The Analyst

He stepped over and picked up the envelope. His name was typed on the outside.

“How unusual,” he said out loud. He hesitated before opening the letter, holding it up to his forehead the way Joh

He tore open the envelope and withdrew two sheets of paper filled with typing. He read only the first line:

Happy 53rd birthday, doctor. Welcome to the first day of your death.

He breathed in sharply. The stale air of the apartment seemed to make him dizzy, and he reached out quickly for the wall, to steady himself.

Dr. Frederick Starks, a man in the profession of introspection, lived alone, haunted by other people’s memories.

He walked over to his small, antique maple desk, a gift fifteen years earlier from his wife. It had been three years since she passed away, and when he sat down at the desk it seemed he could still hear her voice. He spread the two sheets of the letter out in front of him on the blotter. He thought to himself that it had been a decade since he’d actually been afraid of something, and what he’d been afraid of then was the diagnosis delivered by the oncologist to his wife. Now, this new dry, acid taste on his tongue was as unwelcome as the acceleration of his heart, which he could feel racing in his chest.

He took a second or two to try to calm the rapid beating, waiting patiently until he could feel the rate settle slowly. He was acutely aware of his loneliness at that moment, hating the vulnerability that solitude created within him.

Ricky Starks-he rarely let anyone know how much he greatly preferred the playground and frat house sound of the informal abbreviation to the more sonorous Frederick-was a man of necessary routine and order. He was devoted to a regularity that bordered on religion and certainly touched obsession; by imposing so much reason on his own day-to-day life, he thought it was the only safe way to try to make sense of the turmoil and chaos that his patients brought to him daily. He was a slight man physically, an inch or two short of six feet, with a thin, ascetic body helped by a daily lunchtime course of brisk walking exercise and a steadfast refusal to indulge in the sweets and ice creams that he secretly adored.

He wore glasses, which wasn’t unusual for a man his age, though he took pride in the detail that his prescription still was minimal. He took pride, as well, that although thi

I exist somewhere in your past.You ruined my life. You may not know how, or why,or even when, but you did. Brought disaster and sadness tomy every second. You ruined my life. And now I fully intend to ruin yours.

Ricky Starks breathed in hard again. He lived in a world common with false threats and fake promises, but knew immediately that the words in front of him were far different from those meandering rantings he was accustomed to hearing daily.

At first, I thought I should simply kill you to settle the score.Then I realized that was simply too easy. Youare a pathetically facile target, doctor. You do not lockyour doors during the day. You take the same walk onthe same route Monday through Friday. On weekends, you remainwondrously predictable, right down to the trip out onSunday morning to pick up the Times, an onion bagel, anda hazelnut coffee, two sugars, no milk, at the trendycoffee bar two blocks to your south.Far too easy. Stalking and killing you wouldn’t havebeen much of a challenge. And, given the ease with whichthis murder could be accomplished, I wasn’t certain thatit would deliver the necessary satisfaction.I’ve decided I would prefer you to kill yourself.

Ricky Starks shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He could feel heat rippling up from the words in front of him, like fire catching in a woodstove, caressing his forehead and cheeks. His lips were dry, and he fruitlessly ran his tongue over them.

Kill yourself, doctor.Jump from a bridge. Blow your brains out with a handgun.Step in front of a midtown bus. Leap in front of a subwaytrain. Turn on the gas stove and blow out the pilot light. Finda convenient beam and hang yourself. The method you chooseis entirely up to you.But it is your best chance.Your suicide will be far more appropriate, given theprecise circumstances of our relationship. And certainlya far more satisfying method for you to pay off your debt to me.So, here is the game we are going to play: You have exactlyfifteen days, starting tomorrow morning at six a.m., to discover whoI am. If you succeed, you must purchase one of those tinyone-column ads that run along the bottom of the daily New York Times front page, and print my name there. That’s all: Just printmy name.If you do not, then… well, this is the fun part. You willtake note that the second sheet of this letter contains the namesof fifty-two of your relatives. They range in age from a newborn,barely six months old, the child of your great-grand-niece, to your cousin the Wall Street investor, and capitalist extraordinaire, who isas dried-up and dull as you. If you are unable to purchase the adas described, then you have this choice: Kill yourself immediately or Iwill destroy one of these i