An Unofficial rose

Emma watched him with some amusement. 'If you want me to chastise you because you gave Randall a dowry, you'll be disappointed. It was a beautiful idea. I wish I had thought of it myself. Have you any spare cigarettes, by the way? I seem to be ru

'I didn't exactly do it for Randall, said Hugh. He kept his eyes upon her pointed face which was veiled with fugitive lights of frivolity and humour.

'Ah, but you loved it, said Emma. 'Confess you loved it. What a wild reckless streak you have in your nature after all! And a light please, if you don't mind.

'You know I did it for you.

'Sweet of you to say so. I'm flattered of course. So bad for my character. But all our characters seem to have taken quite a beating lately, don't they? I think I'll have a little more whisky. This malt stuff is rather good. I much prefer an unblended whisky, don't you?

'Listen,’ said Hugh, sitting down beside her. He did not want his passionate intention, his entreaty, to be lost in her badinage. He did not want to be cheated of his scene. 'I am a selfish man and when I say I did it for you I mean I did it for myself. Be sincere with me, Emma, and don't mock me. Is it not a miracle that we are together again, and if it is a miracle is it not a destiny? Do not make my words seem foolish. You know they are truthful. I love you and I need you and you belong to me in the end.

'Good heavens, are you proposing to me? said Emma with a little shriek. 'I haven't had a proposal in twenty years!

'Stop it! He seized one of her hands.

'But wait — are you proposing? said Emma, her eyes humorous and intent.

He let go of her. 'I hadn't got as far as that.

They were silent for a moment and then both burst out laughing. I must say, I do rather love you, Hugh: There is something sublime about you. But I don't know if anything follows. Perhaps there is nothing but this.

'But — what?

'Well, just this; this understanding, this talk, this laughter, perhaps just this moment.

'If there is this much there must be more, said Hugh. 'When I said I hadn't got as far as proposing I didn't mean the proposal came later in the speech, but just that we couldn't yet know what we wanted exactly.

'Well, what do you want, roughly?

'Roughly, everything.

She laughed again. 'That is a lot, Hugh. Or is it? Aren't we perhaps dried up now, all hollow inside like shrivelled gourds, dry and rattling? Belonging to each other «in the end» is a rather metaphorical sort of belonging. The trouble is: it is the end already.

'No, no, no! He could not help being elated by the directness of their exchanges and by his sense of the continuity of the old love with the new. It was the same love, the same girl.

'Ah, you're pleased with yourself, really!

'Emma, he said, 'just don't say no to this in your heart. And let our good fates do the rest.

'My dear, I don't say anything in my heart. I'm a perfect phenomenalist. Or if anything is said it is something like «whisky» or «teatime». Can I have another of those horrible cigarettes?

'You know perfectly well we aren't old. People don't grow old.

Old age in that sense is an illusion of the young.

'I am old, said Emma. 'Or rather I lack an attribute of youth which you have got: a sense of the future, a sense of time. I am just a bundle of perceptions, most of them unpleasant. As for other people, either they're with me or they don't exist.

'Well, let me be with you!

'Oh, you're so tiring, Hugh', she said, looking at her watch. 'You must go out and get me some Gauloises before the shops shut.

'Don't be so complicated about it: he said. He was holding his breath, fearing now to press her too much in case she should say some words of rejection. 'You are lonely with Lindsay gone. Let me look after you a little. I'm sorry if I went too far today. Let us be simple and slow.

'Simple and slow', she murmured. 'How adorable you are. I'm really quite fond of you.

'You said a little while ago you loved me. Fondness is less.

'I have told you I am not a continuous being. My words ca

'But you'll let me come again?

'Perhaps.

'We'll see what happens, shall we?

She gave a deep sigh and turned upon him her dark luminous eyes of a nocturnal animal. 'We'll see that in any case.

Chapter Twenty-four

'WELL, old thing, he's gone, said Mildred t? Felix. 'Now to work!

Felix had been camping uneasily at Seton Blaise, waiting, as Mildred put it, for the balloon to go up. That it had gone up Mildred discovered from Clare Swa

Mildred at once summoned Felix. 'Quick, she said. 'Get out the Merc. We're off to Grayhallock.

Felix hesitated. 'Is it quite proper, he said, 'to go over at once? I mean, won't it look bad? Won't we be just a nuisance? —’I despair of you, said Mildred. 'You should be wearing a smock and chewing a straw. That's your uniform.

'I don't want to intrude on a grief that I can't altogether either sympathize with or understand, said Felix stiffiy.

All the same, five minutes later the Mercedes was at the door.

The scene at Grayhallock resembled a curious sort of fate. Work in the nursery had been suspended. Bowshott and one of the men were conversing on the gravel outside, and Nancy Bowshott and Clare Swa

Felix still felt that there was something highly improper in his presence there so soon after news of what must be felt as a bereavement. But his appetite to see A

Clare Swa

She fastened on to Mildred. Felix averted his eyes from their gay vivid faces. Now Clare was drawing Mildred confidentially aside. 'My dear, I must ask your advice. It's so hard to know what will cause offence.

Nancy had joined her husband outside, and Helix was left standing uneasily in the middle of the hall. The hall at Grayhallock was a cheerless place at the best, like the entrance to a seaside boarding-house: One expected to find notices saying what time breakfast was. Felix wondered if he should sit down somewhere; but it seemed so meaningless to sit down. He did not know whether to go to the kitchen or not. He was in a physical agony at the nearness of A

The boy Pe