Praying for Sleep

She glanced at the food then looked inquiringly at him.

“I want you to eat that!” he said.

“I’ve already… Oh, you think it’s poison.”

“I don’t think it’s poison,” he sneered. “I don’t think there’s a posse outside that window. I don’t think you’re a Pinkerton agent. But you can’t be too careful. Now come on. Quit being a shit.”

She ate. Then she smiled and went blank-faced again. He studied her for a moment and set his fork down. “Do you have some milk?”

“Milk? I have low-fat is all. Is that all right?”

“Some milk!” he blared, and she jumped to get it. When she returned he’d already started to eat. He drank the glass down, taking with it a mouthful of food. “I used to work in a dairy.”

“Well, yes.” She nodded politely. “That must be a nice place to work.”

“It was very nice. Dr. Richard got me the job.”

“Who is he?”

“He was my father.”

“Your father was a doctor?”

“Well,” he scoffed, “I don’t mean a father like that.”

“No,” she agreed quickly, seeing the darkness fall over his face. He stopped eating. She told him she liked his tweed cap. He touched it and smiled. “I like it too. I have hair but I cut it off.”

“Why did you do that?”

“I can’t tell you.”

“No, don’t tell me anything you don’t want to.”

“If I don’t want to, I won’t. You don’t have to give me permission.”

“I wasn’t giving you permission. I didn’t mean to sound like I was. You can do whatever you want.”

“Don’t I know it.” Michael cleaned his plate.

“Would you like some more?”

“Milk. I’d like more milk.” When she was in the kitchen he added, “Please.”

As he took the tall glass from her he intoned in an FM disc jockey’s voice, “A wholesome snack.”

She barked a laugh and he smiled. As he poured the milk down she asked, “What are you doing?”

“I’m drinking milk,” he answered with exasperation.

“No. I mean, what are you doing out tonight? There’s supposed to be a storm like we haven’t seen in a donkey’s age.”

“What’s a donkey’s age?” He squinted.

She stared at him with a vacant face. “Uhm, now that you ask, I don’t exactly know. It means for a long time.”

“Is it like an expression? Is it like a cliché?”

“I guess so.”

He stared down, his eyes as empty and filmy as the glass in his hand. “Did you know that ‘anger’ is fivesixths of ‘danger’?”

“No, I didn’t. But it surely is. How about that?”

“So there.”

She broke the very dense silence by asking, “What did you do in the dairy?”

Michael’s erection had not gone away. His penis hurt and this was begi

“Well, Boyleston, I suppose. It’s south about forty, fifty miles.”

“How would I get there?”

“Go west to 315. It’ll take you right there. That becomes Hubert Street and it goes right past the train station. Amtrak.”

“In no time at all?”

“No time at all,” she agreed. “Why are you going there?”

“I told you,” he snapped. “I can’t say!”

Her hands went into her lap.

Michael began rummaging through his backpack. “I’m sorry, I’m very sorry,” he said to her. But he uttered these words, then repeated them, with such deep longing that it was clear he was apologizing not for being curt but rather for something else-something he was about to do, something far graver than bad ma

Under clouds so fast and turbulent they seemed like special effects from a science-fiction movie, Portia L’Auberget inhaled the scents of decaying leaves and the musky lake. Several feet away her sister lifted the shovel and dropped a huge pile of gravel around the front wheels of the stranded car.

The young woman flexed her hands. They stung and she supposed the skin was starting to blister from the wet gloves. Her muscles were on fire. Her head ached from the pounding rain.

And she was troubled by something else, a vague thought-something other than the storm. At first she wondered if it might be the escape. Yet she’d never really believed that someone like Michael Hrubek could make it all the way to Ridgeton from the mental hospital, certainly not on a night like this.

No, some nebulous memory kept rising up disturbingly then vanishing. It seemed that it had something to do with this portion of the yard. She was picturing… what was it? Plants? Had there been a garden here of some sort? Ah, yes. It was here. The old vegetable garden.

Then she remembered Tom Wheeler.

How old had they been? Twelve or thirteen probably, both of them. One fall afternoon-maybe November, like tonight-the ski

He started for the state park.

“Uh-uh,” Portia a

And led him to the vegetable garden. Here she spread the blanket in partial view of the house and lay down, kicking off her Keds and stretching sumptuously. But somebody might see, he protested. Somebody could be watching right now! She placed his hand on her breast and he stopped worrying about voyeurs. Portia lay on her back, surrounded by slug-chewed pumpkins and short blond cornstalks. Tommy beside her, covering her hot mouth with his; she had to breathe for long stretches through her nose. She now recalled smelling this same scent of wet, late fall. Drowsy flies strafed them. Finally, confusing him by not protesting, she allowed his pale, freckled hand to pass the elastic barrier. He glanced at the windows of the house then jabbed with a shaking finger, leaving inside her a glow of pain and on her bare hip a large wet spot that matched the one spreading across the front of his dungarees.

They lay awkwardly, side by side, for a few minutes then he suddenly whispered, “I think there’s somebody there.”

Though he’d said that only to escape and he rose quickly and vanished down the driveway. Hearing the resonant guitar licks fade, Portia grew dizzy as she watched the thick clouds pass overhead and wondered about the mysteries of bodies. She spent a long time unsuccessfully trying to convince herself to feel bad that he’d fled.

Portia now realized, with a twist in her belly, that it was not this memory of speedy Tommy Wheeler at all that was so troubling. It was Indian Leap.

She had almost not accompanied her sister and brother-in-law on the picnic. She had no interest in the out-of-doors, no interest in state parks-especially the park to which she’d been dragged by teachers on tedious field trips and in which she later spent hours gazing at treetops, as she lay beneath boyfriends, or friends of boyfriends, or sometimes strangers.

No, it was essentially a decision by default. She was fed up with the quiet anxiety of solo life in Manhattan: The di