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"How did I get involved… I was bored. Let me tell you, Harper, a couple of years ago I thought I was a real badass." His voice was low and soft, coming slowly and with a subtle rhythm. "I drove everybody crazy, I got into trouble, got thrown in jail, messed with people, just did mean, stupid things because I could. And my friends thought I was damn cool for it—or they just really loved seeing me screw up. What a bunch of jerks. I figured out how dumb it was—eventually. And I've been trying to get my life together since then. But sometimes it's. . well, it's boring. So this guy I know says this ghost study sounds like a trip, and I thought it could be. . fun. And Tuck thought I was cool, so I was in." He sat back and let the waitress put down a mug of coffee. He thanked her with a sincere look straight in the eyes as if coffee from her was a blessing. He started tinkering with the drink as soon as she left, dropping his gaze and keeping it from mine.
"Fun," I repeated, dismissing the odd mood he'd created. "Is that why you knocked on the table at the first séance?”
He jerked his head up and stared at me, his eyes wide. "What?" he squeaked. "Me?”
I nodded. "I studied the recording. It was you.”
He laughed and seemed very ordinary, the hard walls around him momentarily dropping, and I saw a thin yellow thread of energy looped around his head. "All right, all right. Yeah, I did it. It was all just so. . goofy. Here we're all taking this thing so seriously and trying to be cool with it and in my head I'm laughing my ass off. So I smacked the table with my knee. And they're all so excited and I'm trying not to bust up. God, it was fu
"What do you think of Tuckman's premise?”
"Tuckman's premise." He thought a bit. "Seems plausible. See, I don't really believe in this ghost thing—all that spooky howling around the windows stuff—I figure what's the point? But… I think I met one once. There was something there, at least. This was back when I was about thirteen, back when I started smoking, and I was outside at night, having a smoke, and there was a shadow where there couldn't be a shadow. And me, being a stubborn bastard, I went and I stood in it. Just stood. And it was cold there. I mean, it was the middle of the summer and this one spot is just freakin' cold. Then it moved away and disappeared. And I want to know what the hell it was. This project hasn't answered that question, but it's making me think and that's something. Challenging.”
He gave a sudden laugh. "Most of what I do in class or even at work is boring—I'm always putting things off until the last minute and then pulling something out of the air the night before and everyone goes nuts about it and I know it's just some half-assed junk I whipped up. But this is not something I can fake. It's not just me. It's kind of cool making stuff happen. And, yeah, it's fun.”
"Same kind of fun?”
"Same kind of fun. . What do you mean?”
I noticed his habit of repeating phrases to buy himself time, of thinking and gauging his answers before he gave them. "I mean have you faked anything else since then?”
Ken chuckled. "I don't have to. Stuff happens by itself and it's a lot fu
"Do you think anyone else could be faking any of the things that have been happening?”
"I know they could, but I don't think they are. That's not the point.”
"What is the point?" His clever evasions and cold shield irritated me. I was reminded of the abusive boyfriend I'd run away from in college. He had also been charming and attractive, slipping out of hard questions and dealing damage for them later while he seemed unscathed by anything I did. I tried to shove the feeling aside, but it pricked me as I watched Ken.
He toyed with his coffee mug and built his reply. "The point? The group, I guess. Power of the mind. Self-control. We're all working together, but we're still alone, still ourselves, controlling this thing we made." He paused and played with the mug, then drank from it before continuing. He lowered his eyebrows and shifted his gaze to the side, and his wall was solid and slick as glass. "Maybe I'm not so sure, after all. I need to think about it.”
"OK. What do you think about the rest of the group?”
"The rest of the group." There was a sudden flare of brightness around him before subsiding and he looked at me again with a smile lighting his eyes. "About half of 'em are dicks in one way or another. The rest are OK.”
"Who's OK?”
"Mark's all right. He's fu
I stopped him. "I'm not sure who's who yet, give me a clue.”
"OK. Mark's the guy with the long hair. Wayne—he's the old guy with the crewcut—sometimes he acts like he's still in the army, but he's a good guy. Cara's the blonde married to Dale Stahlqvist, very rich, beautiful. She" — his tone grew cold and bitter—"no… I take it back. I can find her attractive—I can want her—but I think she'd cut my throat and keep my scalp when she was done with me. Ana— Chinese woman—she's. . she's magic." He shrugged and looked down. His skin was too dusky to blush well. He peered back up at me from under his brow. "The rest—they're just there.”
"Just there?" I echoed.
He chuckled, catching on to me. "OK, they're dicks.”
"I've got one more question for you.”
"Fire away.”
"When did you start to take it more seriously?”
"I'm not sure. Maybe when I started talking to Ana.”
"And why'd you do the portrait of Celia?”
"You said only one more question.”
I shrugged. "I lied. Why the portrait?”
He returned my shrug. "It's just what I do. It's one of my tricks— people get all impressed that I can use Illustrator and Photoshop—like it's hard. I'm not even that good at it. But I get an obsession and then I want to do something about it. So I do. I wanted to know what Celia looked like. I couldn't think of her as real until I knew and I had to know, had to dig in. So I painted her." He glowered and seemed both more human and more dangerous, exposed in sudden, bright red ire. "She didn't even like the damned picture. I had to work it over for days. Man! You know how hard it is to draw a person when you can't even see them? It's not like there's even a photo of her to work from. We had to do this sort of Twenty Questions thing to get it right. I wanted to smash something before we were done. It was frustrating.”
"Do you think of Celia as a real person?”
He blinked at me, his Grey shutters sliding back into place. "A real person? No. A real personality, yes." He frowned and sucked in his lower lip. "Does it matter?”
I shrugged. "I don't know. What does Tuckman say?”
"Huh. He'd probably say the reality of the personality is the only thing that matters.”
We both sat back and I watched the glassy emptiness around him. I wondered just what the hell he was trying to hide. He wasn't very good at keeping his shield in place and I couldn't tell if he did it on purpose or not. When it faltered, something bright and passionate showed through, but he always hid it again. Some vulnerability, in spite of the tough-guy pose? Or something else?
My silence made him uncomfortable. Ken looked at his watch. "Wow. I have to get going.”
"Thanks for talking with me.”
"Hey, it was a pleasure. Seriously.”
"Can I call you if I think of anything else?”
"Sure. No problem. Gotta go.”
I watched him grab his bag and stride out. I wasn't sure if I'd learned much from Ken except that he was hiding something I wanted to discover. He'd answered my questions—not saying he'd been a theater major before switching to art. His obsession about Celia's portrait seemed a bit unusual and I knew I'd missed something through my own a