Sweet Dreams, Irene

“I think it would be a mistake to believe that would be enough,” he said.

“You think there are more people involved in this?”

“No, no, that’s not what I mean. It’s a possibility, but not my point. I’m just saying that you need to start getting out and around a little, to work on overcoming your fears on your own. Don’t let finding or not finding the Pony Player decide whether you do or don’t get on with your life.”

I was about to ask him what the hell he thought he knew about overcoming fear, when the word “leukemia” occurred to me.

“You’re right,” I admitted. “But I’d still feel better if I knew more about the Pony Player. I guess you don’t think there’s much hope of catching him.”

“Irene, I’m living proof that you ought to expect the unexpected. I’d never tell you to give up.”

I WON’T CLAIM that I jumped right up, shouted hallelujah, and started dancing a jig, but I did slowly start taking Jack’s advice. I began by seeing an orthopedist and a physical therapist, which forced me to get out for a while each day. I had to fight down panic every time I stepped out the front door, and clutched Frank’s hand throughout each brief car ride to the doctor’s office, but at least I wasn’t cowering in the house.

That’s how things were going until the day we went sailing. Like Jack said – expect the unexpected.

31

BY THE WEEKEND before Thanksgiving, I thought Frank might sell me off to Sea World as the planet’s largest living crab. I was restless and frustrated and tired of not being able to do things for myself. I felt like I wasn’t getting any better.

In reality, I was making great progress, healing quickly and steadily, in perhaps everything but my nerves. Frank tried to be patient, but both the lack of sleep my nightmares caused him and my changeable moods took their toll, and after a while we started snapping at each other over little things.

We had a particularly nasty round about our Thanksgiving plans. He still wanted me to go with him to Bakersfield – while I worried that my casts and slings would be met with slings and arrows.

“Sure, Frank. I can see it now: ‘Hello, Mrs. Harriman, I’m Frank’s girlfriend. Live-in girlfriend. Yes, I know I look like I’ve gone a couple of rounds with Jack Dempsey.’”

“Irene-”

“‘Tutankhamen? The mummy? No, I don’t think I am related to the Egyptian Pharaoh, but why do you ask?’”

“It won’t be like that.”

“You’re right. It will be worse. ‘No, no, Mrs. Harriman, even before this happened to me, Frank cut up my food for me. Do you have a bib I could borrow?”

“You’re going to be fine. Do you think I’d let anyone give you a bad time?”

“You go. I’ll stay here.”

“If you don’t go, I don’t go.”

“Don’t be childish.”

“Look who’s talking! You’ve been whining like a damned baby for the past two days.”

“I didn’t ask to be brought here. Send me home.”

“That is a ridiculous suggestion and you know it.” And at that, he stormed out of the house.

As with every encounter of this nature, once I had simmered down a little, I felt overcome with guilt. That in turn fed a kind of depression that I found difficult to fend off. And so it was that I went into a funk not long after he had slammed the front door.

Cody came over to me, leapt up into my lap, and made a irksome yowling sound, acting like he would like to bite me.

“Not you, too.”

He turned around and gave me the cat version of a mooning and jumped down. Wonderful. Male bonding had gone a little too far in that household. I got up and started doing my Peg-leg Pete imitation, a lopsided pacing that only seemed to further irritate me.

Before long, Frank came back in and watched me thumping around. “Irene, that can’t be good for your ankle.”

I wanted to say, “Forgive me, Frank, I’ve been a jerk.” What I did say was, “Leave me alone.”

“I came in to apologize,” he said, ignoring my snottiness. “Never mind about Thanksgiving. Maybe we can just spend it here together.”

I stopped pacing and scowled. “You’re being too reasonable.”

He started laughing, and despite my efforts to the contrary, I found my scowl lifting into a grin.

“You’re being impossible and you know it,” he said.

“Yes, I am,” I sighed, and eased myself down on to the couch. “I’m going crazy, Frank.”

He sat next to me. “I know. What can we do about it?”

“I don’t know.” I was out and out glum.

Just then there was a familiar pattern of knocks on the front door. We both recognized it and Frank called out, “Come on in, Jack.”

Jack took one look at us and said, “You’ve just had a fight, haven’t you?”

Frank and I exchanged a look that was a mixture of surprise and shame.

“I knew it. Okay, that does it. I’ve been meaning to suggest this for a couple of days. Frank, have you got a pair of warm sweatpants that will fit over Irene’s cast?”

I frowned, but Frank was answering, “Yes, I think so.”

“Good. We’re going sailing.”

“What?” I yelped.

“We’re going sailing. You know, a boat, the ocean, and a little breeze?”

“Forget it, Jack,” I said. “I can’t.”

“Why not?”

I hesitated. “I just can’t.”

“You mean you won’t do it,” Jack said evenly.

“Okay, I won’t.”

“Not an acceptable answer. I’ll be back in an hour. Be ready. I’ve got a big sweater that will fit over that harness you’re in.”

And with that set of directives, he left. Frank, damn him, was gri

“You aren’t seriously thinking of doing this, are you?”

“Yes.”

“Frank, he’s crazy.”

“No, he’s making more sense than we have lately.”

“I don’t want to go.”

“You love the ocean. Don’t you miss seeing it?”

“Yes, but-”

“What would O’Co

“You fight dirty, you know that?” I said, then sighed. “I give in. I can’t take on you and Jack and Cody all in the same afternoon.”

“Cody?”

“Never mind. Let’s get ready.”

Frank went into motion. Seeing his enthusiasm, I felt a little twinge of guilt at the thought that this very active man had been cooped up in the house with me whenever he wasn’t at work or accompanying me to the doctor’s office. I decided that for Frank’s sake, if not my own, I needed to go along with Jack’s plan.

JACK RETURNED with a sweater large enough to get on me without jarring my shoulder. Frank put a stocking cap on my head for warmth.

“Let’s go!” Jack said.

Outside, we were waved to by a couple of neighbors and got a wide-eyed look from a cable-TV installer; otherwise no one was out on the street, so this venture out of the house wasn’t too bad. We drove down to the marina; we were in our by-now standard arrangement of Jack driving while Frank sat in the backseat, next to me. Frank kept hold of my hand, but this time, I wasn’t clenching it in fear. I traced my fingers over his, enjoying the feel of his hand, his closeness.

Above the rows of masts in the marina, the sky was a soft, cloudy gray. I was grateful for the sweater. There were people out and about, but the weather wasn’t warm enough to draw a big crowd. We stopped at a sharp-looking Catalina 36. Jack told us the boat had been his mother’s; he had lived aboard it when he first came back to Las Piernas. It was named the Pandora.

“More Greek mythology?” I asked.

Jack nodded. “Mom once told me that I shouldn’t see it as a story which blamed the world’s troubles on a woman; I should simply remember that the world would have been a very dull place if Pandora hadn’t been inquisitive.”

It was a calm day, just enough wind to move us along. The sea was smooth, Jack was an able skipper, and we made our way out onto the bay in an easy fashion. For all I cared, it might as well have been a su