Waiting

At last he seemed to recognize the resentment and suffering in her eyes. He said, "I was so dazed that I lost my presence of mind. Are you sure you're okay now?"

"Yes." Tears came to her eyes.

He wanted to hold her in his arms and comfort her, but they were in the presence of seven or eight soldiers, who were whistling deliberately while shoveling snow on the sidewalk thirty yards away. Remaining where he was, Lin managed to say, "I'm afraid you may need medical help. You look very ill, Ma

"Where can I get that? I have to take care of myself."

"We should be able to figure out a way. Let me think about it. Can we talk it over this evening?"

"Sure, but don't worry about me. I'm really fine now."

He signaled with his eyes and hand that they should not stay within others' sight too long. They turned and went into the office building together.

For the rest of the afternoon, whenever free, Lin thought about the rape. The more he thought, the angrier he grew with himself. He realized that Geng Yang had taken advantage of his inability to develop his relationship with Ma

"What did you say?" asked the young doctor who shared the office with him.

"Oh, nothing."

For some reason Lin felt the case was not over yet. He worried about Ma

He and Ma

"Why? You're crazy. That's equal to broadcasting the secret."

"I'm afraid we'd better let the leaders know before it's too late, or there will be more troubles waiting for us."

"What do you mean, Lin?"

"If they know of the case, at least you can officially get medical or psychological help when you need it. For us, this is more important than anything else. "

"I'm really well and have no need for any treatment."

"Please listen to me just once!"

"No, we can't do that. Let me tell you why: if people know of the rape, I'll become cheaper in everyone's eyes, and I'll belong to a different category, lower than a widow."

Lin sighed, but he didn't give up. He continued, "There's another reason that I believe we should let Ran Su know."

"What's that?"

"You told Haiyan Niu everything. She's not that reliable. We should take measures against a leak now."

"She promised me she wouldn't tell anybody."

"I dare not trust her. "

"Why?"

"I can't say exactly; just by instinct I know we dare not count on her promise. You've put too much in her hands. If this gets out, you'll have a personal catastrophe. People can kill you with their tongues. It will be better to report it to Ran Su now."

She began weeping, her face buried in her arms on the edge of his desk. Softening, he said, "Don't cry, dear. If you don't want to let others know, I won't tell anybody."

"I want to keep it secret. "

"All right, but you should talk to Haiyan and remind her of her promise."

"I ' ll do that tomorrow. "

After their talk, Lin became more considerate to Ma

12

One morning in April, Ma

Suddenly it flashed through her mind that Ran Su must have found out about the rape. A flush rose on her face as a pang seized her heart and rendered her speechless. She was sure of her conjecture and later told Lin about it. He said she might be wrong, though he was agitated too. He swore he had never revealed the secret to anyone.

She guessed right. The next afternoon, as she and Lin were going to the hot-water house, each holding a thermos bottle, they saw Mrs. Su coming from the opposite direction. Passing them, the ski

From then on, whenever the little woman saw Ma

Lin was deeply disappointed by the leak and felt ashamed as well, because sometimes the little woman would call him "a green-hatted cuckold" in front of others. Ran Su was a friend of his, but there was no way Lin could ask him to dissuade his wife from calling Ma

Naturally Ma