Myth-Gotten Gains

They began to spin in place like tops.

"St-o-o-o-op!" they moaned.

The Book flapped his covers and floated up toward the staircase like a giant golden butterfly.

"See you in the audience chamber," his soft voice called.

"Well, that's my cue, too," Buirnie said. "Come on, Zildie, Klik! On the beat. A one, a two..."

Buirnie, accompanied by his drummer, set up a deafening barrage of martial kazoo music that would have had the henchmen on their knees with their fingers in their ears, if it wasn't compelling them to dance their brains out. Those on dry land dipped and twisted, with a shuffle-off-to-Buffalo for good measure. The rest kicked and hopped. One guard went over backwards. He fell into his companions. They went down like dominoes. The whole troop ended up on their backs in the oil slick. Their legs were still moving. They were begging for mercy by the time I sauntered past them, my feet protected by a non-slip lotion Asti had brewed up earlier that also protected us from Buirnie's compulsory dance spell.

"Father and I went down to camp, along with High General Mikwuk Trimbuli. There we saw the Imps and Mumps as red as pasta fagioli!" Buirnie sang, accompanied by the nasal buzz. The henchmen kept time with the drum, beating their limbs on the ground. "Let's go, boys."

The snare drum, with the Fife on board trotted over the oil slick, lit by Klik's beam. The prone Diles kept on dancing.

"Help me, Pervert," the captain begged. He rocked back and forth.

"That's Pervect," I said. I located the jitterbugging jailor and relieved him of his ring of keys. "Thanks, pal."

"I had better get up there ASAP," Tananda said. I handed her Asti, who continued to spew oil, though carefully missing Tananda's feet.

"Move it. I'll get up there as soon as I can."

She nodded and ran away on tiptoe.

"Light it up," I told Kelsa.

"Light? Right!" Kelsa said. She burst into hysterical giggles. "I made a rhyme!"

But the globe started glowing brightly, until we were surrounded by a golden nimbus. I held her out in front of me and started looking in the cells.

I saw no reason why Barrik should get to keep any of his prisoners. I opened all of the doors I came to along the way. The Walts seemed to have a natural immunity to Buirnie's music. They stepped out of the cells with dignity. Some of them even bowed their thanks as they sashayed past me and bounded out of the cavern.

"Look out for the oil..." I called, but I didn't need to have bothered. When they hit the slick, they just glided over it. I went back to my search.

The corridor was no short passage cut into a natural fissure in the rock. It went on for blocks. I was impressed that the old boy had managed to build such a sizable dungeon in the short time that he had been on Walt. The ceiling got lower and lower as we moved further into the depths underneath the mountain. By the time we got to the last cell, I was stooped over. I unlimbered the last key, a huge piece of iron with a dozen complicated wards at the end of the barrel. I looked into the tiny window. A stooped figure looked up from where it sat. Feathered arms rested on its knees.

"Calypso?" I asked.

The head snapped up, and the Walt's posture went as erect as anyone's could in a half-height cell. "Who wishes to know?" he demanded regally.

"Name's Aahz," I said. "Your granddaughter sent me."

The aged eyes popped wide open.

"Calypsa! Where is she?"

"Upstairs," I said. "She's doing something called the Dance of Death."

The old man sprang up. He fluttered his arms.

"What? That is most serious! If she has begun that, either she or her foe must die before the dance is finished. We must go to her aid!"

"Hold it," I said. "First, Where's the ring you've been earning around?"

He put a hand on his thin middle.

"I swallowed it," he said. "That terrible Barrik must never possess the treasure of the Calypsos!"

"Ah!" Kelsa said. "That would explain the noises I was hearing. It's not good for you to have that much heavy metal in your diet, dear."

"Can we get it out of him?"

"Asti can prepare an emetic," Kelsa said.

Suddenly, a multicolored glitter joined the golden light. A brilliant cluster of jewels bobbed at face level. It was the ring in Kelsa's vision. My heart beat hard with avarice, even as I acknowledged the thing was a product of the Totally-Over-TheTopSchool-ofDesign. A small face like that of an a

"Bozebos does not need help getting out of tight places," the Ring said.

"It can talk!" Calypso said. "A treasure of the Calypsos, talking!"

"What is so unusual about that?" Kelsa asked. "There are thousands of magikal rings in the universe. Most of them talk."

"Kelsa? Is that you?" the Ring asked, turning its little face to her. "What are you doing here?"

"We're all here, dear."

"That appalling din—is that Buirnie?"

Kelsa's face appeared in the gleaming sphere. She beamed at him. "Yes! Sometimes it's been a trial having him around constantly for the last several days, but I have to say that it has been MOST interesting, you know. I haven't seen any of you in, my goodness, centuries! That is, in person. I've seen all of you in my visions, of course..."

"But why now?"

"We had to, dear. It was necessary to get together to save the life of this Walt here."

The hovering Ring seemed to shake with fury. "You should all leave at once! This is MY dimension! I am the One Ring."

The elderly Walt stared in amazement.

"I thought it was costume jewelry. Why did it not speak before?"

"Your family is so talented you never needed my help," Bozebos said. "But you were nice to live with for a while. I will have to move on soon. Others need me." He looked at Kelsa distastefully. "I would not stay in any case if the rest of the Hoard is here. It already- feels too crowded."

"My goodness, don't be such a prima do

"Why can you not stop talking trivia?" Bozebos said. "It is enough that you are here, ruining my privacy."

"Hey!" I bellowed. I captured the Ring in one hand and glared at it "Calypsa needs us pronto! Let's go."

Chapter 24

FOLLOWING KELSA'S INSTRUCTIONS, I led Calypso to a different set of steep stone stairs. He looked at the spiral leading up well past the beam of the Crystal Ball's light and swallowed deeply, but he gamely started climbing. Within a few steps I could tell he wasn't going to make it.

"Wait a minute," I said. I addressed the Ring. "You're such a big-time magik item. Help him up the stairs."

The little face turned up its retrousse nose haughtily. "I can do better than that, Pervert!"

Before I could finish saying, "That's Per-VECT," a blue light blinded me. When it cleared, I found myself in an immense chamber with a soaring frescoed ceiling, facing a set of double doors. The blatting sound of a kazoo was faint in the distance, but Buirnie's magik was potent enough that Barrik's employees, courtiers, servers, drudges, were jumping, twisting and swaying to the piped tune. The guards that should have been facing us to defend the doors were arm in arm, doing a grapevine step up and back.

"Halt!" the guard on the end demanded, as he did a fancy step-kick-dip-step. "Who goes there?"

"Forget about them," Tananda said, coming from behind a pillar. "They can't stop moving long enough to lay a hand on you."