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"I said I'm not doing this," I said, ticked and scared all at the same time. "Ivy, I didn't start this, and I'm not going to sleep with you to share blood. Get out of my way."
"I started this, and you don't have to sleep with me to share blood," she said, utterly still.
I froze. I don't have to sleep with her? My gaze rose to meet the faultless black her eyes now were, and she smiled, showing a slip of teeth.
"What do you think Ry
My gaze darted to her new scar and rose to her eyes. A shiver iced through me, between thought and action. She can separate the two? "I thought…," I stammered, then mentally kicked myself. Ry
Again my attention went to her new bite, now clearly visible as a badge of honor. Of success, maybe? Almost as if she'd heard my thoughts, Ivy leaned closer. "Yes," she said distinctly, hitting the S with a sharp sound. "We've been practicing all month, and this morning, I did it. No charms, no drugs, nothing. It was the most frustrating thing I've ever done. It left one part of me satisfied, and the other…achingly empty."
I blinked fast to try to gain an understanding of what that meant. Everything shifted, and I held my breath as I became afraid for another reason. It was too easy for me to become drunk on sensation and do something that I'd hate myself in the morning for. But this was something we both wanted. How could it be wrong?
Ivy tilted her head and, smiling, sent her sin-black eyes to drop languorously to my neck, making her intentions clear. Desire pinged through me, and I shuddered, knowing I was lost. Or found. About to be broken, or made whole. Inches away, Ivy pulled in my scent as she closed her eyes, bringing herself to a higher pitch, driving herself crazy with denial even as I stood in front of her. "I can do this, Rachel."
I wanted this. I wanted to feel good. I wanted the closeness with Ivy I knew a bite would bring. I wanted to push away the pain we both felt from Kisten's death with something real. And there was no reason not to.
I shuddered at the barest touch of her fingertip as she brushed the afghan from my shoulders and it pooled at my feet. A shiver took me, born from the cooler air hitting my skin and the heat she was pulling from my core. Vampire incense filled me on a slow intake of breath; it rolled in my soul, flashing up to make her light touch feel like electricity.
"Wait," I said, self-preservation stronger than the remembered ecstasy she could fill me with, a mille
And she waited.
My eyes closed. I could feel her breath against my skin, the heat from her body against mine though air stood between us, and the tension making the air tingle against me. I weighed her obvious desire against her slow movements and the fact that she had stopped when I asked. I had to be certain. She said she could do this, but I didn't want to make another stupid mistake. Could she do it? Could I? My eyes opened. "Are you sure?" I asked, searching her expression.
She leaned closer, her lips parting to say something, but then her brow furrowed and she stiffened. Dropping her grip on my shoulder, she spun. The clatter of pixy wings shattered the silence.
"Ivy!" Jenks shrilled, and I almost thought I heard her growl. "No! It's too soon!"
I took a deep breath, willing myself to stay upright. I had forgotten the soporific effect vampire pheromones had, and my heart pounded as I propped myself up; I leaned against the counter as I took a deep breath to steady myself.
"It's okay, Jenks," I said, not looking up from my faintly trembling fingers. "Ivy's got a handle on this."
"What about you?" he shouted, darting from her to me. His tiny features were pinched in worry, and I could see a row of faces at the window, watching, until Ivy closed the curtains, sealing us in a soothing blue. "Look at you!" he said, the dust spilling from him turning a pale green. "You can hardly stand up, and she hasn't even touched you yet."
Ivy was standing at the sink, arms crossed over her middle and her head bowed. I didn't want it to end like this. "I can't stand up because it feels that good!" I shouted at Jenks, and he flew backward in surprise. "I'm fine! So you can take your little pixy ass out of here! She stopped when I asked her to wait. She's over there right now, not"—I hesitated, feeling a surge of anticipation rise through me—"not ripping my throat open!"
Ivy's head came up and she gripped herself tighter. Her eyes were absolutely black, and adrenaline made a burning trail from my neck to my middle. Oh, God. This couldn't be a poor decision if we both wanted it so badly. Right? Please let this be a good decision.
"I slaked my blood lust three hours ago," she said, her soft voice in contrast with her sharp body language. "I can do this. If it gets to be too much, for either of us, I can stop."
"So we're…fine," I stated. "Get out, Jenks."
"You're not fine." Jenks got in my face to break my co
I looked at Ivy standing by the sink, hunched with a need so deep it hurt to see it. I had waited with Kisten, hadn't let him bite me, and now he was dead. I couldn't wait for later if there was a now. I wouldn't.
"I don't want her to leave." I brought my gaze to Jenks. "I want you to."
Ivy closed her eyes and the tension in her face eased. "Get out, Jenks," she said, her voice low and laced with a threat that set my insides quivering. "Or stay and watch, you perverted Peeping Tom. I don't care. Just shut your damn mouth for a fucking five minutes."
He sputtered, rising up out of her way as she pushed herself into motion and came to me. My pulse was racing, and I knew that the more fear I showed, the harder it would be for her to find control. We might not be good at this right away, but we had to start somewhere, and I wasn't going to be the one to fail.
"Ivy," Jenks pleaded. "It's too soon."
"It's too late," she breathed into my ear, her fingers resting lightly on my shoulders. The pounding of my heart was loud, and I could feel my pulse lifting the skin at my throat. Jenks moaned in frustration. After darting into my charm cupboard, he zipped out of the kitchen.
Ivy's touch became liquid heat in his absence. Leaning forward, she traced a path with her fingers across my neck, searching for the unseen scar under my perfect skin. I held my breath, tension rising as she circled for it. This had to be okay. She'd worked hard to find a way around her own desires, and I'd be nothing but a damned tease to say no now.
My air came in fast as her touch turned into a firm grip on my shoulder. I felt her weight shift, and I opened my eyes, surprised at the soothing blue the curtains made. I couldn't see any of Ivy but her hair. She was that close. God, what is she waiting for?
"Let me," she murmured, her lips brushing the sensitive skin under my ear, dropping lower, lower, as her head tilted, the blue light making a glint in her hair. I tensed at the sensation, heart pounding. Her hands slid lower, finding the small of my back. Leaning away, she stilled her fingers until our gazes met. "Let me…," she said again, utterly lost in what was to come.
I knew she wouldn't say the entire thing. Let me take this. Give this to me. Asking permission was so ingrained into living vampires that if she didn't, she would think she had blood-raped me even if I cut myself and bled into her mouth. I gazed into her pupil-black eyes, seeing her desperate need raw and unhidden instead of the impassive face she usually showed the world. A last strike of fear lit through me at the chance I was taking. A memory of her biting me almost to death in Kisten's van rose and fell. I could feel the tension in her where we touched: her right hand on my shoulder, her left at my back, one hip drifting close to mine. She wouldn't overstep the bounds and would keep the sex out of it. If she didn't, I'd be gone and she knew it. It was a cruel game she played with herself, but I think she hoped that if she waited long enough, I'd come to her.