Succubus Blues

 I hurriedly stood up, suddenly not wanting to be there any longer. "Yeah. Okay." I moved toward the door, suddenly pausing to look back at him. "Seth?"

 "Yeah?"

 "Do you understand? Why I do what I do? Why we can't—why we have to—" I couldn't finish the thought. "It's impossible. I wish it were different..."

 "Yeah," he said quietly.

 Turning, I fled his condo for my car. When I got into it, I buried my face into the steering wheel, sobbing uncontrollably. After a few minutes, gentle arms wrapped around me, and I turned toward Carter, crying into his chest. I'd heard reports of people who had angelic encounters, witnesses talking about the peace and beauty experienced by such moments. I'd never given any of it much thought, but as minutes passed, the terrible pain in my chest abated, and I grew calmer, finally lifting my head up to look at the angel.

 "He hates me," I choked out. "Seth hates me now."

 "Why do you say that?"

 "After everything I just told him..."

 "I suspect he's troubled and confused, yes, but I don't think he hates you. Love like that doesn't turn to hate quite so easily, though I'll admit the two intertwine sometimes."

 I sniffled. "Did you feel it? His love?"

 "Not like you did. I sensed it, though."

 "I've never felt anything like it. I can't match that. I like him... like him so much. Maybe I even love him too, but not in the same way he loves me. I'm not worthy of that love."

 Carter made a soft, chastising click. "No one is beyond being loved."

 "Not even someone who just agreed to spend the next century hurting humans, corrupting souls, and leading them to temptation and despair? You must hate me for that. Even I hate me for that."

 The angel watched me, expression steady and calm. "Why did you agree then?"

 I leaned my head back against the seat. "Because I couldn't stand the thought of me... of that love being wiped out of his head... of not being remembered."

 "Ironic, huh?"

 I turned toward him, hardly surprised at anything anymore. "How much do you know about me?"

 "Enough. I know what you got for becoming a succubus."

 "I thought it was the right thing then..." I murmured, my mind's eye turning to a faraway time and place, another man. "He was so sad and so angry at me... he couldn't go on, knowing what I'd done. I just wanted to be blotted from his mind forever. I thought it would be better if he—if everyone—forgot about me. Forgot I'd ever existed."

 "And now you don't agree?"

 I shook my head. "I saw him... years later, when he was an old man. I shape-shifted to the form he'd known me in— that was the last time I've worn that face, actually—and approached him. He looked right past me, though. Didn't know me at all. The time we'd had together. The love he'd had for me. All gone. Gone forever. It killed me. I felt like one of the walking dead after that.

 "I couldn't let that happen. Not again. Not with Seth, after experiencing what he felt for me. Even if that love is ruined... marred by what he thinks of me now. Even if he never speaks to me again. It's still better than that love never having existed at all."

 "Love is rarely flawless," Carter pointed out. "Humans delude themselves by thinking it has to be. It is the imperfection that makes love perfect."

 "No riddles, please," I told him, suddenly feeling tired. "I just lost the one person I might have loved again after all these years. Really, truly loved too. Not just pure excitement either, like with Roman. Seth... Seth had it all. Passion. Commitment. Friendship.

 "Not only that, but I've agreed to go on 'active duty' again as a succubus." I closed my eyes, swallowing the bile in my throat. I thought of all the nice guys in the world, men like Doug and Bruce. I did not want to be their downfall. "I really do hate it, Carter. You have no idea how much I hate it, no idea how much I don't want to do this anymore. But it's worth it. Worth it if Seth can keep his memories."

 I looked over at the angel uncertainly. "He can, can't he?" Carter nodded, and I exhaled with relief. "Good. At least there's one spot of hope in all of this."

 "Of course there is. There's always hope."

 "Not for me."

 "There's always hope," he repeated more firmly, a commanding note in his voice that startled me. "No one is beyond hope."

 I could feel tears coming to my eyes again. Lord. I seemed to be crying all the time lately. "What about a succubus?"

 "Especially a succubus."

 He put his arms around me again, and I gave way to my sobs once more, a damned soul taking momentary respite in the embrace of a heavenly creature. I wondered if what he said was true, if it was possible that there was still hope for me, but then I remembered something that made me half laugh and half choke all at once. Angels never lied.

 EPILOGUE

 "Casey's out sick," Paige told me briskly, putting on her coat. "So you'll probably have to cover for her on the registers."

 "It's no problem." I leaned against her office wall. "Keeps things interesting, you know?"

 Pausing, she gave me a brief smile. "I really appreciate you coming in like this—on such short notice." She patted her stomach absentmindedly. "I'm sure it's nothing, but I've had this pain all day—"

 "No, it's fine. Go. You have to take care of yourself. You have to take care of both of you."

 She smiled at me again, picking up her purse and walking to the door. "Doug's skulking around here somewhere if you need help, so make him do it. Hmm... there was one other thing I needed to tell you... Oh yeah—there's something for you in your office. I left it on your chair."

 Butterflies shot through my stomach at her words. "W-what is it?"

 "You'll have to see. I've got to go."

 I followed Paige out of her office and turned uncertainly into my own. The last thing left on my chair had been an envelope from Roman, one more piece in his twisted game of love and hate. Oh God, I thought. I knew it wouldn't be as easy as Carter had said. Roman's back, starting it all up again, waiting for me to —

 I stared, swallowing a gasp. The Glasgow Pact sat on my chair.

 Gingerly, I picked up the book, handling it like fine china. It was my copy, the one I had given Seth to sign over a month ago. I'd forgotten all about it. Opening up the inside cover, I saw lavender rose petals fall out. There were only a handful of them, but they were more precious to me than any of the bouquets I'd received this month. Trying to catch them, I read:

 To Thetis,

 Long overdue, I know, but very often the things we most desire come only after much patience and struggle. That is a human truth, I think. Even Peleus knew that. —Seth

 "He's back, you know."

 "Huh?" I looked up from the baffling inscription to see Doug leaning against the doorframe.

 He nodded toward my book. "Mortensen. He's up in the cafe again, typing away as usual."

 I closed the book, holding it tightly with both hands. "Doug... are you up on your Greek mythology?"

 He snorted. "Don't insult me, Kincaid."

 " Thetisand Peleus... they were Achilles' parents, right?"

 "Indeed they were," he told me, smug with the confidence of his area of expertise.

 For my part, I was simply puzzled. I didn't really get the inscription or understand why Seth would reference the Trojan War's greatest warrior.

 "Do you know the rest?" Doug asked me expectantly.

 "What? That Achilles was a dysfunctional psychopath? Yeah, I know that."

 "Well, yeah, everyone knows that. I mean the really cool part. About Thetis and Peleus." I shook my head, and he continued, professor-like, " Thetiswas a sea nymph, and Peleus was a mortal who loved her. Only, when he went to woo her, she was a real bitch about it."