Decline and Fall

' "This has been an heirloom of my family since the first crusade," said the Portuguese Count. "It is the one thing which I had hoped to leave to my poor, poor little son." And he tossed it on to the table.

' "I will wager against it my new four‑fu

' "That's not enough," said the Portuguese Countess.

' "And my steam‑yacht Swallow and four tugs and a coaling‑barge, said Philbrick. All the party rose to applaud his reckless bid.

'The hand was played. Philbrick had won. With a low bow he returned the emerald to the Portuguese Countess. "For your son!" he said. Again the guests applauded, but the Portuguese Count was livid with rage. "You have insulted my honour," he said. "In Portugal we have only one way of dealing with such an occurrence."

'There and then they went out into Hyde Park, which was quite close. They faced each other and fired: it was just dawn. At the feet of the Achilles statue Philbrick shot the Portuguese Count dead. They left him with his smoking revolver in his hand. The Portuguese Countess kissed Philbrick's hand as she entered her car. "No one will ever know," she said. "It will be taken for suicide. It is a secret between us."

'But Philbrick was a changed man. The actress was driven from his house. He fell into a melancholy and paced up and down his deserted home at night, overpowered by his sense of guilt. The Portuguese Countess rang him up, but he told her it was the wrong number. Finally he went to a priest and confessed. He was told that for three years he must give up his house and wealth and live among the lowest of the low. That, said Mr Prendergast simply, 'is why he is here. Wasn't that the story he told you?

'No, it wasn't, said Paul.

'Not the shade of a likeness, said Grimes. 'He told me all about himself one evening at Mrs Roberts'. It was like this:

'Mr Philbrick, senior, was a slightly eccentric sort of a cove. He made a big pile out of diamond mines while he was quite young and settled in the country and devoted his declining years to literature. He had two kids: Philbrick and a daughter called Gracie. From the start Philbrick was the apple of the old chap's eye, while he couldn't stick Miss Gracie at any price. Philbrick could spout Shakespeare and Hamlet and things by the yard before Gracie could read "The cat sat on the mat." When he was eight he had a so

'No, it's not. By the way, did he say anything about marrying Dingy?

'Not a word. He said that as soon as the smell of cooking wore off he was going to be the happiest man in the world. Apparently he's engaged to a female poet in Chelsea. He's not the sort of cove I'd have chosen for a brother‑in‑law. But then Flossie isn't really the sort of wife I'd have chosen. These things happen, old boy.

Paul told them about the 'Lamb and Flag' at Camberwell Green and about Toby Cruttwell. 'D'you think that story is true, or yours, or Prendy's? he asked.

'No, said Mr Prendergast.

CHAPTER XII The Agony of Captain Grimes

Two days later Beste‑Chetwynde and Paul were in the organ‑loft of the Llanabba Parish Church.

'I don't think I played that terribly well, do you, sir?

'No.

'Shall I stop for a bit?

'I wish you would.

'Tangent's foot has swollen up and turned black, said Beste‑Chetwynde with relish.

'Poor little brute! said Paul.

'I had a letter from my mamma this morning, Beste-Chetwynde went on. 'There's a message for you in it. Shall I read you what she says?

He took out a letter written on the thickest possible paper. 'The first part is all about racing and a row she's had with Chokey. Apparently he doesn't like the way she's rebuilt our house in the country. I think it was time she dropped that man, don't you?

'What does she say about me? asked Paul.

'She says: "By the way, dear boy, I must tell you that the spelling in your last letters has been just too shatteringfor words. You know how terribly anxious I am for you to get on and go to Oxford, and everything, and I have been thinking, don't you think it might be a good thing if we were to have a tutor next holidays? Would you think it tooboring? Some one young who would fit in. I thought, would that good‑looking young master you said you liked care to come? How much ought I to pay him? I never know these things. I don't mean the drunk one, tho' he was sweet too." I think that must be you, don't you? said Beste‑Chetwynde; 'it can hardly be Captain Grimes.

'Well, I must think that over, said Paul. 'It sounds rather a good idea.

'Well, yes, said Beste‑Chetwynde doubtfully, 'it might be all right, only there mustn't be too much of the schoolmaster about it. That man Prendergast beat me the other evening.

'And there'll be no organ lessons, either, said Paul.

Grimes did not receive the news as enthusiastically as Paul had hoped; he was sitting over the Common Room fire despondently biting his nails.

'Good, old boy! That's splendid, he said abstractedly. 'I'm glad; I am really.

'Well, you don't sound exactly gay.

'No, I'm not. Fact is, I'm in the soup again.

'Badly?

'Up to the neck.

'My dear chap, I am sorry. What are you going to do about it?