An Unofficial rose

Pe

Her face was quite transformed. The nervous excited look had gone and it was as if a white light from within had composed her countenance into an indistinct yet authoritative form. So it might be to see an angel. She glowed upon him, her head poised above him, and a warm bright ray fell upon him and held him breathless. With astonishment and abject gratitude he realized that he had not displeased her.

'Ah, you fool, said Miranda. Her voice was deep now. She leaned back against the door, regarding him with a sort of gentle triumph, and he felt as if she were, for the first time, really seeing him.

'I'm sorry, he said, rubbing his hand and stretching out his legs as he leaned back against the bed. The sharpness of desire had gone, or had spread rather into a haze of enslaved delight, a luminous Atmosphere in which he floated, held and guided in the beam of Miranda's gaze.

'You surprised me, she said. 'But I like to be surprised.

'I'm afraid it wasn't a pleasant surprise, said Pe

'Did I hurt you much? The sheer rich satisfaction of her tone, so unlike her old petulant teasing, nearly brought him again to the floor.

He said humbly, 'No. Anyway I deserved to be hurt.

'You deserved it, yes. But let me see.

He advanced to her, and his body as he came felt limp and broken as if his flesh were beaten into rags. He lifted his hand before her as if presenting it for a severance. She took it at the wrist and held it, examining it. Then she took a handkerchief from her pocket and with her other hand clasped it gently over his knuckles. Pe

'Pe

But all was changed again. She was looking over his shoulder at something with fascination, with twisted anxiety, almost with fear. As Pe

Pe

Miranda took it. 'But that's Steve's dagger. His special dagger. The one that Felix Meecham gave him.

'Yes. I brought it to you. I hope you don't mind.

'But where did you get it? Why did you have it? She moved away from the door, putting the table between them, glaring at him and clasping the dagger to her breast. Its bright point pierced the blue woollen stuff of the dressing-gown.

'I found it in Steve's room. I'm sorry. I hope you don't mind. I brought it —

'Oh, shut up! said Miranda. She gave a little cry and her face grew suddenly red and her eyes filled with tears. She stamped her foot and gave a wailing cry. 'Go away! Get out of here!

'I'm terribly sorry, said Pe

'You stupid, horrible fool, said Miranda, and the tears were coming so fast now she could hardly speak, 'I hate you. I'd like to kill you. Putting your horrible hands on me. Stupid Australian fool. Everyone knows you're stupid, with your beastly common accent. Nobody likes you here, they just put up with you because they have to. You're boring and ugly and stupid and we all want you to go away. Go back to beastly boring Australia. Go back to your low common father and your vulgar home. Go away. Get out of my room. Steve would have killed you with one hand. Go away, you horrible thing, go away, go away! Her voice rose and she drew the dagger back in her hand as if she would have flown at him.

Pe

He leaned back against the door panting. Pain and fear made his breath come in long shrieking gasps for several minutes. He felt ready to be overwhelmed by a storm of hysteria. He braced himself back against the door, digging in his heels, trying to quiet himself The room heaved before him.

A little while later his breathing became less violent and his body went limp and he sank on to the bed. He looked about. All was quiet, orderly, waiting for him. All was as it had been — how long ago? — before he went to see Miranda. The Swedish knife, the veteran car book, his battered copy of Such is Life, said to him: hello. But it was like the voices of thoughtless children to a ruined man. Between imagined violence and real violence there is a dimension of difference. Some i

He looked dully at his hand. It was aching and some blood was congealed on the knuckles. His dressing-gown was covered with little bits of coloured glass. As he shook it out he touched something under the bed. He turned to look and saw that it was Steve's box of soldiers. He stared at it and then pulled it close to him. After a moment he opened it and looked at the red and blue jumble of i

Chapter Thirty

'BE nicer to poor Pe

Pe

The uncurtained window was wide open to the hot summer night. Miranda had been unwell for two days and had retired to her room. The doctor said there was nothing wrong with her, but A

'Why ever not? said A

'He won't come back, said Miranda. 'He'll stay in London till the last moment and then ask you to send his things.

'But he said he'd come back. He must come back to say a proper good-bye.

Miranda shrugged her shoulders. 'He's a rude boy, she said. 'What can you expect, considering what his father is?

'Miranda!

A