Sacred and Profane

“No?”

“Not at all!” Erin said. “I mean, I’d die if I had to ask someone younger than myself for help. I mean, it really kills me to ask Josh Berenson to help me with my algebra, but at least he asks me for help with his compositions so it all like balances out.”

“I can see that.”

“But Lindsey didn’t care a fig. Just walked right up to me and said, ‘ Erin, I’ve got a little problem with the book report.’” She sighed. “Lindsey and I, we liked each other but didn’t talk too much. Mostly when we did, it was she trying to set me up. I wasn’t interested in the guys she’d get for me, you know. I like older men. I need someone mature.”

She leaned forward.

“I’ve had men in their forties come on to me.”

Her eyes swung from Marge to Decker, settling somewhere below Decker’s belt.

“I can handle that, too,” she whispered.

Thank God for Margie.

“Did Lindsey like older men?” Decker asked.

“Hell, no. Her boyfriend was a nothing. A nice guy but a nothing. I realize that’s a value judgment.”

“Did you ever meet her boyfriend?”

“Sure. She used to bring Chris around when my mom wasn’t home. Mom didn’t like him.”

“You know why?”

“Because he was a nothing. But my definition of a nothing is different from hers. A nothing to me means empty in the skulleruno. Mom’s nothing is synonymous with no money.”

“Do you think it’s possible that Lindsey and Chris took off together?”

“It’s possible.” Her voice had dropped an octave and she winked at him. “Anything’s possible.” She glanced at Marge. “Does she have to be here?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Departmental rules,” he lied.

She frowned.

“So you think that Chris and your sister ran away together?” Decker asked.

“I didn’t say that. I just said I thought it was possible.”

“Ever see Chris get violent?”

“No.”

“Did Lindsey ever tell you that Chris was violent or mean or had a bad temper?”

“No. Nothing like that. The two of them were madly in love-Hero and Leander, or something out of Bullfinch’s Mythology. He wouldn’t have hurt her.”

She sounded sincere.

“Did Lindsey ever mention Chris taking nude photographs of her?”

“Yep. I’ve seen them. Man, she had it all.” She lowered her head. “I was real jealous of her looks and her body. God just wasn’t fair when He doled out the physical attributes. I used to say mean things to her to get even. It hurt her. She never said anything, but I know it hurt her.”

“All sisters find something to fight about, Erin. That’s normal.”

She shrugged. “Yeah, I suppose you’re right. Hell, I spent plenty of nights doctoring up her essays.”

“I’m sure you did,” Decker said. “ Erin, do you think Lindsey would ever do more than just pose in the nude?”

“Like do porno?”

“Yeah, like do porno.”

She shook her head. “No. I don’t think she’d do it.”

“Do you think Chris could have talked her into it?”

“No. He wouldn’t do something like that. Nudes are one thing. Being fucked like a baboon in heat is quite another.”

She gave him a suggestive smile. Decker ignored it.

“Did you know that Lindsey kept a diary?” he asked.

The girl didn’t respond.

“ Erin?”

“What?”

“Did you know that Lindsey kept a diary?”

“Oh?”

“Do you have it, Erin?”

Again, she didn’t answer.

“Why don’t you level with me?” Decker said gently.

“Yeah, I have it,” she said. “I took it when it was clear Lindsey wasn’t coming back. I didn’t want my mother to find it. Are you go

“I’m afraid I have to,” Decker said.

The girl angrily squashed her cigarette into an ashtray and clenched her jaw.

“Oh shit! Grounded for weeks. I mean, Mom asked me if I knew where it was and I out and lied to her. But my motivation was altruistic, you know?”

“How so?”

“I knew what was in there-her and Chris. I mean, she read passages to me, the lovemaking passages. It was pretty graphic. I didn’t want my mom to be mad at Lindsey, you know? ’Cause she was really a nice sister. And I kept on thinking Lindsey would come back home, so why have Mom on her case as well as my own? Also, I didn’t want Lindsey to think I was a snitch and a snoop and be disappointed in me. Shit, I can’t believe she’s really…gone. I keep thinking she’s away at summer camp and’ll be home any day now.”

She sniffed back tears.

“But she won’t, will she?”

Decker shook his head.

She threw the pack of cigarettes across the room.

“Friggin’ awful,” she whispered.

“I’m sorry.”

“What are you going to do with the diary?” she asked.

“We hope it’ll help us out in our investigation.”

“It won’t. I know what’s in there. Just a lot of very personal stuff.”

“Sometimes something very minor turns out to be very important.”

The girl went over to one of her books, pulled out a false spine and extracted a pink vinyl-covered pocket book trimmed in gold.

“Here,” she said, giving it to Decker. “She wrote a couple of nasty things about Mom and Dad and me. But she wasn’t really like that at all. They were written in anger and I’ve forgiven her. I mean really, I know I’m not beautiful, but I’m no bag-lady either.” She looked to Decker for confirmation.

“You’re a very pretty teenager, Erin,” he said calmly.

She blushed. “No, really…What do you really think?”

“I think you’re a very pretty teenager,” he repeated.

“Mom’s always bugging me to do more with myself. Like Lindsey. I mean Lindsey was just much more into the superficials than I am.” The girl grew pensive. “She was also flesh and blood, not just private thoughts scrawled on a piece of paper. Remember that when you read this, Sergeant,” she said, tapping her finger on the diary.

“I will, Erin.”

“I’m go

A toss of the coin put Decker in the driver’s seat as Marge delved into the diary. After ten minutes of reading, she chuckled out loud.

“The kid had a sense of humor,” she said. “Listen to this. It’s dated about a year ago. ‘We made love again last night.’ She’s referring to Chris. ‘I did something I’ve never done before. I opened my eyes and looked at him while he was doing it. He looked like he was going to sneeze but it never came out so I guess that’s just how he looks when he’s into it. I like to make love, I like the closeness to Chris, but I kept wanting to offer him a tissue when I watched him. From now on, I think I’ll keep my eyes closed.’”

Decker smiled, but it was edged with sadness. Marge caught the melancholy in his eyes.

“This is very ghoulish,” she said, flipping the page.

“At least we’re on the side of truth and justice.”

“You forgot the American way.”

The Plymouth hooked onto the 210 Freeway, the major thoroughfare that linked the Foothill pocket communities with intercity urban sprawl. Dusk coated the mountains, obscuring their hard edges. Marge took out a penlight to augment the dwindling light.

“Did she write about boys other than Chris?” Decker asked.

“Nope. At least not so far.” She read a few more pages to herself. “Lindsey was wild about Chris. Gushing. True love.”

“Get a feel for him?”

“He liked sex.”

“That’s the majority of the diary?”

“Oh no, not at all. Most of it is very mundane-one-sentence entries. She didn’t even write every day. Here-the whole weekend is summed up as ‘I bought a pink blouse.’ Two days later she writes, ‘I got a new pair of sandals.’ The next weekend it’s, ‘I gotta get to a beach. My tan’s fading. I look like Ghostwoman.’”

Marge went back to reading. The police radio spat out calls that concerned neither of them. Decker lit a cigarette to break the monotony of the ride.

“Listen to this,” Marge said. “Dated around six months ago. ‘ Erin came home dressed in her bag-lady getup.’”