One Foot in the Grave

My fists thumped on his back. It was all I was capable of doing to tell him to stop, since my mouth only seemed good for making little ecstatic noises. That’s when I realized I could stop him, if I really wanted to. My silver knife was still in my hand. I could feel the cold metal of it in my fingers.

Bones must have felt it, too. He pulled back for an instant, drops of my blood staining his mouth like rubies, and then slowly, deliberately, bent to my neck again. The subsequent long, deep suction weakened my knees and sent such a rapturous shudder through me that I found myself thinking if I were going to die, at least I’d die happy.

But I didn’t have to die. All I had to do was angle that blade and give it one good push to live. Bones wasn’t restraining my arms. They were loosely around his back while one of his hands tangled in my hair and the other supported me. The gray encompassing my vision became thicker, the noise in my ears was almost deafening. It was him or me, because it was clear he wasn’t going to stop.

My fingers gripped around the knife to thrust…and then relaxed. It slipped from my hand, which I used to press Bones closer instead. I can’t do it, was my last thought. Besides, there are far worse ways to die.

FIFTEEN

AWARENESS RETURNED A PIECE AT A TIME. First and foremost, I realized my heart was still beating. Okay, I’m not dead or changed into a vampire. Always a plus. Then I discovered I had a pillow under my head. More alertness revealed that I was stretched on my side covered by a blanket. The room was dark, drapes were shut. Arms encircled me from behind, nearly the color of my own.

That’s when I woke all the way up.

“Where are we?”

Who I was with wasn’t in question, even though my head still felt a little cottony.

“In the house I’m renting, in Richmond.”

“How long have I been out?” Silly details seemed important; why I didn’t know.

“Four hours, give or take. Long enough for you to steal all the covers. I’ve been listening to you snore and watching you cocoon into the bedspread, and I realized I’ve missed this the most. Holding you while you sleep.”

I sat up, my hand going at once to my throat. As expected, it was smooth. No punctures or bumps left to show what had happened. Bones had closed the holes with a drop of his blood, erasing any marks of what had happened.

“You bit me,” I said accusingly, but with a lot less anger than I intended. It was either the combination of the juice in his fangs or blood loss that made everything seem not as…stressful. And I should be stressed. Even though we were still both dressed, I was in a bed with Bones, and that wasn’t a good idea if I wanted to keep my emotional distance.

“Yes,” was all he said. He didn’t even bother to sit up, but stayed stretched out on the pillows.

“Why?”

“Many reasons. Do you want me to list them all?”

“Yeah.” An edge crept into my tone. He looked too damn unconcerned for my liking.

“Primarily to prove a point,” he said, finally sitting up. “You could have killed me. By rights, you should have killed me. You had a vampire sucking the lifeblood out of you and a silver knife in your hand. Only a fool wouldn’t have wielded that blade…or someone who cares far more than she’s admitting to.”

“You bastard, you bit me to test me?” I exclaimed, getting out of bed and then staggering at the sudden wave of dizziness. Looked like Bones had cleaned his plate. “Bet you’d have been pretty fucking sorry if I would have sliced up your heart. How could you be so stupid; you could have gotten killed!”

“And so could you,” he flared right back. “Frankly after years of wondering how you felt about me, it was worth risking my life to find out. Admit it, Kitten. You haven’t gotten over me any more than I’ve gotten over you, and all your denial, lies, or the moron you’re dating won’t change that.”

I had to look away. Hearing him say he hadn’t gotten over me was like a velvet-covered hammer to my heart. I barely even registered the insult to Noah.

“It doesn’t matter,” I said at last. “It can’t work between us, Bones. Nothing can change what you are, and I won’t change what I am.”

“Answer me this, Kitten. When it is just you and me, no one else, does it bother you that I’m not human? I know what the rest of them think-your mother, your work, your friends, but do you care that I’m a vampire?”

Actually, I hadn’t thought about it under those terms. There were always other things to consider. Stripped of that, however, there wasn’t any pause in my response.

“No. I don’t care.”

His eyes closed for a second. Then they opened with a blaze of intensity. “I know you left me because you thought you had to protect me, that I couldn’t handle the obstacles before us. So you tried to get on with your life because you believed it would never work between us. But you see, I couldn’t get on with my life because I knew we could work. I’ve been looking for you every day since you left me, Kitten, and I’m sick of being without you. You’ve had your shot at things, now let me have mine.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about trusting me, which is what you should have done over four years ago. I’m strong enough to handle whatever your job or your mum could throw at me. You still care about me, and I certainly haven’t given up on you. We can beat the odds against us, if you’d give us a chance to.”

Oh, if only. God, if only it were that simple!

“Even if you take out my job and my mother, we’re still doomed, Bones. You’re a vampire. I meant it when I said I didn’t care, but you will! What are you going to do when I grow old, just hand me some Ben-Gay for my arthritis? You’ll want me to change. You’ll resent me when I refuse, and it will destroy us.”

He stared at me without blinking.

“For the record: I will never force you to become a vampire. I won’t pressure you, coerce you, trick you, or guilt you. Is that clear enough?”

“So you’re fine with me getting wrinkled, gray, decrepit, and then dead?” I asked harshly. “Is that what you’re saying?”

Something that might have been pity flashed across his face.

“Kitten, sit down.”

“No.” A chill ran up my spine. Whatever it was, for him to look so compassionate all of a sudden, it must be bad. I’d take it on my feet. “You tell me. What don’t I know? Am I dying or something?” That would explain his lack of apprehension over my growing old.

Bones got up and stood in front of me. “Haven’t you ever wondered how long you would live? Ever truly pondered it?”

“No.” I laughed bitterly. “I thought I would get killed pretty quick with my job.”

“Think past that,” he went on. My heart began to pound. “You’re half vampire. You’ve never been sick, your body heals at an inhuman rate, and you can’t catch any of the diseases that afflict the living population. Even poisons or drugs need to be administered in massive doses before they affect you, so what makes you think you would only live to an average age?”

My mouth opened to argue, but then hung loosely. In a way, it felt similar to the night my mother told me what I was, because denial was my first response.

“You’re trying to trick me. I have a heartbeat, I breathe, get my period, shave my legs…I’m alive. I had a childhood!”

“You told me once your differences emerged most notably in puberty. Probably it was the hormonal surge, the same thing which can trigger congenital defects in humans that increased your nosferatu traits, and they’ve grown ever since. Your pulse and breathing only make you easier to kill, but you’re not human. You never have been. You just mimic them better than vampires do.”

“Liar!” I shouted.