The Jester

A page leaned over to Baldwin. “Your hawks await, my lord.”

“Good. Is there any more business before the court?” Baldwin asked, implying he wanted none.

I swallowed nervously. This was my chance. Why I had come. I pushed my way to the front.

“I have business, my lord!”

Chapter 43

“THERE IS THE MATTER of your western lands,” I called out from the throng of petitioners.

“Who speaks?” Baldwin asked, startled. A surprised buzz worked through the crowd of petitioners.

“A knight, your lordship,” I shouted. “I have taken a raiding party and sacked and burned all the villages of your enemies in the west.”

Baldwin stood up. He leaned over to his seneschal. “But we don’t have any enemies in the west…”

I took a breath and edged myself out from the crowd. “I am sorry, lord, but I fear that you do now.”

Slowly, steadily, a trail of laughter wound through the room. As the joke became clear, it grew heartier.

“It is a fool,” I heard someone say. “A performance.”

Baldwin glared and stepped toward me. His icy stare made my blood run cold. “Who are you, fool? What has prompted you to speak?”

“I am Hugh. From Borée.” I bowed. “I have studied under Norbert, the famous jester there. I am informed that your court is greatly in need of a laugh.”

“A laugh? My court hungers for a laugh …?” Baldwin squinted uncomprehendingly. “You are certainly fool-born, [134] man, I grant you that. And you have come all this way from the big city to amuse us.”

“That is so, my lord.” I bowed again, nerves flashing through me.

“Well, your journey is wasted,” the noble said. “We already have a fool here. Don’t we, Palimpost, my droll pet?”

The jester sprang up, an old, clubfooted man with white hair and thick lips who looked as if he had just been jolted awake.

“With all due respect,” I said, stepping into the middle of the room and addressing the court, “I have heard that Palimpost couldn’t get a laugh from a drunken sot. That he has lost his touch. I say hear me out. If you are not happy, I will be on my way.”

“The boy sports a challenge to you.” Baldwin gri

“Restrain him, my lord,” Palimpost said. “Do not listen. He means to create unrest in your duchy.”

“Our only unrest, my dizzy-eyed fool, is from the dullness of your wit. Perhaps the lad is right. Let us see what he brings from Borée.”

Baldwin stepped down from his platform. He made his way across the room toward me. “Make us laugh, and we will see about your future. Fail, and you’ll be practicing jokes for the rats in our keep.”

“It’s fair, my lord.” I bowed. “I will make you laugh.”

Chapter 44

I STOOD IN THE CENTER of the huge room. A hundred pairs of eyes were on me.

In a group of lounging knights, I spotted Norcross, the duke’s military man, his chatelain. I eyed him tremulously, though he did not look my way. Every sense told me this was the man who had killed my son.

“You have all no doubt heard the tale of the cow from Amiens,” I crowed.

People looked at one another and shook their heads. “We have not,” someone yelled out. “Tell us, jester.”

“These two peasants had a single denier between them. So to enlarge their fortune, they decided to buy a cow, and every day they would sell its milk. Now, as everyone knows, the best cows in the land come from Amiens.

“So they went there, and they traded the denier for the best cow they could find, who yielded lots of milk. And they sold the milk each morning. Soon, one of them said, ‘If we can mate this fine cow, we’ll have two. We can double our milk and our money.’ So they searched their village and found the finest bull. Soon, they were going to be rich.”

I sca

[136] “The day of the mating, they brought in the bull. First, he tried to mount the cow from behind, but the cow wiggled away. Then, the bull came at her from the left, but the cow wiggled its rump to the right. If it came from the right, the cow wiggled left.”

I spotted an attractive lady and went up to her. I smiled and wiggled my own rump. Just enough to be considered cute. The crowd oohed with delight.

“Finally,” I said, “the peasants threw up their hands in frustration. There was no way this cow from Amiens would mate. But instead of giving up, they decided to consult the smartest person in the duchy. A knight of such rare wisdom, such vision, he knew why all things were as they were.”

I noticed Norcross reclining on his elbow, following the tale. I strode up to him. “Someone like you, knight,” I said.

The crowd cackled. “Your story errs there,” said Baldwin, laughing, “if it’s brains you want.”

“So I’ve heard.” I bowed to the duke. “But for the purpose of the tale, he’ll do.”

Norcross’s amusement began to sour and he glared at me, red faced.

“So the peasants came to this very wise knight and they told him of their problem with the cow. They moaned, ‘What must we do?’

“The wise knight replied, ‘You say if the bull tries to mount it this way, it wiggles left? And from this direction, it wiggles right?’

“ ‘Yes!’ they cried.

“The knight thought it over. ‘I do not know if I can solve your dilemma,’ he said, ‘but I know one thing. Your cow is from Amiens, is it not?’

“ ‘Yes, yes,’ the peasants shouted. ‘It is indeed from Amiens. How could you possibly know?’ ”

I turned back to Norcross. I perched on the table next to him. ‘“Because my wife,’ the knight muttered, ‘she is from Amiens as well.’ ”

[137] The hall burst into laughter. The knights, the duke, the ladies. All except Norcross. Then the vast room echoed with applause.

Baldwin came up and slapped me on the back. “You are indeed fu

“Many,” I replied, to punctuate the point, I sprang into a forward flip, then one backward. The crowd oohed.

“They must laugh well in Borée. You may stay, my new companion. You are hired.”

I raised my arms in triumph. The large room echoed with applause. But inside, I knew I stood inches from the very men I had sworn to kill.

“Palimpost, as of this day you are retired,” Baldwin declared. “Show the new fool your spot.”

“Retired? But I have no desire, my liege. Haven’t I served you with all my wit?”

“With what little you have. So you are unretired, then. I grant you a new job. In the graveyard. See if you can cheer up the audience there.”

Chapter 45

TWO DAYS AFTER my arrival, Baldwin a

I was instructed by the lord’s chamberlain that I would be a main act at the festivities. Baldwin ’s wife, the lady Heloise, had heard of my audition and was eager to see my act.

This would be my first real test!

The day of the gathering, the entire castle bustled with activity. An endless army of servants wearing their finest uniforms, tunics of the same purple and white, marched dishware and elaborate candelabras into the great hall. Minstrels practiced on the lawn. Giant logs were loaded into the hearths. The luscious aroma of roasting goose, pig, and sheep permeated the castle.

I spent the day polishing my routine. This was my coming out, my first real performance. I had to shine, to remain in Baldwin ’s good graces. I juggled, twirled my staff, practiced my flips back and forth, went over my tales and jokes.

Finally, the evening of the feast was at hand. Nervous as a groom, I made my way to the banquet hall. Four long tables filled the room, each covered in the finest linen cloth and set with candelabras engraved with the duke’s lion shield.