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I flinched at all the clumps already discarded on the floor by his bare feet. My stomach panged in worry as I inched into the bathroom and dared to reach up, stilling his hand with mine and trying to take the scissors from him, just in case he was sleepwalking.
“Kas?” I studied his dark eyes, trying to see if he was in a nightmare or awake. “Are you...okay?”
Slowly, the manic self-disgust faded from his stare, and his shoulders slouched. Tearing his eyes from the mirror, he ran both hands over his face and gave me a wobbly smile. “Sorry. I had meant to be done by the time you got back.”
“Done with what?” I looked at the scissors in my hand, a rush of sickness filling me. “You weren’t...going to hurt yourself, were you?”
“Christ no.” He shook his head and planted his hands on either side of the sink, staring at himself in the mirror.
“Then what were you doing?”
He sighed heavily, taking his time to reply. Finally, he murmured, “I looked up what a gala is online.”
“Okay...”
“I sca
“You lived in a mansion. That surely doesn’t scare you. You’re used to decadence. My little house is a downgrade in that area.”
He cleared his throat. “It’s not the setting that made me panic.”
“Is it the thought of so many people? Of being open about what you endured?” I leaned against the vanity and faced him. “If it is, I get it. I was wondering if it would be too much for you. As lovely as the offer is and the potential donations you could earn would undeniably cause positive change, it’s not worth it if it makes your past haunt you or your concussion to have a relapse.”
His hand came up as he cupped my cheek. His eyes swirled with emotions I couldn’t decipher as he bent and kissed me. “It’s not that, Gem.”
I kissed him back. Tasting his tongue with mine, wishing I could erase all the horror from his soul.
Slowly, he pulled away and took the scissors from me. I tried to hold on to them, but he just added pressure and showed me just how powerful he was, how strong he was beneath the kindness he showed.
“It’s me they’ll be afraid of.” He shook his head, his hand fisting around the scissors, waving them at his reflection. “Those pictures online showed women in sparkly gowns and men in black tuxedos. Each one was clean-shaven, groomed, and polished.”
My heart squeezed as I understood instantly. “Just because you don’t look that way doesn’t mean you have to change.”
“I know.” He scowled at his reflection, studying his beard and tangled long hair. The way it cascaded over his shoulders and hung in sheets around his face looked like armor. A shield that’d been hacked and damaged, a barrier that kept him removed from the world, kept him part animal, granting him the strength of the bears he used to live with and the predators who stalked his valley.
“No one expects you to look like a guy who works in a boring office all day, Kas.” I touched his arm. “They’re going to the gala knowing that you have a tale to tell. Your appearance only corroborates that tale.”
He sighed again, his eyes dancing over his face. “But what if I don’t want to be that tale anymore?”
“Then you do whatever it is that you want to do.” I wedged myself between him and the vanity, making his chin drop to look at me. Cupping his cheeks, I whispered, “Long hair, short hair, beard or no beard, I will love you. The question is...what will make you love yourself?”
His head tipped down, his lips pressing to mine.
He inhaled as his tongue licked the seam of my mouth, slipping into me, enticing me into a deep, sensual kiss.
I sighed and puddled against him, looping my arms around his neck, willing to go wherever he led. Pulling away a little, he murmured, “I think...a part of me let my hair get this long and never shaved—even though there were scissors and razors at Fables—because I wanted to be as repulsive as I could.”
My heart broke all over again. “So no one would find you sexually attractive?”
He nodded and pressed the lightest kiss to my lips. “As slaves, we were forced to shower after every guest, to shave everywhere, to wear perfume and aftershave and present ourselves in whatever outfit the guests requested. By the end, we all despised hygiene because it meant we were desirable. We often joked in the dorm that we’d find a way to smear ourselves in animal shit so the guests wouldn’t want to touch us.”
I snuggled into him, pressing my cheek against his chest. His heart pounded beneath my ear. There was nothing I could say, so I just held him while he shared another piece of himself.
“When I lost my memory for those five years, I still shaved and trimmed my hair. I’d smashed the mirrors by that point, but I did it by feel, some part of me doing its best not to become completely wild. But when my memory came back...that was when a lot of my coping mechanisms came back to haunt me. I didn’t bathe for a full month. I was proud of my stench. Each month, as my hair grew longer and my cheeks itched with a thicker beard, I was fucking grateful because it was an armor against ever being used again.” He sucked in a breath and squeezed me tight. “Eventually, I returned to washing myself—mostly because I took to swimming in the river a lot. I found I wasn’t successful in hunting if I didn’t wash regularly. My prey could smell me coming.” He chuckled. “So, you’re lucky you found me with just long hair and not a body odor that could clear out the entire valley.”
I looked up and smiled. “You’ve always smelled delectable to me.”
His nose wrinkled. “I’ve always wondered about that.”
“About what?”
“I went out of my way to be unappealing. Yet you...you saw past all that. How...eh, why did you find me attractive when we first met?” He shrugged. “Not only was I your enemy but I wasn’t exactly the type of man you were used to—judging by the preppy guys on TV.” His voice thickened. “I know I forced you to pleasure me those first few days, but I...” He licked his lips as shyness filled his tone. “I wanted you so much, Gem, and I...I knew you wanted me back. I knew you were...interested.”
With my eyes locked with his, I reached around and squeezed his hard ass.
He jerked, his hips pressing against mine, pi
“You could’ve looked like bigfoot, Kas, and I would’ve still been attracted to you. I’ve never been more attracted to anyone in my life.”
“Yeah, but why? Why did you want me when I did my best to be anything but wantable.”
I pulled him into me again, rocking my belly against this thickening cock. “Because our co
“Fuck.” His head came down, and his hands landed on either side of my hips, holding the vanity as he pulsed his erection against my stomach. “I feel you inside me too.”
We kissed chastely to start, soft and sweet, breath and heat, but then his mouth opened wide, pouring every emotion out of him into me.
He kissed me the entire time he unzipped my hoodie, yanked it off my arms, and pulled my T-shirt and sports bra over my head. I kissed him back as I shoved his T-shirt up his carved, scarred chest and waited impatiently as he pulled it over his head.
We fell on each other again as we fumbled out of our pants. I tore my leggings and panties down while he unbuckled his belt and unzipped the jeans I’d bought him on my last shopping trip.
Kicking the last of our clothing away, he grabbed me around the waist and lifted me onto the vanity. Spreading my legs with his hands on my thighs, he looked down at my nakedness.
His jaw clenched. “Fucking hell, you’re stu
I dropped my stare to his stiff cock, proud and heavy between his legs. “Likewise.”
He tracked my stare, looking at himself and the faint silvery lines on a part of his body that should never have known such abuse. His shoulders stiffened, and he sucked in a harsh breath. Reluctantly, his right hand moved until it curled around his erection.
He trembled as he fisted himself. A slight sheen of sweat glittered on his chest. Trauma and pain demanded he stop.
My heart hurt just imagining the conditioning inside his head, all the brainwashing he’d undergone since he was just a kid, having a part of his body taken away from him by monsters.
“Kas...” I wrapped my hand around his on his cock, jolting a little at how hot and hard his flesh was. “You don’t have to—”
“I know...” His eyes met mine. “But I want to.” He swallowed a black chuckle. “Jareth was right that my cock is one of my biggest triggers. Don’t exactly want to bring him into this moment, but he does have a valid point.”
Ever so slowly, I removed my hand from his, leaving his fingers wrapped tight around his erection. For a long moment, we didn’t move. But then a groan built in his chest as he pumped his hand, just once.
His shoulders rolled as more sweat broke out.
I wanted to intervene. To help. To get on my knees and bring him pleasure instead of watching him quake in pain. But...if this was him healing, then I would do whatever he needed. I would do whatever he asked if it gave him peace.
I licked my lips as he pumped his erection again, his face strained and eyes black with ghosts. “You’re with me. Only me,” I murmured, spreading my legs wider, giving his mind something to focus on.
His gaze locked between my legs as his left hand found my wetness. Biting his bottom lip, he slipped a powerful finger inside me. I gasped, arching my hips to give him better access, letting him touch me however he wanted.
His right hand slowly found a rhythm. Up, down, squeeze. He visibly trembled, and his breath was harsh and irregular, but he didn’t stop. His thumb found my clit, sending pinwheels of need through my blood.
I arched backward, knocking the scissors off the vanity.
The crash of its blades hitting the floor ruined all our progress.
Kas leaped away, his finger withdrawing from my body, his fist letting his cock go. He gulped air as panic rippled over his back.
“It’s okay.” I wriggled toward the edge of the vanity, wanting to drop to the floor and go to him. “It’s all good. Stay with me.”
Holding up his hand, he pressed his palm against my breasts, holding me in place. Pinching the bridge of his nose with his other hand, he bowed his head, long hair curtaining his face. “Stay. Give me...give me a sec.” Breathing hard, he battled whatever phantoms and nightmares crowded his head.
I did what he asked. I stayed where I was, pressing a kiss to his forearm where his bone had fractured all those weeks ago when he fell off the cliff.
He looked up as my lips caressed his skin.