Succubus Blues

 "I don't even know her," I exclaimed, wondering which was worse: a nephilim in love with me or a nephilim holding a grudge.

 He just smiled. "I wouldn't be so sure of that." He reached out to touch me, almost casually, and I backed away, making his smile slip. "Now what's wrong?"

 "What do you mean? You think you can just dump this on me and then expect things to be all peachy between us?"

 "Well, why not? Honestly, what have you got left to worry about?" I opened my mouth to protest, but he continued before I could speak: "I've already told you, I'm not going to hurt you or any of your friends. The only person left on my list is someone you don't even know or care about. That's it. End of story."

 "Oh yeah? What'll happen then? After you kill Carter?"

 He shrugged. "Then I leave. I'll find someplace to hang out for a while. Probably teach again." He leaned toward me, holding my gaze. "You could come with me, you know."

 "What?"

 "Think about it." He spoke eagerly, excitement growing with each word. "You and me. You could settle down and do all the things you like to do—your books, your dancing— without any immortal politics to muck your life up."

 I scoffed. "Hardly. It's not like I can stop being a succubus. I still need sex to survive."

 "Yes, yes, I know you'd still have to tag the occasional victim, but think about the times in between. You and me. Together. Being with someone you don't have to worry about hurting. Being with someone simply for the pleasure of it, not for survival. No superiors to harass you about meeting your quotas."

 Seth came to mind just then, part of me idly wondering what it'd be like to be with him "just for pleasure."

 Shifting back to my harsh reality, I told Roman, "I can't just run off. Seattle is my post. I have people to answer to; they wouldn't let me leave."

 Cupping my face in his hands, he whispered, "Georgina, Georgina. I can protect you from them. I have the power to hide you. You can live your own life. No more answering to the bureaucracy above. We can be free."

 Those hypnotic eyes hooked me like a fish on a line. For centuries, I had lived out immortality achingly alone, bouncing from one short-term relationship to another, ending any co

 Longing surged up within me. I wanted it. Oh God, I wanted it. I didn't want to hear Jerome chastise me for my "all lowlifes, all the time" seduction policy. I wanted to come home and tell someone about my day. I wanted to go out dancing on the weekends. I wanted to take vacations together. I wanted someone to hold me when I was upset, when the ups and downs of the world pushed me too far.

 I wanted someone to love.

 His words blazed through me, piercing my heart. I knew, however, they were only that: words. Eternity is a long time; we couldn't hide forever. Eventually we'd be found, or when Roman finally got destroyed on one of his "protest" missions, I'd be exposed and have a lot of angry demons to answer to. He was offering me a child's dream, an impractical fantasy with a short-lived, doomed run.

 Furthermore, ru

 Yet, I still could not see that as sufficient reason for the random killing of immortals, simply to "prove a point." The fact that I knew these immortals personally made it worse. Carter's attitude still u

 Too bad that didn't seem to be enough to dissuade the nephilim. I wondered if I could.

 "No," I told him. "I can't do it. And you don't have to do it either."

 "Do what?"

 "This plot. Killing Carter. Just let him go. Let it all go. Violence only begets more violence, not peace."

 "I'm sorry, love. I can't. There's no peace for my kind."

 I reached out and touched his face. "You call me that, but do you really mean it? Do you love me?"

 He caught his breath, and I suddenly realized he could be just as hypnotized by my eyes as I was by his. "Yes. I do."

 "Then do this for me if you love me. Walk away. Walk away from Seattle. I... I'll go with you if you do."

 I hadn't realized I'd meant it until the words escaped my lips. Ru

 "You mean it?"

 "Yes. As long as you can keep me safe."

 "I can keep you safe, but..."

 He stepped away from me and paced around, ru

 "I can't walk away," he finally told me. "Almost anything in the world I would do for you, but not this. You can't imagine what it's been like. You think immortality's been cruel to you? Imagine what it's like always ru

 "She can come with us..."

 He closed his eyes. "Georgina, when my mother was still alive—mille

 "Yes," I whispered. "I've seen them."

 "Then you know what they can do. They swept in and just destroyed everyone. It didn't matter who. Nephilim children. Humans. Everyone was considered a liability."

 "But you escaped?"

 "Yes. We were lucky. Most weren't." He turned back to look at me. His heartache made my eyes burn. "Do you see now? Do you see now why I have to do this?"

 "You only further the bloodshed."

 "I know, Georgina. For Christ's sake, I know. But I have no choice."

 I saw in his face then that he hated being a part of that bloodshed, part of the same destructive behavior that had haunted his childhood. But I also saw that he was inextricably tied to that. He could not escape it. He had lived too long, so much longer than me. The years of fear and anger and blood had twisted him. He had to see this game played out.

 Ifight every day to not let the past overtake me. Sometimes I win, sometimes it does.

 "I have no choice," he repeated, face desperate. "But you do. I still want you to come with me when I'm done."

 A choice. Yes, I did have a choice. A choice between him and Carter. Or did I? Was there anything I could do to save Carter at this point? Did I want to save Carter? For all I knew, Carter had slaughtered countless nephilim children over the years in the name of good. Maybe he deserved the punishment Roman wanted to mete out. What were good and evil, really, but stupid categories? Stupid categories that restricted people and punished or rewarded them based on how they responded to their own natures, natures they really didn't have any way to control.