Fault Line

4 WAITING ROOM DOORS

Alex's mobile phone buzzed. He checked the display-Alisa-and opened it.

“You find him?” he asked.

“No. I'm in front of his apartment, though, and there are police cars everywhere. There are a lot of people standing around. They're saying someone was murdered.”

Alex felt an odd numbness take hold behind his ears. He could hear a faint buzzing, like the sound of a fluorescent light. “Oh, shit. Is it-”

“I don't know. I tried talking to one of the officers, but he'd only say it's a crime scene, which anyway I can tell because there's orange tape all around the building. But they're not letting anyone inside and I can't see anything from where I'm standing.”

“Who's saying someone was murdered?”

“Some of the people standing around watching. Maybe they're wrong, though. Maybe it's just a rumor.”

The numbness was spreading now. His breathing seemed very loud.

He wanted to drive down there himself, but knew that was irrational. It wasn't likely he could see or learn anything Alisa couldn't. And what if this whole thing were a gigantic coincidence? What if Hilzoy called or showed up right now-Sorry, caught a flat, and can you believe it, right in a dead zone where I had no cell reception! Of all the crappy luck-and Alex wasn't here? He would have turned a potential no-harm, no-foul situation into a catastrophe, all through his own bad judgment.

No, he couldn't let that happen.

He took a deep breath and slowly forced it out. Concentrating on his breathing settled him, a little.

“Stay there,” he said. “See if you can learn anything else, and call me right away if you do.”

He clicked off and checked his watch. Twenty minutes. In his M3, with the right luck on traffic lights and traffic cops, Alex could get to Kleiner's offices at the top of Sand Hill Road in six minutes. So fourteen minutes before he had to pull the plug. He'd still look stupid, canceling at the last minute, but better than not showing up at all. Would he ever be able to get another meeting with these guys after screwing up the first? Probably not, at least not without using Osborne's or some other partner's co

Damn. Damn. Damn.

His office felt suddenly confining. He needed to move, to think. He walked out into the corridor, where he could increase the ambit of his pacing. He turned the corner, and-

There was Sarah, heading in his direction. Shit.

He didn't want to talk to her right then, didn't want to have to explain. He hadn't invited her to the meeting. She was too outspoken at times, and while he respected her gumption in private, he didn't trust her to know her place in front of a roomful of VCs. Hilzoy was his show, and he didn't want anyone else in the limelight.

Anyway, even if Sarah were as prim and proper as a first-year should be, she was still bound to be a distraction. Everyone would get one look at her lustrous black hair, caramel skin, and ripe lips and wonder why Alex had brought her to the meeting. Were they involved? Was he hoping for something?

Well, yeah, of course he was hoping for something. And it wasn't just that she was gorgeous. Part of what made him crazy was that she did nothing to flaunt it. She used hardly any makeup, kept her hair tied back, and favored skirts hemmed below the knee. But Alex saw her several evenings a week in the firm's gym, where she typically wore some kind of yoga outfit, and her body was so lusciously long and curvy that Alex had to look away for fear his own body would betray his thoughts. Sometimes, late at night, in the bedroom of the house he had inherited from his parents and lived in still, he would close his eyes and take himself in hand and imagine himself with her, imagine what he wanted her to do, how she would do it, and even more than her beauty it was the existence of those fantasies, and the way their presence in his mind would linger into the next day, that made him awkward with her, made him err in the direction of feigned disinterest and even disdain lest she suspect his secret.

But she didn't seem the least bit interested. And even if she were, what would people say if a senior associate, someone who God willing would be up for partner soon, were dating a first-year ten years his junior? And what would happen if he made partner? What would he do then? A partner couldn't be involved with an associate, at least not publicly. There were trysts at Sullivan, Greenwald, of course, enough to keep the rumor mill spi

“Alex,” she said, a little surprise in her voice. “Where's Hilzoy? I thought you would have-”

“He's not here. I… I don't think he's coming.”

“What about the meeting?”

She seemed genuinely concerned, not at all resentful that he'd excluded her. He felt a pang of gratitude, and of guilt. He wanted to say something, something real, but…

“Alex?” she said.

He looked at her and wondered whether he'd been blushing. He was about to excuse himself, but realized that would seem weird. Maybe he should just bring her up to speed on Hilzoy.

“Can you help me kill twelve minutes?” he said.

They went back to his office and closed the door. He told her what had happened, how Alisa was at Hilzoy's apartment now.

“Oh my God,” she said. “You think he's, you think-”

“I don't know what to think. But I have a bad feeling.”

His words surprised him. He never talked about his feelings-or anything else the least bit private-with anyone in the office, and especially not with Sarah. Well, he was under stress right now. This thing with Hilzoy-Oh no. Oh please God no-it was just bringing up some bad memories, that was all.

They talked more. Something about Sarah, some wellspring of empathy in her brown eyes, made him feel better. There was something so… comforting, when someone could look at you like that, when someone made you feel she understood you completely and was completely on your side. He sensed she would know what it was like to stare for hours at the swinging waiting room doors, desperate for news and at the same time terrified of what the news might be.

He cleared his throat and glanced at his watch. The meeting started in five minutes. Hilzoy could show right now and it would still be too late.

But Hilzoy wasn't going to show. Not today, not ever. Alex could feel it, a sad, sickening weight in the pit of his stomach. He knew the feeling. He remembered it.

“I better call the VCs,” he said.