Practical Demonkeeping

Howard had been born and raised in Maine, yet when he spoke, he affected the accent of an erudite Londoner. “The prospect of change is a many-fanged beast, my dear. It is not, however, appropriate to pay fearful obeisance to that beast by cowering in the ruins of my stemware while you have orders up.”

“I’m sorry, Howard. Robert called this morning. He sounded so helpless, pathetic.”

“A tragedy, to be sure. Yet as we sit, ensconced in our grief, two perfectly healthy daily specials languish under the heat lamps metamorphosing into gelatinous invitations to botulism.”

Je

When Je

Not many tourists found H.P.’s. It was tucked in a tree-lined cul-de-sac off Cypress Street in a remodeled Victorian bungalow. The sign outside, small and tasteful, simply read, CAFE. Howard did not believe in advertising, and though he was an Anglophile at heart — loving all things British and feeling that they were somehow superior to their American counterparts — his restaurant displayed none of the ersatz British decor that might draw in the tourists. The cafe served simple food at fair prices. If the menu exhibited Howard Phillips’s eccentricity in style, it did not discourage the locals from eating at his place. Next to Brine’s Bait, Tackle, and Fine Wines, H.P.’s Cafe had the most loyal clientele in Pine Cove.

“Smoking or nonsmoking?” Je

“Nonsmoking,” he said.

Je

“Will someone be joining you?” Je

Embarrassed, Je

“You’re joking?”

“No. The owner insists that we memorize the daily specials verbatim.”

The dark man kept staring at her. “What does all that mean?” he asked.

“Scrambled eggs with ham and cheese and a side of toast.”

“Why didn’t you just say that?”

“The owner is a little eccentric. He believes that his daily specials may be the only thing keeping the Old Ones at bay.”

“The Old Ones?”

Je

“It’s his religion or something. He believes that the world was once populated by another race. He calls them the Old Ones. For some reason they were banished from Earth, but he believes that they are trying to return and take over.”

“You’re joking?”

“Stop saying that. I’m not joking.”

“I’m sorry.” He looked at the menu. “Okay, give me an Eggs-Sothoth with a side order of The Spuds of Madness.”

“Would you like coffee?”

“That would be great.”

Je

“Excuse me,” the man said.

Je

“You have incredible eyes.”

“Thanks.” She felt herself blush as she headed off to get his coffee. She wasn’t ready for this. She needed some sort of break between being married and being divorced. Divorce leave? They had pregnancy leave, didn’t they?

When she returned with his coffee, she looked at him for the first time as a single woman might. He was handsome, in a sharp, dark sort of way. He looked younger than she was, twenty-three, maybe twenty-four. She was studying his clothes and trying to get a feel for what he did for a living when she ran into the chair he had pushed out from the table and spilled most of the coffee into the saucer.

“God, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” he said. “Are you having a bad day?”

“Getting worse by the minute. I’ll get you another cup.”

“No,” he raised a hand in protest. “Its fine.” He took the cup and saucer from her, separated them, and poured the coffee back into the cup. “See, good as new. I don’t want to add to your bad day.”

He was staring again.

“No, you’re fine. I mean, I’m fine. Thanks.” She felt like a geek. She cursed Robert for causing all this. If he hadn’t… No, it wasn’t Robert’s fault. She’d made the decision to end the marriage.

“I’m Travis.” The man extended his hand. She took it, tentatively.

“Je

“Me either,” Travis said. “I’m new in town.” He didn’t seem to notice how awkward she was. “Look, Je

Je

“I’ll draw you a map,” she said. She took a pen from her apron, bent over the table, and began drawing on a napkin.

Their faces were inches apart. “You’re very beautiful,” he said.

She looked at him. She didn’t know whether to smile or scream. Not yet, she thought. I’m not ready.

He didn’t wait for her to respond. “You remind me of someone I used to know.”

“Thank you…” She tried to remember his name. “…Travis.”

“Have di

She searched for an excuse. None came. She couldn’t use the one she had used for a decade — it wasn’t true anymore. And she hadn’t been alone long enough to brush up on some new lies. In fact, she felt that she was somehow being unfaithful to Robert just by talking to this guy. But she was a single woman. Finally she wrote her phone number under the map on the napkin and handed it to him.

“My number’s on the bottom. Why don’t you call me tonight, around five, and we’ll take it from there, okay?”

Travis folded the napkin and put it in his shirt pocket. “Until tonight,” he said.

“Oh, spare me!” a gravely voice said. Je

To Travis she said, “Did you hear that?”

“Hear what?” Travis glared at the empty chair.

“Nothing,” Je

“Relax,” Travis said. “I won’t bite you.” He shot a glance at the chair.

“Your order is up. I’ll be right back.”

She retrieved the food from the window and delivered it to Travis. While he ate, she stood behind the counter separating coffee filters for the lunch shift, occasionally looking up and smiling at the dark, young man, who paused between bites and smiled back.

She was fine, just fine. She was a single woman and could do any damned thing she wanted to. She could go out with anyone she wanted to. She was young and attractive and she had just made her first date in ten years — sort of.