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But I would remain what I was, her protector, her monster. Not only hers, but the entire Rift’s. Even if I managed to make peace with my actions, the cold-blooded murders I’d committed, they required something of my kind to guard them.
˚nowing that, I would never make peace with it. I was as terrible as Hakkon, and I would spend an eternity atoning.
“I won’t ever look human again,” I told her. “This is what I am. I haven’t made peace with what I’ve done, but I’ve made peace with who I am. Perhaps I am a beast, but I’m your beast.”
Cirri smiled a little, and bent forward to kiss my forehead. And that’s who I love, she said.
That word, after we’d danced around for it so long. It wasn’t until she was gone that I understood I should have said it while I could, that they were the only words that mattered.
“I love you,” I said, with a great sigh of relief, and gave her my most hideous grin. “Gods, I love you more than anything.”
I’ve been waiting for you to say that.
I looked up at her, those green eyes shining, and debated with myself. I needed to tell her. The brambles would not lie. I should not lie.
“Then I hope you can still believe it… Cirri. Sit down.”
She sank onto the bed next to me, head tipped curiously, hair spilling over her shoulders.
“What you wrote… that wargs and fiends are the same.”
I didn’t… I didn’t mean to compare you to them, or to say you’re the same—
Cirri flushed, and I took her hands, stopping her. “No, listen to me. We are the same. You’re right. Cirri, I told you when I killed Ellena. I’m not noble. I’m as evil as they are. But I try… to do it for the right reasons.”
She kept her hands in mine, eyes boring into me.
“You know I drink—used to drink—from convicts. Some small way to try to repair the balance of what I’ve done.” I snorted derisively. “It will never repair it. To become a fiend is the same as a warg. To slaughter the i
She signed so slowly. I saw what they did. When they made the artist a warg.
I held her gaze, unwilling to look away. She deserved to be looked in the eye when I told her. “Cirri… that is what I had to do. That’s why my kind both loves and loathes me, and holds me at arm’s length. It wasn’t just my sacrifice, it was the sacrifice of people who had never done anything wrong in their lives. It was necessary to become what I am… and it was true evil.”
He told me this, she said. That it was the same. That was what I meant.
“At least he spoke the truth about that,” I said bitterly. “I killed dozens of i
She was shaking her head, but I didn’t stop.
“I slaughtered my own to protect my own.” The words were blunt but true. “A necessary evil, but still a great evil. Which is why I must tell you. I love you so much that I ca
I sighed, knowing that I had put all my happiness on the line. “But you should know what loves you, and if you can love it in return. You should at least have a choice in that.”
Cirri gazed at me, and I wondered if it was judgment that I felt burning in her eyes, a kindling hatred that would cut me down over time, piece by piece.
The minutes trickled by, until I thought I might explode. My claws tightened, pricking my own skin. A pain I deserved.
Finally she lifted her hands, and I prepared myself for the worst; the knowledge that she would despise me forever, my love her cage.
I still love you, she said. I don’t care if it’s wrong. I’m selfish, too. I love you and that’s final. But I expect you to show a little restraint in the future. Don’t let your anger add more deaths to your conscience.
I stared at her, not entirely believing what I’d heard. How could she love me, after what I’d told her?
But the selfish part of me howled with victory. She loved me, and she was mine.
“I will,” I said hoarsely. “Whatever you ask of me.” Cirri touched my cheek, smiling slightly.
I have so much to tell you, she said. But please, Bane, take me home.
I raised her hand to my lips and kissed it, tasting newly-spun skin. It already smelled like her, the familiar scent I craved.
“As you command, my lady.”
We left the sea of thorns by moonlight, nothing but blood and trampled grass left to mark our passage.
No wargs came, nor human Forian soldiers; the end of the wargs, and our people’s plight, had ended as a secret drama enacted behind a curtain. One day I was sure I would receive a letter from Radomil, demanding to know why the bloodroses of the vampires were growing on his territory, but it could be many years before anyone came to this blighted corner of Foria where the wargs had held sway. This was dead land now, a cursed territory.
My legions moved quickly, desperate to leave the brambles behind. Every knight was disturbed by them, and Wyn and Andrus alone seemed fascinated by the things.
My brother had turned back to gaze at them as we marched towards the mountains.
“It’s not the answer,” I told him.
He was burning his fingertips again, rubbing his thumb on the pendant. His silver eyes were distant. “Don’t fear, Bane. I have many years left in me.”
But I was sure he’d marked the location in his mind, hoarding the knowledge for later; for a day when he gave up on his quest for salvation and chose a bloody penitence.
I wanted to tell him that giving himself up to the thorns would not erase his deeds. They would not wash him clean.
But that was something he needed to come to terms with on his own. I had learned that myself.
It was only a day later, as the legions marched upwards on the mountain trail and the horses pulled the wagons behind them, that Andrus gave one last look to the north, and bowed his head to me.
“I part from you here,” he said. “And I wish you both nothing but happiness.”
I embraced him, and we walked down to the last wagon, where I’d piled pillows and blankets and tucked Cirri into the nest.
Leaving us already? She asked, and I translated her words for him. Her fingers were shiny, greasy with a balm Wyn had given her; in the boredom of being carted home, she was massaging her knuckles and tendons, exercising her fingers’ movements. They grew more limber by the day.
“Someone must spread the news across Veladar.” Andrus smiled at her. “Cirrien the Wargbinder. Now families will sleep easily, at peace in the knowledge that the time of the wolves is over.”
She stared up at him, and flushed a deep red. That’s… a bit much for someone like me.
Andrus laughed when I translated. “We all earned our names,” he told her. “Now you’ve earned yours. I’ll see you again one day, my lady, but home calls. The Mother smiles on you.”
He bowed to her, and she raised a hand in farewell. Andrus slipped off on his own, scaling the mountains far more quickly than the legions could.
Voryan had slipped off the night before without a word of goodbye to anyone, as he usually did. Only Wyn was irritated at his ma
I was grateful, nonetheless, that he’d joined us.
Wroth remained, having vowed to see us to Ravenscry before he returned home.
“It’s a respite,” he grumbled. He often walked near Cirri’s wagon, close enough that it was obvious he was watching over her, just far away enough to maintain plausible deniability.
It took over a day to cross the mountains; we could have cut the time in half by taking the route under the mountains, but I took Visca, Wyn, and Wroth aside, telling them of what I’d scented while tracking my woman.
No one was happy about it; we all agreed that with the wargs gone, it would soon be time to cast our eyes downward once more, and continue what we’d begun when our kind first went Below.
But not now, at this very moment. The Fae-things below would wait, and it was unanimously decided that no one was to take the under-mountain route again.
When the wagon finally descended onto Rift soil and the ground leveled out, I helped Cirri out of the wagon. She had healed enough to walk and stretch her legs again. Two of the legions broke off and headed south, delivering the news to every village and town in the Rift.
Ravenscry was quiet when we arrived outside the gates. I looked up at them, remembering how fractured I had felt when I last left… and now I felt that I was returning whole.
Cirri leaned on my arm as the guards opened the gates, her eyes fixed on the towers.
The first time I ever came here… I was terrified. I felt like I was in a fairy tale, but the kind where everyone gets eaten in the end. She looked up at me ruefully, then sighed. And now it’s home. I never expected that. At times I still don’t feel that I deserve it.
“Deserving has nothing to do with it. It’s yours, and you’ll stay by me for an eternity, of course. As the Lord of the Rift, I demand it.”
Of course, she said, glancing at me sidelong under her lashes. And the Lady gets no say?
“The Lady won’t want to argue with my decrees, because she’s going to be very, very busy as my new Scrollkeeper.”
Cirri went still. I thought… I would only be working on the translations. I thought perhaps you wanted to find someone else…
“Who else?” I asked, pulling her aside. I led under a vast pine, into a clearing where the mist hid us from view. “Who else has made the effort to become fluent in six languages? Who else deciphered enough of the High Tongue to use a charm that old?”
She stared up at me, face pale, hands knotted at her sides.
“Who else?” I asked again. “There is no one else. I’m not giving you the position, Cirri. You earned it yourself.”
She took a deep, shuddering breath, and closed her eyes for a moment.
That was everything I worked for, she said. That’s my dream. After we married, and I thought the Silver Library was lost to me… I didn’t want to exist just to be a figurehead. I need to do something with my life.
“You will. You’ve done a great thing, and you’ll do more. And I know you’ll do it credit.” I held her, and she melted against me, hiding her face. I felt the heat of tears on my chest, but she wiped them away, smiling. “Now, let me hear you say it.”
Cirri looked up, eyes wide.
“That you earned it,” I clarified.
She swallowed, and raised her hands. I earned it.
The first movements were tentative, and then she raised her chin, eyes flashing. I did. I earned it myself. And I will make something of it.