Myth-Gotten Gains

"Please, please," a low, musical voice said from the doorway. "No fighting here! This is a place of peace. Raniti, how rude you are! Can't you see that these are guests? All who come here are welcome."

The crowd, which had clearly been spoiling for a good fight, all settled down into their crouches once again, grumbling under

their breath. The speaker came out and took my hand. She was a very short, very wrinkled, old Toady in a swath of much-mended cloth and a head veil. She didn't seem particularly special to look at, with an unusually wide mouth and a flat nose, but there was fire in those bulgy eyes. I was impressed in spite of myself.

"Come in, come in," she said. "I am Sister Hylida, abbess of the Toa Ddhole Mission. Welcome, welcome!" She gestured toward the door.

There seemed to be as much deconstructed architecture inside as out, but it was arranged better. Two bricks propped up a vase with a broken foot. A shrine at one end had been put together out of pieces of carved marble, detritus from a number of different temples, each with its own idea of ornamentation.

"Ugh, what a stench! They're using dung fires," Calypsa said, in a low voice.

"I think it's the food," Tananda whispered back.

"Reminds me of Pervish cooking," I said. The smell was making me hungry.

A couple of ski

"May I offer you cool water and a cloth to wash your hands?" Sister Hylida asked. The toadies hurried over with a chipped ewer and mismatched clay cups. I held mine in both hands, keenly aware of the solid gold, gem encrusted, magikal goblet in the custom-made carrying case next to me on the mat.

The toadies hunkered down near the far wall as Sister Hylida squatted down with us. I heard curious whispers and giggles, and realized that faces were peering in the door and through the holes in the wall.

"Our business is private," I said.

"You will find that privacy is rare here," Hylida said. "But we can try to find some." She waved away the eavesdroppers with a little smile. The faces behind the wall retreated a few feet. I hoped they didn't have as keen hearing as Pervects did.

She glanced at the sword lying half-sheathed across Calypsa's knees. "You won't need that here. What a beautiful weapon it is, though."

Pervects are not normally concerned with the concept of 'an embarrassment of riches.' I don't usually have quibbles with who owns what. If I want something that belongs to someone else, sooner or later I'll figure out a way to get it. But this entire city seemed to be dirt poor, and here we had come clanking in with enough wealth to buy the whole place, mineral rights and all, looking for probably the only thing of value remaining. I felt like a rat as I cleared my throat.

"Look, we're not from around here," I began. "We're on a mission..."

"You are? Blessings be upon you from the Thousand Gods!" The little sister jumped up from her cloth and ran to the altar. She lit a stick of incense at the small tin brazier and stuck it in a dish full of sand in front of a tattered poster containing a myriad of images, no doubt her thousand gods, and chanted a tuneless wail that went up and down the scales like a cat's love song. Two of the acolytes ran in and began shaking sistrums and banging tambourines. My eardrums twisted at the noise. Hylida concluded her prayer and sat down again. "I am so happy to hear that. Most outworlders who find their way here are lost. How may I serve you upon this mission?"

It was an unmistakable opening, but I couldn't take it. I opened my mouth. Nothing came out.

Ersatz jumped in. "My good friend Aahz wishes to tell you that he requires you to give us the Purse of Endless Wealth, which we judge to be in your possession. That is the sum of our task in this place."

"How can you just blurt that out?" Tananda asked him. The steel-gray eyes rolled toward her on the visible portion of the blade.

"It is the next step in our task to save Calypsa's grandfather, is it not?" Ersatz asked, reasonably. "Mistress Hylida asked

us, and since friend Aahz appears to be tongue-tied, I have taken the step of saying the words for him. That is what you wish, isn't it?"

"Not very subtle, are you?"

"Subtlety wastes time," Ersatz said, unperturbed. The eyes turned to our hostess. "Well, mistress? Do we seek the Purse here in vain?"

Hylida clapped her hands. "I have seen a wonder today! A sword that talks! Is that your request, green-scaled one?"

I felt doubly stupid, now. "Uh...yeah. That is it."

"Then I am happy to tell you you have succeeded! Chin-Hwag is here."

"Oh, yes, Aahz," Kelsa said. "I told you I saw her. Would I lie?"

"Lie, no," Asti said, exasperatedly. "Be mistaken, constantly."

"I always see true! Much better than someone who poisons people by accident!"

"If you don't mind," the Book said, aheming for attention, "but I have a record of all of your errors over the centuries..."

"More wonders!" Hylida said, happily. "A Book that talks! Brothers and sisters, we must celebrate!"

The Toadies jumped up again, and began dancing, more vigorously than before. The people outside rose and started shouting. They banged pots and pans together, shook mara-cas, and danced all around the square.

Bam! Boom! Zing! Bom!

"Stop it!" I shouted. No one paid any attention to me.

"Hey, this is fun!" Buirnie said, through his little window. "Mind if I join in? Zildie, from the top! A-one, a-two, a-three..."

The spotlight hit his case. The nimble leg of the drum flicked it open, and the Flute joined in the chanting on the backbeat. The people stared at the solid-gold Fife for one moment, then accepted it as yet another miracle to celebrate. He led them in singing a rondo with a catchy rhythm. I sat with my arms folded, waiting for it all to blow over, but Calypsa

started to get into it. She sprang up and started to dance, kicking and twirling. The locals grabbed her hands and swung her into their circle. The noise reached epic levels.

"Enough, already!" I bellowed.

Buirnie's playing died away with a whine.

The crowd paused to stare at me.

I glared at Sister Hylida. "If this is what you call private, then I want to see what you call an open town meeting!"

"Oh, it is an event of even greater enjoyment," the Toady nun said. She signed to her people to sit down. They groaned their disappointment, but they sat. Buirnie glared at me from underneath his spotlight. "But you were asking about Chin-Hwag. She has been my companion for several years now, and a great help to me in my mission. We help the poor and serve the hungry here. You see?"

She waved toward another ragged curtain. Beyond it was a room larger than the one we sat in. Several Toadies stirred huge, dented kettles over glowing embers. Steam rose from the pots. The aroma we had noticed on the way in came from there.

"We share good fortune as well as bad here," Hylida said, placidly. "But do not worry. No one will speak of what they see and hear in this place."

I didn't believe that, but I didn't have time to argue. We had business to accomplish and a road to hit. I cleared my throat.

"Abbess, we want to be fair. What will you take for the Purse?"

At my question, protests rose from the Toadies squatting in the house and outside the broken walls.

"Sell Chin-Hwag? I could never sell her!" Sister Hylida rose and removed a slab of plaster from the wall next to the altar. Behind it was a small alcove. I nodded approval. It would be hidden from potential thieves—who would suspect that the greatest fortune in any dimension might be concealed in those crumbling walls?—but easy to grab if the sister had to

evacuate her soup-kitchen in a hurry. "You must see her, of course. Here she is."