Myth-Gotten Gains

ages of space and resources became the cause for much infighting, and rules had to be reestablished as to how many attendants each monarch may have when he or she was in council with the other three. So, each secretly sent out messengers to attempt to find another epic treasure to add to the Hoard, who would wield more power in his or her name.

"More and more treasures were brought in. As soon as these came in contact with us, they awoke to knowledge of their power. Some of them we accepted into the Hoard. Others were not worthy to be in our company. In the end, only twelve of us were of sufficient quality. Much jealousy arose, as is to be expected, but we had to have standards of excellence. No one may rest upon his reputation alone, though as you may judge, good Aahz, it helps to stave off futile exercises if one's opponent is in awe of what he has heard."

"True," I said. "In our organization, M.Y.T.H., Inc., we had standards like that. It helps if there's general agreement that everyone who is there belongs there."

"Oh?" Asti asked. "So you had a fellowship. Not with this child, surely, but with the green wench. I can tell that you two know one another well. You do not always communicate with words."

"Yeah, we had an association," I said. "It was a damned fine one, too. When we had to, we could kick epic butt."

"Aye, mortals often believe that they can achieve fraternity as we did," Ersatz said, with a nostalgic sigh. "It was such a friendship as has never been seen in any time before or since. We were truly happy in one another's company. You don't know what it is like to be part of a group, each expert in its own field, respectful of one another's talents, able to defeat all comers, always knowing that one's back is defended as well as if one had been multiplied into an army."

"Sure, I do," I said. "Why, in M.Y.T.H...."

"Oh, there's no mortal equivalent," Buirnie interrupted, dismissively. "Never has been, never could be. You couldn't

possibly know what it is to be a member of a fellowship like ours. It was unique!"

"What the hell do you know about it?" I demanded. I was begi

"Nor would your petty band have taken on missions that would change the future of an entire race," Asti said.

I am a patient man, but I was begi

"Perhaps it was important as you mortals count it," Kelsa said, blinking at me. "But it wasn't important on a cosmic level, as our adventures were, dear."

"In your humble opinion," I snapped.

"I only tell the truth! I know all, see all!"

"Blow all," I said. "You're so terrific that you end up in flea markets and fortune teller's parlors. That's where the great Golden Hoard has gotten to, right?"

"Good Aahz, we have offended you," Ersatz said, apologetically. "Perhaps I will cease my narration. I have carried on nearly as long as that pe

"Hey, who are you calling a pe

"No," Tananda said. "You're not offending us at all, Ersatz." She shot a reproving look at me, and drew a long finger down the blade. "I want to hear the rest. You're so good at telling stories."

Ersatz's eyes closed. He almost seemed to be purring. "You have your own magik, mistress, surely."

"Go on," she said, in a caressing voice. "So, how did you end up in the flea market?"

"Alas," Ersatz sighed. "Change of fortune, and change again. Ah, me, those were the days. While we were in Valhal, peace existed between us all. There is not much more to tell. Sadly, our Utopia was all temporary. So many of us could not exist in one another's company. Each of us must be supreme. The power we generated together began to build up. The first explosion destroyed the treasury, but left us all unscathed.

"Not the Drum, dear," Kelsa said. "His head was torn right across."

"But his frame remained sound. Heads are easily replaced. It was determined that we should be divided before we fractured the realm once again. The warning came too late. They had brought too many of us together. We began to argue about the best way to safeguard our realm. We could not agree. The power built and built. Looki, always a most observant man, attempted to warn the leaders of the four realms to depart before a disaster came. They wouldn't listen. None would depart and leave the field to the others, or so they perceived. Such thinking proved to be catastrophic."

"The explosion, when it came, blew up the entire dimension of Valhal," Asti said. "It killed everyone, and scattered us all to the four winds. We turned up in some of the most unexpected places. When the dust settled, I was in a housewares display in a department store in Imper."

"I was the aggie in a game of marbles on Titania," Kelsa said. "Most exciting!"

"I blew right into the hands of a jazz musician in Nola," Buirnie said. "My first taste of stardom!"

"And I was cutting salamis in Trollia," Ersatz said, heavily. "I have sought for traces of our long-ago home, but it seems to have been severed from the dimensions, if it exists at all."

"Well, we were better than that," I said smugly. "I mean, we never blew up a whole dimension."

"If you are so superior," Asti said, "then why are you not together any longer?"

Ersatz answered before I could blow up.

"It seems that there are flaws in all of us. Since then, I have put myself into the hands of those who are about to fight epic battles. How about your fellowship?

"I don't want to talk about it," I said. "It's gone now. Maybe good things aren't meant to last forever."

"Nonsense," Asti said. "Look at us! We ARE meant to last forever. Durable, that's the way it ought to be. We seldom come together, but we are never really apart."

I felt a pang. I resented it.

"I don't believe that is to what he refers, Asti," Ersatz said, sternly.

"How do you know what he is talking about? Your authoritarianism just twists my stem sometimes," the Cup said, rolling her rubies scornfully.

"He and his companions may have aspired to such a fellowship as ours."

"Oh, please, don't try to convince me he is anything but a greedy egotist."

"All right," I snarled, "I won't."

"I wrote a song about us," Buirnie said, interrupting the argument with one final attempt either to make peace or show off, I wasn't sure which. "Now that you know the backstory, it will be much more interesting. 'Once upon a time there was a Hoard..."'

"NO!" I bellowed. The ground almost shook at the sound of my voice. Buirnie looked taken aback.

"A simple 'thanks but no thanks' would have done the trick," he said, reproachfully.

"I know your company must have been special to you," Calypsa said. "But Ersatz has lived so many thousands of years, and done so many important things. I know you must feel small next to the Hoard. I know that I do."

"Child, never lose your sense of self worth," the Sword said, kindly. "Your adventure is just begi

I opened my mouth, then snapped it shut. I realized I was never going to be able to convince them of the quality of what I'd had and lost. Tananda gave me a sympathetic look and a gesture to let it go. Well, if she could, I could. Let it never be said that I let my memories affect my mood.