Sleepers

'I just want to say good-bye,' Nokes said. 'We all do. Let you know how much we go

'We're friends, right?' Styler said, entering the cell, sober and in full uniform, holding John and Tommy by his side. 'All of us.'

John looked at me with dead eyes, as if he knew what was going to happen and was trying to shut it out of his mind. Tommy was crying, full tears ru

'Must be hard to leave your friends,' Ferguson said, walking in with Michael and locking the cell door behind him. 'We've been together for so long.'

'Can't leave your friends without a party,' Nokes said. 'It just wouldn't be right.'

Michael, as always, stayed silent, his face, his eyes, his entire body, coiled into one large mask of hate. John and Tommy may have lost their heart, but Michael was in danger of losing his humanity. Everything that was done to him, everything that was said, only served to fuel his hate. By now, he had enough fuel to last a lifetime.

'It's over, Nokes,' I said, standing up in the crowded room, the heat strong, the air rancid. 'Please let it go.'

'It ain't over till morning,' Nokes said. 'It ain't over till the party's over.'

'I don't want a party,' I said.

'That's too bad,' Styler said. 'I even went out and got you a gift.'

'A special gift,' Nokes said. 'One you ain't ever go

Ferguson and Addison stood next to me and held my arms while Styler reached into his pocket and pulled out a few feet of nylon cord. He tied the cord around my arms, knotting it secure at the back. Styler shoved a wad of tissues into my mouth and held my face as Addison ran thick yellow tape across my lips. Nokes walked over, a wide black belt dangling in one hand.

'Tie his feet too,' Nokes said, handing the belt to Styler. 'I don't want him to move.'

My three friends stood before me, as still as the air, only their eyes betraying their terror. John's lips were trembling and Tommy kept his head tilted to the ceiling, his mouth mumbling a secret prayer. Michael was a silent statue, his rage at rest.

'We got a full house tonight,' Nokes said, leaning over and whispering in my ear, his breath bourbon-coated. 'First we take care of your friends. And then we take care of you.'

I watched Styler walk over to John and lock a handcuff around one of his wrists. The other half of the cuff was put on Tommy's wrist. Addison did the same to Michael and Tommy, locking the three together.

'Move them up closer,' Nokes said, sitting on the cot, one arm hanging over my shoulder. 'We wa

Styler pushed the three forward with one hand, lighting a cigarette with the other. Ferguson wiped sweat from his face and forehead with the sleeve of his shirt. Addison stood with his back against the door and giggled.

'Best seats in the house,' Nokes said to me. 'You won't miss a thing from here.'

There was no place for us to go, nowhere for us to run. Our screams would go unheeded. Shouts for the warden would be ignored. No one would listen. No one would care. Fear ruled the night and fear controlled this place.

My friends were face down on the floor, their pants stripped off and tossed to the side, the three guards on their knees behind them, laughing, sweating, hands rubbing flesh, glazed, watery eyes looking at Nokes, waiting for the nod of his head.

'Everybody's ready,' Nokes said to me, squeezing me closer to his side. 'Time to drop the ball.'

Nokes pushed my head onto his shoulder and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, sweat pouring out of both of us like a light, steady rain.

Styler was slapping John's back, playful taps that echoed off the walls of the small room.

Addison hovered over Tommy, fondling himself and staring at me.

I'm go

Ferguson rested his body on top of Michael's, his eyes wide with anticipation.

'Let's go, Nokes,' he said. 'Stop wastin' time. Let's give 'em what they want.'

Nokes pushed us both back against the wall, one of his hands holding my face to the scene before me.

'Go to it,' Nokes said, his eyes, his breath, his body on me. 'Make it party time.'

They tore at my friends, attacked them as if they were animals freed from a cage. The cries, the screams, the shrieks were all a valued part of their beastly game. I sat there, sweat ru

'You go

Nokes leaned over and pushed me face down on my cot. His hands tore at the few clothes I was wearing, stripping me naked, my arms still bound by the nylon cord. He undid the belt around my legs, folded it and began to lash at my back and rear with it.

'You're go

Nokes tossed the belt to the floor and lowered his pants, his breath coming in heavy waves, sweat slicing down off his body. His mouth rested against my ear, his teeth chewing on the lobe.

'This is so you don't forget me,' he said again, the weight of his body now on top of mine. 'Can't let you do that, sweet thing. You gotta remember me like you gotta remember this night. Forever.'

I heard John cry, pitiful moans coming from a well deep inside his soul. I saw Tommy's head bounce like a rubber ball against the cement floor, blood flowing from dual streams above his forehead, his eyes blank, the corners of his mouth washed in foam. I saw Michael's left arm bend across the side of his back until the bones in the joint snapped, the pain strong enough to strip the life from his body.

I felt Nokes pulling at me, hitting me with two closed fists, his mouth biting my shoulders and neck, drawing blood. The front of his head butted against the back of mine with every painful thrust, my nose and cheeks scraping the sharp edges of my cot. One of his knees, the pointy end of his belt now wrapped around it, was wedged against the fleshy part of my thigh, stabbing into it, blood coming out in spurts.

A part of all of us was left in that room that night. A night now far removed by the passage of time. A night that will never be removed from my mind.

The night of July 24, 1968.

The summer of love.

My last night at the Wilkinson Home for Boys.

BOOK THREE

Lazzaro erased with his hand

anything Billy Pilgrim might be

about to say. 'Just forget about

it, kid,' he said. 'Enjoy life

while you can. Nothing's go