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The Apprentice Thief
IT was a lee long time ago when ould Ireland was happy and contented, with lavin’s and lashin’s—plenty to ait and little to do; and we had our own kings—half-a-dozen of them in every county—and our own Parlymint, and we had mines of all sorts and descriptions, both coal and copper and silver and goold—and, more betoken, the guineas was as common as tenpe
“Now, Billy Brogan,” says the king, says he, “what is your son Jack going to turn his hands to?”
“Why, yer highness,” says Billy, that way, back to him, “throgs, I think he’ll turn his hand to anything you laive in his way.”
“Och! I know that,” says the king, says he, “to my own cost; but I mean to say it’s near time you were thinkin’ of givin’ him a thrade, for the short and the long of it is, that I won’t have him about my house or place, longer. I caught him,” says he, “only last night thrying to carry off the best mare I have in my stables, Light-o’-foot, and that, you know, is high thrayson; and ye know that the lightest punishment for high thrayson is to be burned, beheaded and hung. But I’ll pardon him on conditions that you put him to a thrade at wanst, and that at the end of three years he’ll be so parfect at the thrade that I can’t puzzle him in any three things I’ll put afore him to do; but if there’s any one of them he can’t do, he’ll have to suffer his fate for high thrayson.”
“Why, yer kingship,” says Billy, “the tarms is mortial hard, stillandiver we’ll have to do our best, and sure the best can do no more. But what thrade will I ’prentice him to?”
“As for that,” says the king, says he, “plaise yourself, only mind my conditions.”
“Well,” says Billy, says he, in a brown study that way, “I think the only thrade that ever I could make an honest thradesman of him at, would be a thief, for I think it’s the only one he has the inclinations for.”
“Plaise yerself, Billy,” says the king back to him again, “only mind my conditions.”
To make a long story short, Billy thramped off and found Jack, and tould him what the king of the castle was afther saying.
“Well, father,” says Jack, says he, “what can’t be cured must be indured, so you’d betther be up betimes in the mornin’, an’ come along with me till we meet some daicent thief that’s masther of his thrade that you’ll ’prentice me to, for between ourselves I was long switherin’ to go an’ larn the thrade properly anyhow, for though they say that a self-made man is the best, still in this back’ard place one has to work under a great many disadvantages in the uphill part of the business, so that there’s often I would have given my one eye for a couple of good hints from a purficient in the thrade.”
No sooner said than done. Jack and his father took the road early next mornin’, and a weary travel they had of it that day through a strange country till tor’st night they come to an i
They weren’t long in passing, and on the day afther the end of the three years Jack comes steppin’ into his father’s house; and Billy, I can tell you, was delighted to see him. He hardly knew him, for he had grown to be as fine and able lookin’ a man as you’d meet in the longest day in summer.
“Jack,” says his father, says he, throwin’ his arms about him, “have ye larned yer thrade?”
“I hope I have, father,” says he.
“Jack, ahaskey,” says the father, “you know what the king has promised if ye’re not able to do the three things he puts afore ye?”
“Yes, father,” says Jack; “and I’ll do my best to do them, and, as yourself says, sure the best can do no more.”
Well, that evening the father took Jack up to the castle, and when the king come out he told him that this was Jack come home again afther sarvin’ his ’prenticeship, and he had the thrade back with him.
“Why, Jack,” says the king, “it’s welcome ye are, in troth—ceud mile failte romhat—and it’s fresh and bloomin’ ye’re lookin’—what speed did ye come at yer thrade?”
“Why, thank ye kindly, yer highness,” says Jack, “I can’t complain at all; I think I done very fairly for my time—at laist, that was my masther’s opinion, and he’s not the worst judge;” for, ye see, Jack was modest and didn’t care for puffin’ and blowin’ about himself.
“Well, it’s well for ye, Jack,” says the king back to him, “for the three thrials I’ll put afore ye will be no miss, I assure ye.”
“Well, yer kingship,” says Jack, “I’ll feel honoured to do what I can for ye. Would yer highness be plaised to let me know the first, for it’s as well to get the onpleasant business over at wanst?”
“The first thing, Jack, you’ll have to do,” says the king, “is this: To-morrow morning I’ll send out a plough and two horses to plough the tattie field at the back of the hill, and I’ll send two men with them, armed to the teeth; and you’ll have to stale the two horses out of the plough unknownst to the men, and if ye let to-morrow night fall on ye without having the horses stolen you’ll undhergo the punishment for high thrayson—you’ll be burned, beheaded and hung; and this time to-morrow I hope to be feasting my eyes on your head stuck on the porch of that gate there. Do you think will ye be able to succeed, Jack?” says he, laughing hearty.