Twenties Girl

And then the solution hits me, with total clarity. I lean over toward Sadie with urgency.

“Go and ask him.”

“Ask him what?” She makes a face.

“Where it went wrong! Ask Josh what was wrong with me! Get him to speak out loud, the way you did with Ed Harrison. Then I’ll know!”

“I can’t do that!” she objects at once.

“Yes, you can! Get inside his head! Make him talk! This is the only way I can get to him-” I break off as a waitress approaches the table, her notepad out. “Oh, hi. I’d love some… um… soup. Thanks.”

As the waitress moves off, I gaze entreatingly at Sadie. “Please. I’ve come all this way. I’ve made all this effort.”

There’s a moment’s silence-then Sadie rolls her eyes. “Very well.”

She disappears, then a moment later reappears right by Josh’s table. I watch, my heart galloping. I push my earpiece more firmly into my ear, ignoring the buzz, and listen to Marie’s rippling laugh as she tells some story about horse riding. She’s got a faint Irish brogue, which I didn’t notice before. As I glance over, I see Josh topping up her glass of wine.

“Your childhood sounds amazing,” he’s saying. “You have to tell me more.”

“What do you want to know?” She breaks off a piece of bread. But doesn’t put it in her mouth, I notice.

“Everything.” He smiles.

“Could take a while.”

“I’m in no hurry.” Josh’s voice has deepened a smidgen. I’m watching in horror. They’ve got that whole eyes-meeting frissony thing going on. Any minute he’ll take her hand, or even worse. What’s Sadie waiting for?

“Well, I was born in Dublin.” She smiles. “Third of three.”

“Why did you break up with Lara?” Sadie’s voice is so piercing through my earpiece, I nearly jump out of my chair.

Josh has heard her, I can tell. His hand has stopped halfway through pouring out fizzy water.

“My two brothers tormented me, all through my childhood.” Marie is still speaking, obviously unaware of anything. “They were so evil…”

“Why did you break up with Lara? What went wrong? Talk to Marie about it! Talk, Josh!”

“… found frogs in my bed, in my satchel… once even in my cereal bowl!” Marie looks up at Josh, clearly expecting him to respond. But he’s frozen like a statue, as Sadie yells in his ear, “Say it, say it, say it!”

“Josh?” Marie waves her hand in front of his face. “Did you hear a word I said?”

“Sorry!” He rubs his face. “I don’t know what happened there. What were you saying?”

“Oh… nothing.” She shrugs. “Just telling you about my brothers.”

“Your brothers! Right!” With an obvious effort, he refocuses on her and smiles charmingly. “So, are they very protective of their little sister?”

“You’d better watch out!” She smiles back and takes a sip of wine. “How about you, any siblings?”

“Say why you split up with Lara! What was wrong with her?”

I can see Josh glaze over again. He looks as though he’s trying to catch the distant echo of a nightingale across the valleys.

“Josh?” Marie leans forward. “Josh!”

“Sorry!” He comes to and shakes his head. “Sorry! It’s weird. I was just thinking about my ex, Lara.”

“Oh.” Marie keeps smiling, exactly the same amount of smile, but I can see the muscles tense up a little in her jaw. “What about her?”

“I don’t know.” Josh screws up his face, looking perplexed. “I was just thinking what it was about her and me that went wrong.”

“Relationships end.” Marie sips her water. “Who knows why? These things happen.”

“Yes.” Josh still has a faraway look in his eyes, which isn’t surprising, as Sadie is yelling like a siren in his ear. “Say why it went wrong! Say it out loud!”

“So.” Marie changes the subject. “How was your week? I’ve had a hellish time with that client. Remember the one I was telling you about-”

“I suppose she was a bit intense,” Josh blurts out.

“Who was?”

“Lara.”

“Oh, really?” I can see Marie trying to feign interest.

“She used to read me out ‘relationship issues’ from some bullshit magazine and want to talk about how similar we were to some other random couple. For hours. That a

He gulps at his wine and I stare at him across the restaurant, stricken. I never knew he felt that way.

“That does sound a

“What else?” Sadie is shrieking at Josh, drowning out Marie. “What else?”

“She used to litter the bathroom with her creams and crap.” Josh frowns distantly at the memory. “Every time I tried to shave I had to fight through this thicket of pots. It drove me mad.”

“What a pain!” says Marie, overbrightly. “Anyway-”

“It was the little things. Like the way she used to sing in the shower. I mean, I don’t mind singing, but the same song every bloody day? And she didn’t want to open her mind. She’s not interested in traveling, not interested in the same things as me… Like, I once bought her this book of William Eggleston photography; I thought we could talk about it or whatever. But she just flipped through with zero interest-” Josh suddenly notices Marie, whose face has almost seized up with the effort of listening politely. “Shit. Marie. I’m sorry!” He rubs his face with both hands. “I don’t know why Lara keeps popping into my head. Let’s talk about something else.”

“Yes, let’s do that.” Marie smiles stiffly. “I was going to tell you about my client, the really demanding one from Seattle? You remember?”

“Of course I remember!” He reaches for his wine-then seems to change his mind and picks up his glass of fizzy water instead.

“Soup? Excuse me, miss, didn’t you order the soup? Excuse me?”

Suddenly I realize a waiter is standing by my table with a tray of soup and bread. I have no idea how long he’s been trying to get my attention.

“Oh, right,” I say, quickly turning to him. “Yes, thanks.”

The waiter deposits my food and I pick up a spoon, but I can’t eat. I’m too flabbergasted by everything Josh just said. How could he have felt all this and never mentioned it? If he was a

“Well!” Sadie bounces up to me and slides into the seat opposite. “That was interesting. Now you know where it all went wrong. I agree about the singing,” she adds. “You are rather tuneless.”

Doesn’t she have an ounce of sympathy?

“Well, thanks.” I keep my voice low and gaze morosely into my soup. “You know the worst thing? He never said any of this stuff to my face. None of it! I could have fixed it! I would have fixed it.” I start crumbling a piece of bread into pieces. “If he’d just given me a chance-”

“Shall we go now?” She sounds bored.

“No! We haven’t finished!” I take a deep breath. “Go and ask him what he liked about me.”

“What he liked about you?” Sadie gives me a dubious look. “Are you sure there was anything?”

“Yes!” I hiss indignantly. “Of course there was! Go on!”

Sadie opens her mouth as though to speak-then shrugs and heads back across the restaurant. I push my earpiece in more firmly and dart a glance over at Josh. He’s sipping his wine and skewering olives with a metal pick while Marie talks.

“… three years is a long time.” I hear her lilting voice over the buzz and crackle. “And, yes, it was hard to finish, but he wasn’t right, and I’ve never regretted it or looked back. I guess what I’m trying to say is… relationships end, but you have to move forward.” She gulps her wine. “You know what I mean?”

Josh is nodding automatically, but I can tell he isn’t hearing a word. He has a bemused look on his face and keeps trying to edge his head away from Sadie, who’s yelling, “What did you love about Lara? Say it! Say it!”