen-year-old boys, were six waist sizes too large and covered only the lower butt area. The JetBlast Junior had indeed leaked, forming a large, darkish wet splotch on the right side of Matt's crotch.

"Shit," said Matt, again.

"Here comes Je

"Shit," said Matt. He violently untucked his white T-shirt and tried to tug it down over the splotch.

"Hi," said Je

"Hi," said Matt, twisting his lower body sideways, trying to aim his splotch away from her.

"Is that a squirt gun in your pocket," asked Je

Andrew barked in laughter, spitting a milk shake mouthful onto the sidewalk. Matt tried to punch him, but missed.

"So," said Je

"I was thinking, we could go that way," said Matt, gesturing toward Grand Avenue. "There's a parking lot behind the five-and-dime store."

"OK," said Je

"Listen," said Matt, "I was wondering if, after I kill you, if you're not doing anything, I mean…»

"What he means," said Andrew, backstepping quickly to avoid Matt's second punch attempt, "is he's proud to say you're his buttercup."

"Matt," said Je

Whoa.

"OK," said Matt, just as solemnly. "But I gotta kill you first."

They set off toward the five-and-dime, Matt making an effort to keep his splotch on the side away from Je

six

"I can't see out this thing," said Eddie.

"Well, try, goddammit," said Snake.

They were standing at the entrance to the Jolly Jackal, wearing panty hose on their heads. Snake had pulled the left leg of his panty hose over his face; the right leg was dangling down his chest. Eddie had pulled the pelvic region of his panty hose over his face, so that both of the legs were hanging down his back, making him look like a large, frightened rabbit.

"I'm just saying," said Eddie, "we should of got a lighter shade."

"We got what we got," said Snake.

They had obtained the panty hose from the five-and-dime in Coconut Grove. They had not had time

to examine their selections carefully, because Snake had shoplifted them while Eddie had distracted the store employees by pretending to have a seizure. Snake had grabbed the first panty hose he saw. They turned out to be Hanes Control Top, for the full-figured woman, in jet black.

"Might as well have a bucket over my head," said Eddie.

"You just do like I tole you," said Snake. "You got the sack?"

"I got the damn sack," said Eddie, patting a rolled-up Wi

"OK," said Snake, taking a deep breath. "Remember, don't say nothin' in there. 'Specially don't say my name. And don't do nothin' stupid."

"Far as I'm concerned," said Eddie, "this whole fuckin' idea is stupid."

"We'll see who's stupid," said Snake, gripping his gun and pushing open the door.

"So," said Matt, "where do you want to be shot?" He, Je

"Whyn't you shoot her in the crotch?" said Andrew. "You could be, like, a couple."

"Shut up," said Matt. To Je

"OK," she said. She liked that Matt was considerate about where he shot her.

"OK, then," said Matt. "Andrew, get ready to witness this."

"Yes, SIR!" said Andrew, leaning forward and scrunching his face into a major frown to indicate how seriously he was taking this responsibility.

Je

"FREEZE!" came the hoarse shout from the alley. The three teenagers turned to see a stocky shape lumbering toward them. "FREEZE!" the shape yelled again, even though so far nobody had moved. Then the shape emitted a pop, and the windshield of the car next to Matt fractured into a craze of cracks.

"Holy shit, he's shooting," said Andrew.

"Come on," said Matt. He grabbed Je

Andrew started ru

"FREEZE!" yelled the shape again. There was another pop.

Matt kept ru

Back in the parking lot, Andrew, crouching, fear-frozen, behind the car, heard the shape lumbering toward him. It was breathing hard.

"FREEZE!" it gasped. "FRUNHHHMPH."

The shape, having tripped on a low concrete barrier, went down like a two-hundred-pound sack of suet. The pistol went clattering ahead, coming to rest directly in front of the crouching Andrew. Andrew, not thinking at all, just doing, grabbed the pistol, jumped up, and sprinted toward the alley leading back to Grand Avenue, past the sprawled, moaning mass of Jack Pendick, Crime Fighter.

When Snake pushed open the door of the Jolly Jackal, it banged hard into Leo, who had been on the other side, starting to pull the door open for Puggy, who was straining under the weight of the suitcase containing Arthur's bomb. Behind Puggy was Arthur, feeling in his pocket for his car keys so he could open the trunk of his Lexus. Behind Arthur was John, holding the briefcase.

The force of the opening door knocked Leo into Puggy, who staggered back and dropped the suitcase on Arthur's toe. Arthur screamed and lurched hard into John, who fell backward over a chair, landing on the floor, dropping the briefcase.

Snake, surprised to see so many people right there, jerked his gun up and waved it vaguely around. He said, "Don't nobody unh."

Snake stumbled forward a step. Eddie, right behind him, had walked into his back.

"Watch out, goddammit," Snake said.

"I can't see shit," whispered Eddie.

"Just shut up," Snake said. To Leo, Puggy, John, and Arthur, he said, "Stick 'em up."