Myth-Gotten Gains

"No, don't you dare, you Perv—BLEAAAAAAGHH!"

A fountain of coins spurted up out of the pouch sitting on my palm. The Majaranarana's eyes widened, and he threw himself at the growing river of coins. Horunkus, less of a fool than his master, made a grab for the Purse itself. I slugged him with a kidney punch. He turned, weakly, torn between the lust for revenge or greed. Greed won. He started trying to catch coins as they fell from the sky. The plume of glittering gold rose higher. Soldiers dropped their weapons and joined in the coin-catch. I turned and shielded my head so I didn't get a faceful of hard little disks. The roar of the fountain grew louder and louder.

After what seemed like an hour, the deafening rain of coins came to a halt.

"I feel unwell," Chin-Hwag a

I looked around. The square had fallen silent. I couldn't see the Majaranarana or any of his men anywhere. Calypsa stood over a couple of bodies, covered with blood. Ersatz was clutched in both of her hands. I grabbed her elbow and hauled her into the doorway of the mission. She looked dazed.

"I defeated two guards!" Calypsa said, over and over again. Tananda jumped down from a rooftop and piled in after us.

"Nice work, too," Tanda said, wiping the Walt girl's face with a rag. "None of this blood is yours. You were terrific! I'd never have dreamed you have never held a sword before."

"I never lose," Ersatz said, with no attempt at modesty, as Tananda rubbed him down and restored him to the scabbard on the unprotesting Walt's back. "But the lass has i

"Forget it," I interrupted them. I stood aside and held open the curtain so they could see. "It's over."

Chin-Hwag's gold eruption had buried half the square. Hylida's parishioners stood flattened against the crumbling walls of the surrounding buildings. Except for our breathing, the whole square was quiet as a tomb.

I stared at the heap of coins, piled higher than my head. I had never seen so much money in all my life. No king had a treasury like that. It was astonishing. It was unreal.

"That," I said hoarsely, "is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life."

Everyone gazed at it, their shoulders heaving, eyes gleaming.

"Now, let us behave with moderation," Hylida said, addressing her flock with her hands raised. "Please, show restraint..."

The townsfolk stared at the pile of gold for perhaps three seconds, then they dove at it, grabbing coins off the heap,

stuffing them into their pockets, purses, bras, hats, whatever would hold anything, and making off with it before anyone stopped them. Not that there was anyone to stop them at the moment. The guards were all gone.

The Abbess shook her head sadly. "After all my work. The Majaranarana's going to be angry."

"Afraid not," I said. I pointed. The swiftly-diminishing pile of coins in the center had melted away to the point where the bodies buried underneath it were visible. Hylida came to see. She gasped.

"The Majaranarana! We...we killed him!"

A couple of the Toadies gawked up at her.

"She's the one! She is responsible!"

The crowd surged around her, shouting and waving their arms. A few of the guards, who had sneaked back into the square to collect some of the gold and looked shocked to see their monarch flattened on the ground, drew their swords and homed in on the little abbess.

"Save her," Calypsa begged, as I pulled back toward the shelter of the mission.

"It'll should all right," Chin-Hwag said. "This has been coining for a long time. The city could descend into anarchy, but it has been trending that way for a long while. There might be a few guilty consciences, but Hylida is i

"Hmmm." I pushed my way into the middle of the crowd and held Hylida's hand up over her head like a championship boxer.

"She's the one! She caused the miracle! She brought the shower of gold to punish the greedy despot!"

"Huh?"

I scooped up the hairpiece that had fallen off the deceased monarch, and plunked it on the head of the confused Sister Hylida. "What you need is the hair of the frog that fit you," I said. I turned to the crowd. "She freed you from the tyrant!"

The Toadies swarmed forward, chanting. At the sight of the wig on her head, even the guards joined in the jubilation.

"Hylida saved us from the tyrant! Hy-li-da! Hy-li-da! She saved us from poverty. Hy-li-da! Hy-li-da!"

The little Abbess shouted protests, but the crowd surged in around us. They hoisted her to their shoulders and marched out of the square, still chanting. I watched them go.

"Let's get out of here," I said to the others.

"Where?" Tananda asked.

"Anywhere but here. I need a good night's sleep, and I won't get it if any of them decides they want us in on the coronation ceremony, or whatever they're going to do once they reach the palace."

"But what about poor Hylida!" Calypsa said. "They will tear her apart."

"No, kid," I said. "She's just become a legendary hero. Unless you want to be one, too, minus one grandfather, we've got to move. The crowd looks ready for a celebration that will last a week, minimum."

"Are you sure?"

"I am," Kelsa and the book said at once.

"Look here," Kelsa and the book said at the same time. They glared at each other.

"They're carrying her, and the crowds are enormous, and you can't believe...!"

"The fated day has come to pass...!"

"One of you tell it," I said. "Payge, talk."

"I don't talk, I narrate," Payge said sourly. "Turn to page 836, and see. I have just felt an illumination sprout. I think it will tell you all you need to know."

I hauled the heavy cover over and thumbed through the heavily-illustrated pages until I found the indicated folio. On a page that began with an ornate capital I, for "In the heretofore blighted city of Sri Port, the reign of the tyrant Majaranarana Taricho came to pass, in the sacred enclosure of the mission of the Banana God Frojti. Grave was the suffering of the

people of Toa, eased only by the Lady High Lida, whose kindness was as fragrant as the flowers."

"You need an editor," I groaned.

"No commentary, please," Payge said. "I record the vernacular."

I continued reading. "The Majaranarana threatened the Lady High Lida with imprisonment and torture to endure seven years if she did not give him treasure. Three strangers appeared from nowhere to her aid. A mighty battle was fought between the two sides. At the end of this battle, the Majaranarana was buried in a shower of gold. The holy mother superior High Lida flew overhead to reassure the masses that all would be well. She was acclaimed ruler of the region, and reigned for forty years in peace with her people and her neighbors."

"And she lived happily ever after," Calypsa said, with a happy sigh. "I am glad."

"There they are!" a voice cried. "The holy ones who helped our Hylida defeat the tyrant!"

A crowd of Toadies came ru