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ARTICLE 56
A Bro is required to alert another Bro if the Bro/Chick Ratio at a party falls below 1:1. However, to avoid Broflation, a Bro is only allowed to alert one Bro. Further, a Bro may not speculate on the anticipated Bro/Chick Ratio of a party or venue without first disclosing the present-time observed ratio.
ARTICLE 57
A Bro never reveals the score of a sporting event to another Bro unless that Bro has thrice confirmed he wants to hear it.
ARTICLE 58
A Bro doesn't grow a mustache.
EXCEPTION: When shaving, it's more than okay for a Bro to keep the whiskers around his mouth until the end so that he might temporarily experiment with different facial hair configurations.
EXCEPTION: Tom Selleck.
ARTICLE 59
A Bro must always post bail for another Bro, unless it's out of state or, like, crazy expensive.
Crazy Expensive Bail > (Years You've Been Bros) x $100
ARTICLE 60
A Bro shall honor thy father and mother, for they were once Bro and chick. However, a Bro never thinks of them in that capacity.
ARTICLE 61
If a Bro, for whatever reason, becomes aware of another Bro's a
Chicks seem to think a
ARTICLE 62
In the event that two Bros lock on to the same target, the Bro who calls dibs first has dibs. If both call dibs at the same time, the Bro who counts aloud to ten the fastest has dibs. If both arrive at the number ten at the same time, the Bro who bought the last round of drinks has dibs. If they haven't purchased drinks yet, the taller of the two Bros has dibs. If they 're the same height, the Bro with the longer dry spell has dibs. Should the dry spells be of equal length, a game of discreet Broshambo[9] shall determine dibs, provided the chick is still there.
ARTICLE 63
A Bro will make any and all efforts to provide his Bro with protection.
Brotection forms a central pillar — or, more accurately, a latex coating for the central pillar — of the Bro way of life. While a Bro is not legally or fiscally responsible for any repercussions of failing to provide protection, it's not uncommon for a Bro to experience pangs of guilt after a fellow Bro becomes infected with a disease, many of which can last an entire lifetime, like when a Bro contracts children.
In the event that one Bro finds himself lacking the prophylactic accoutrements needed to complete the act of coitus in a safe and effective ma
ARTICLE 64
A Bro must provide his Bro with a ticket to an event if said event involves the latter Bro's favorite sports team in a playoff scenario.
ARTICLE 65
A Bro must always reciprocate a round of drinks among Bros.
EXCEPTION: A Bro is off the hook if his Bro orders a drink that arrives with an umbrella in it.
ARTICLE 66
If a Bro suffers pain due to the permanent dissolution of a relationship with a lady friend, his Bros shall offer no more than a "that sucks, man" and copious quantities of beer. To eliminate the possibility of any awkward moments in the future, his Bros shall also refrain from any pejorative commentary — deserved or not — regarding said lady friend for a period of three months, when the requisite backslide window has fully closed.
ARTICLE 67
Should a Bro pick up a guitar at a party and commence playing, another Bro shall point out that he is a tool.
9
Rock, paper, scissors for Bros.
10
Unless a bicycle is the only form of transportation available, like in Southeast Asia or Arkansas or something.