The Totem

Like himself, he thought. But really, he knew what the truth was. He was getting older than he liked to think, and he was damned if he would sit around and let death come to him. What was the greatest disappointment in the world? That of feeling useless. If he didn't work, he didn't see that he was justified. Still, he guessed his wife was right. He didn't have a reason to put in this kind of day. Maybe he would cut back, work just mornings, spend some time around the house. His wife was aging too, and maybe they should find out more about each other. While they still had the opportunity.

He sat and thought, his breath now coming easier, glancing out the window while he listened to his wife reheating supper, and the phone rang.

"Don't get up," she told him, and he understood. This likely would be business. Most calls at this hour were, and she was bound to see he wasn't bothered. He sat, waiting while it rang. He heard her put a lid down on a pot, then saw her walk across the entrance to the kitchen, disappearing toward the phone that hung against the cupboard wall. She got there halfway through another ring.

"Hello… No, I'm sorry he's not in right now. I'll take a message… What? How are you, Sam? I didn't recognize your voice. How's the…? No, I don't know where he is… Well, is it serious? If you'll tell me what it is, I'll have him call… You're sure? All right, then, Sam, I'll have him call you first thing he comes in… No, I won't forget… Right, Sam. Yes, I will… Right. Goodbye."

And that was that. He heard her hang the phone up and then saw her walk across the doorway toward the stove. He knew three Sams, but he didn't dare ask which it was. If she wanted to, she'd tell him, but he knew that if he asked her he would only make her mad. So he waited. He sat, smelling supper as it cooked. Then she told him it was ready. He went in and ate. Slowly as she wanted him. Pork chops, string beans, and potatoes, boiled, then stirred with butter and crushed parsley, as he liked them. Then she had a pie for him, apple with brown sugar and no upper crust. Again, the way he liked it. Then there was some tea, Chinese black, light and smooth and mellow. And he waited. He sat back and looked at her and tapped his fingers on the table.

And she told him. "That was Sam Bodine."

He nodded.

"Best get over there."

He had to laugh. "I thought you didn't want me to."

"I've changed my mind."

"What is it?"

"That's the point. He wouldn't say."

The old man looked at her.

"You should have heard his voice. I think you'd better go."

He looked at her a moment longer and then stood to get his bag.

THREE

The old man's house was on the edge of town, the side that faced the western mountains. He got in the car and backed out of the driveway, aiming toward the setting sun. It was almost down behind the mountains now. Its topmost swollen rim was barely showing.

Rocky Mountains. Tall and jagged, capped with snow although June was oddly warm. In August, some would be rock bare, but most would be snow-covered all year round. That was one nice thing about this kind of country: the difference in the weather. In the valley, it might be one hundred, but five hours drive up there and you could dig snow caves and wear a jacket. Plus, the sun did strange things with its color. It might be white with heat from nine to five, but after that, as it came closer to the mountains, dipping down behind them, the sun changed first to red and then to orange, bathing everything in alpen-glow, a rich warm golden tone that made the countryside seem magical. It was like that now, everything the same calm soothing color. Even trees were tinted by it, the green of leaves now more like yellow, the range grass all around reminding him of grain and honey.

The old man drove down the road past fence posts stretching off as far as he could see, past ranch homes nestled in their hollows, cattle feeding, windmills turning in the evening breeze. The supper had been very good. He had eaten more than was his custom. Indeed he felt much better now, his breath more easy, his legs more steady. That was why he drove the kind of car he did: to help him with his legs. The effort of a clutch had lately been too much for him, and he had traded to an automatic, which was bad for hills and snow, but he was forced to pace himself. In little ways he had to compensate. He sat back in the seat, his foot relaxed on the pedal, his hand light on the steering wheel, and glanced at all the country as he passed, the isolated trees, the sweep of rangeland stretching off, the fences, and the cattle, and he thought of Sam Bodine. No, of Bodine's father. At one time, the old man had been just about his closest friend, although they hadn't been old back then, thirty, forty years ago, hunting, fishing, working. No, not just about his closest friend. His only friend. They had been like brothers. He had loved the man, and still he missed him dearly. After twenty years, he marveled at how constant was his grief. He had seen the son grow to a man and seen him marry and have children. He had helped him every bit as much as he was able. But the son was not the father. He had different interests and concerns, and things were never quite the same.

Now he drove out toward the ranch as he had done so many times before. He passed the tree that he had seen grow from a seedling to a giant and then start to crumble. He passed the ditches he had helped to dig, the fences he had helped to set. He came around the curve that led down toward the entrance, slowing, turning left to rattle across the grate that lay over a gully and that kept the cattle off the highway, its metal gaps so wide that cattle couldn't walk across them. Next he was on gravel, gaining speed again, spi

Then he saw him standing by the gravel parking space beside the house, big and tall, dressed in denim shirt and jeans, cowman's hat and boots, hands gripped on his thighs. His face was strong and solid, leathered, at the same time almost chiseled. He was walking forward even as the old man pulled in on the gravel.

"Thanks for coming."

The old man nodded. "What's the trouble?"

"I don't want to say. I'd rather have you look."

The old man glanced at him a moment and then got out with his bag. In all his years he'd never heard a rancher talk that way. They almost always had a thought of what the problem was and told him right away. Whatever was the matter out here surely wasn't ordinary.

Bodine was already walking. "How you feeling?"

"Pretty good," the old man said.

"We're going to be a while." Bodine said that with his head turned as he walked, angling toward the big garage.

"It isn't in the barn?"

Bodine shook his head and pointed. "Out there on the edge of the foothills. My boy's there watching now. We'd best take the truck."

And that was that. Bodine was already climbing into the truck to start the engine.

The old man climbed in the other side and set his bag between his legs. "But what's the mystery?"

"I don't want to say. A thing like this, if I tell you, you'll get preconceptions. Have a look, then you tell me."

And they were driving out the open doorway, turning west beside the barn, and heading off across the range.