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My eyes widened as I figured it out. "Like a demon," I said, and she nodded.
Oh God. My stomach hurt. The only way to get rid of it would be to trick people into taking it. Like a demon.
Ceri stood at my sink, the morning sun streaming about her making her look like a princess in jeans and a black and gold sweater. "It's a good option," she said, blowing at her tea to hasten its cooling. "I have too much imbalance to rid myself of it that way, but perhaps if I forayed into the ever-after and rescued people stolen and still in possession of their souls, they might take a hundred years of my imbalance in return for the chance to be free of the ever-after."
"Ceri," I protested, frightened, and she raised a soothing hand.
"I'm not going into the ever-after," she said. "But if the opportunity ever arose that I could help free someone, will you tell me?"
Ivy stirred, and Jenks interrupted her with a hot, "Rache is not going into the ever-after."
"He's right," I said, and I rose, my knees feeling weak. "I can't ask anyone to take the black I put on my soul. Just forget it." My fingers encircled the remainder of Jenks's potion and I headed for my dissolution vat. "I'm not a black witch."
Matalina heaved a sigh of relief, and even Jenks relaxed, his feet settling into a puddle of silver sparkles on the table, only to jerk upward when Ceri slammed her hand onto the counter. "You listen to me, and listen good!" she shouted, shocking me and making Ivy jerk. "I am not evil because I have a thousand years of demon smut on my soul!" she exclaimed, the tips of her hair trembling and her face flushed. "Every time you disturb reality, nature has to balance it out. The black on your soul isn't evil, it's a promise to make up for what you have done. It's a mark, not a death sentence. And you can get rid of it given time."
"Ceri, I'm sorry," I fumbled, but she wasn't listening.
"You're an ignorant, foolish, stupid witch," she berated, and I cringed, my grip tightening on the copper spell pot and feeling the anger from her like a whip. "Are you saying that because I carry the stink of demon magic, that I'm a bad person?"
"No…" I wedged in.
"That God will show no pity?" she said, green eyes flashing. "That because I made one mistake in fear that led to a thousand more, that I will burn in hell?"
"No. Ceri—" I took a step forward.
"My soul is black," she said, her fear showing in her suddenly pale cheeks. "I'll never be rid of it all before I die. I'll suffer for it, but it won't be because I'm a bad person but because I was a frightened one."
"That's why I don't want to do this," I pleaded.
She took a breath as if only now realizing she had been shouting. Closing her eyes, she seemed to steady herself. The anger had been reduced to a slow shimmer in the back of her green eyes when she opened them. Her usual mild countenance made it difficult to remember that she had once been royalty and accustomed to command.
Ivy took a wary sip of her coffee, her eyes never moving from Ceri. Kisten's shower went off, and the ensuing silence seemed loud.
"I'm sorry," Ceri said, head down, the sheet of her fair hair hiding her face. "I shouldn't have raised my voice."
I set the copper pot on the counter. "Don't worry about it," I said. "Like you said, I'm an ignorant witch."
Her smile was sour and showed a mild embarrassment. "No, you aren't. You can't know what you haven't been told." She ran her hands down her jeans, soothing herself. "Perhaps I'm more concerned than I want to admit about the payment I carry," she admitted. "Seeing you worry about one or two curses when I have several million on my soul made me—" She flushed delicately, and I wondered if her ears were a tiny bit pointed. "I was most unfair to you."
Her voice had acquired a noble cadence. Behind me, I heard Ivy cross her legs at her knees. "Forget it," I said, feeling cold.
"Rachel." Ceri hid her hands' trembling by clasping them. "The blackness these two curses carry is so small compared to the benefits that will come from it: Jenks safely journeying to help his son, you using a demon curse to Were so as to retain the title of David's alpha that you deserve. It would be more of a crime to let these things remain undone or slip away than to willingly accept the price to have them."
She touched the pot of remaining brew, and I eyed it with a sick feeling. I was not going to ask Jenks to finish it.
"Everything of value or strength has a price," she continued. "To let Jax and Nick continue to suffer because you were afraid makes you look…unconscionably timid."
Cowardly might be a better word, I thought, looking at Jenks and feeling ill, knowing that I had a curse inside me just waiting to be put into play—and I had done it to myself.
"I'll take the black for my curse," Jenks said abruptly, his face hard with determination.
From the table came Matalina's tiny hiccup, and I saw fear in her childlike features. She loved Jenks more than life itself. "No," I said. "You've only got a few years left to get rid of it. And it's my idea, my spell. My curse. I'll take it."
Jenks flew up in my face, his wings red and his face severe. "Shut up!" he shouted, and I jerked back so I could focus on him. "He's my son! I take the curse. I pay the price."
There was the sound of my bathroom door opening, and Kisten ambled into the kitchen, his shirt rumpled and with a sly smile. His hair was slicked back and his damp stubbled face caught the sun. He looked great, and he knew it. But his confidence faltered when he saw Ivy unhappy at her computer, Jenks and Matalina clearly distressed, me undoubtedly looking scared with my hands wrapped around my middle, and of course Ceri's exasperated expression as she once again found herself trying to convince the plebeians that she knew what was best for them.
"What did I miss?" he asked, going to the coffeemaker and pouring what was left into one of my oversized mugs.
Ivy pushed her chair out and looked sullen. "They're demon curses. It's going to leave a mark on Rachel's soul. Jenks is having second thoughts."
"I am not!" the small pixy shouted. "But I'll kiss a fairy's ass before I let Rachel pay the price for my curse."
Kisten slowly tucked his shirttails in and sipped his coffee. His eyes went everywhere, and he breathed deeply, absorbing the scents of the room and using them to read the situation.
"Jenks," I protested, then made a sound of defeat when he flew to the last of the potion and drank it, his throat moving as he gulped it down. Matalina dropped to the table, her wings unmoving. She was a small spot of brightness, looking more alone than I'd ever seen her while she watched her husband put his life in jeopardy for my safety and that of their son.
The kitchen was silent but for the sound of his kids in the garden when he belligerently dropped his pixy-sized cup into the spell pot with a dull clang.
"I guess that's it, then," I said, gathering myself and leaning so I could glimpse the clock above the sink. I didn't like this. Not at all.
Looking as if she was desperately trying not to cry, Matalina rubbed her wings together to make a piercing whistle, which gave us all of three seconds before what looked like Jenks's entire family flowed into the kitchen from the hallway. The sharp scent of ashes came in with them, and I realized they had come in down the chimney. "Out!" Jenks shouted. "I said you could watch from the door!"
In a swirl of Disney nightmare, his brood settled on the top of the door frame. Shrieks scraped the inside of my skull as they shoved each other, vying for the best vantage point. Ivy and Kisten cringed visibly, and Jenks made another whistle of admonishment. They obediently settled, whispering at my threshold of hearing. Ivy swore under her breath, her face taking on a dark cast. His tall stature graceful, Kisten crossed the kitchen to stand beside her, pouring half his coffee into her mug to try to pacify her. She wasn't at her best until at least sundown.