Страница 17 из 52
Christina shook her head. "She threatened sometimes. Half kidding you know, wanting to make me 'come out of the closet'. I like it just fine in the closet. But Sheila'd never have done it."
"Because she loved you?"
"No. I don't know that she did love me. Because she was a very ethical person. Painfully so. She used to boast-and it was true in a lot of ways-that she had no morals but she did have ethics. To tell someone else's secrets would not have been an ethical thing to do."
"Why did you break in, search her picture collection?"
"I was afraid if the pictures turned up in her effects they might be made public in some way. Then Erik would find out like he finds out everything. He would use them to prove I was an unfit mother. He'd take Alison from me."
"Erik is Alison's father?"
"Legally."
A
"After Erik and I had been trying a while we found out his sperm count was too low-practically nil-and what few little guys there were, were pretty poor swimmers. 'Weak specimens' the doctor called them. Alison's daddy is the turkey baster. High tech, though. We had it done in a fancy clinic in San Raphael."
"I take it, it was not an amicable divorce," A
"No. Erik was having an affair with his corner office and his mahogany desk at an investment banking firm in San Francisco and I was having an affair with the woman who came to do the stenciling in the nursery.
"Erik had been pretty upset over the sperm count thing even though it really didn't matter much to me. I guess having his wife run off with another woman was more than he could take. He even threatened to kill her. He actually waited at her off ramp and rammed Linda's car with his Toyota. He was just trying to scare us, I think. It worked. Linda moved to Seattle. I lost touch with her after a while."
"Why didn't he get Alison then?"
"He tried but I went on the stand and lied my way out of it. There wasn't any proof. And I guess I didn't look like the judge's idea of one of 'them.' He'll never give up, though."
"He loves Alison that much? Or hates you?"
"Both in his way, I guess. But what he really loves is wi
A moment passed in silence. Christina looked through the pictures again but this time there were no tears. When she'd finished, she held them out to A
"Keep them," A
"You loved somebody!" Christina sounded faintly surprised.
"Did you think of me as the Snow Queen, a heart of ice?"
Christina was quiet so long, A
"I suppose I did," she said finally. "You seem so tough, so together, lifting heavy weights and driving big trucks. It's easier to believe other people are tough-unfeeling-then you don't have to be careful of them. You can go right on along being careful only of yourself. If you have a heart," Christina said gently, "it's made of gold." She held the corner of the bundle of pictures over the chimney of the lamp. Flames bloomed green and blue from the developing chemical.
"It's a shame," A
Christina left at nine-forty; eleven-forty New York time. A
For this call, A
"It's me. Did I wake you up?" A
"Nope. This is the City That Never Sleeps. Tonight I know why. The people in 3C won't let it. I knew I should have moved when they took up clog dancing." There was a sudden silence in the listening darkness of the phone lines, a hushed breath, a sense of palpable relief.
"Still smoking?" A
"Still drinking?" Molly returned.
"Like a fish."
"Like a chimney."
"By sixty-two you'll be dead of emphysema like Aunt Gertie."
"By seventy-four you'll fall drunk in the upper pond and drown like Gramma Davis."
"Come to West Texas. At least mix your smoke with some real air," A
"Too many crazy clients," Molly said with a laugh.
"Speaking of crazy," A
"Woman to woman love? Politically correct. Low risk of disease. High chance of getting grant money for artistic endeavors. That'll be a hundred and forty-five dollars."
"Molly…"
"You're serious. Okay." There followed a silence through which A
"And Rogelio?" Molly asked.
"Rogelio is…" A
"Nine," Molly said dryly.
"Give or take."
"Your occasionally torrid past indicates a degree of heterosexuality that I, as a licensed psychiatrist, ca
"Tonight I think I felt myself leaning toward a torrid future with Christina."
"Christina?"
"Every inch a woman. Christina Walters. She's the clerk-typist here." A
Two beats of black silence pounded through the phone wires. "What do you feel about all this?" her sister asked.
The doctor was IN.
"Mostly confusion."
"Okay. Tell me about Christina."
A
For over three-quarters of an hour, way past midnight Eastern Daylight time, Molly listened. When A
"Christina sounds like a nice woman," she said at last and A
"Is that all?" she demanded.
"A
"I have friends," A
"I don't think so. I think you used to have friends. After Zach was killed-and you finally sobered up-you took out of New York City like all the demons of hell were after you. You became Smokey Bear's right-hand man and you've never looked back. When I run into your old friends at Saks they're wearing black arm bands. Everybody thinks you died, too."
"None of my friends could afford Saks," A
"All right," Molly said. "When I'm at Saks, I see them through the window waiting for the bus to the Lower East Side. But you get my point."
"Maybe I don't."
"Maybe you do. Maybe you need a girlfriend. Maybe you're overwhelmed that this woman was warm and kind and female. Maybe you're gun-shy of attachment because Zach left you. Maybe you miss Zach's feminine side."
"You're shrinking me," A
"You're the one with the sexual identity crisis. What do you want?"
"Rogelio has a feminine side," A
"From what you've told me, Rogelio has a weak side. Not at all the same."
"I'll think about that," A
Molly laughed, unoffended. "Hey, one's as good as the other these days. Maybe you are turning gay. That's well and good. I just wanted to give you some other things to think about. Powerful need for affection, identification-all that underrated and over-exploited sisterhood stuff-is visceral. Feels almost sexual to those not in touch with themselves."