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And gods, there was no restraint or suppression of desire as I gripped the front of his tunic. Our tongues twined in a sensual dance as his sharp fangs grazed my lips. He kissed me as if it were just us, and for that fleeting moment, it truly was. But we weren’t alone. Bawdy whistles and raucous shouts pierced the air.
I laughed against his lips, my face warming.
“I think they liked that even more,” he said, folding his arms around me. As he held me, I swore the entire realm must have heard the cheers.
Closing my eyes, I rested my cheek against Ash’s chest and soaked in the sound. I really hadn’t known how today would go or what our reception would be. The possibilities had been endless. But I never expected this.
Though I probably should have. Most of those here knew that I had fought against the dakkais alongside Ash and had changed the landscape of the Shadowlands overnight. And I was, after all, the true Primal of Life, and Ash was beloved by his people. Of course, they would be ecstatic.
However, I’d never experienced anything like this in my entire life. I had not been known to my kingdom. I’d been nothing but a specter not fully formed yet drenched in blood. I wasn’t that here. I was seen. Welcomed. Known.
When I pulled away, I peeked over my shoulder. Nektas was watching us. He huffed with a shake of his large head as Saion approached us.
“Your face is so red,” Saion told me before addressing Ash. “The barrels of wine you had us bring are about to be rolled out.”
“Perfect.” Ash’s hand slid down the center of my back.
“This went really well,” I said as several soldiers began moving the large barrels out from the alcove of the colo
Saion smiled. “Of course, it did.”
Bele jogged down the dais steps, and something struck me as I looked over the mass of gods, godlings, and mortals. “No one is wearing masks like many did during the coronation.”
“There is no need,” Saion replied as the hum of string instruments reached my ears, the notes drifting through the air.
Faces blurred as I nodded. They hadn’t felt the need to conceal their identities, not just because there were no other Primals in attendance but because they felt safe. Gods, that meant more to me than the cheers or being known.
And I would do everything to ensure they never lost that sense of security.
I let out a slow breath as the beat of drums joined the melodic dance. The rhythm grew louder, infusing the coliseum with infectious energy as I found Bele in the crowd. All I had to do was follow the wave of bows as the masses parted for the Primal goddess. She joined Aios, who stood with a petite woman dressed in a hooded, white gown with long sleeves who surveyed the revelers in front of her. It was Erlina.
The once-Chosen now had her own life, one where she wasn’t subjected to the whims of another. I reminded myself that the others in Dalos and the other Courts would soon have that choice. Now, we just needed to meet with the Primals. Hopefully, that went as well as this had.
I wouldn’t bet on it, but I also wouldn’t dwell on it right now. There would be plenty of time for that tomorrow.
Nightmare.
Bars.
I was staring at bars made of gilded bones.
Soft material brushed against my legs as I staggered back a step, my feet sinking into soft fur. I looked down at the swath of ivory gauze and saw the darker pink tips of my breasts through the transparent garment.
“No.” My heart thudded heavily as my head jerked back around.
The golden chests.
The golden divan.
My head swung to the other side as pressure clamped down on my chest. I saw the large bed draped in gold blankets and white furs.
“I’m not here,” I whispered hoarsely, my gaze slowly tracking to the bedposts and the floor at the foot of the bed.
Chains.
The air I breathed thi
No. No. No.
This wasn’t real.
“I’m not here,” I repeated, closing my eyes. I wasn’t here. I’d escaped. I was free. I wasn’t here. I was safe.
Air stirred around me, raising the tiny hairs all over my body. Lilacs. I smelled stale lilacs.
“I have been so damn lonely, so’lis.”
Every part of my body went rigid at the sound of that summery voice. I’m not here. I held myself completely still, keeping my eyes tightly closed. I’m not here. I’m not—
Arms tightened around me like a vise, digging into my sides. Against my back, his heart pounded faster than mine.
“I just need to hold you,” Kolis pleaded.
“No,” I said—I know I said it. I felt the word rattle from my chest and claw at my throat. I felt my mouth move.
But I could no longer hear my voice.
I made no sound.
Nothing.
Suddenly, I wasn’t standing anymore. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, and I was in his lap, my feet dangling above the floor. That single word shook my chest again and scratched my throat. My mouth moved once more, but I still had no voice.
Sweltering heat bore down on me as my fingers splayed.
“That you would even speak his name,” he hissed in my ear.
No. No. No—
Fangs tore into my skin, sending a jolt coursing through my entire being.
I screamed the word now, and it came from the depths of my being. It cut up my throat and split my mouth but I heard only the sounds of his muffled moans as he drew harder and deeper on the wound. His mouth moved. His body shifted under mine, and…oh, gods, I could feel him—
“Liessa.” A voice of shadows and velvet pierced the golden cage.
I would know that voice anywhere.
“Ash,” I rasped, his name calming my heart and soothing my throat as my voice returned.
The bars before me disintegrated, and the chests and divan shattered into dust. The arms fell away from me, and the gown vanished…
“Wake up, Sera. Please.”
My eyes flew open with a jolt. I gulped in air. In the soft glow of the bedside table lamp, I saw silver streaked with eather, not gold-flecked eyes.
“It’s okay.” Ash was above me, a lock of chestnut hair hanging forward and brushing his jaw. “You had a nightmare.”
Just a nightmare? It hadn’t felt that way. I could still taste the fear and desperation in the back of my aching throat. Could he pick up on my emotions in dreams? Gods, that was an idiotic question. Of course, he could. I was probably projecting all over the bedchamber. And if I hadn’t been, I could’ve said something. My throat felt like I’d screamed.
Screamed—
Panic exploded, dousing my body in suffocating, red-hot flames. I opened my mouth, but only a thin, wheezing sound parted my lips. I needed air. Space. Anything. I jerked up, nearly knocking my head into Ash’s. A fist had my heart in its grip. My lungs clenched as my legs tangled in the blanket—
“Sera.” Ash caught my shoulders, stopping me from toppling off the bed. “Look at me.”
I strained against his hold, attempting to stand. “I can’t…get air…in.”
“I know, liessa. I’m going to help you. I just need you to look at me,” he said. “Please.”
My gaze flew to his.
His hands went to my cheeks, the feel of them cool against my too-hot skin. “Listen to me. You can breathe. You’re just breathing too fast. Understand?”
I nodded as my hands spasmed.
Ash smiled. “Remember what I taught you before? Close your mouth and put your tongue against the back of your teeth. Yes. Just like that.” His smile grew like a warm wind on a fall day. “Now, I need you to exhale nice and slow for the count of four. Can you do that?”
I nodded again, doing as he instructed.
“That’s it.” His eyes never left mine. “Now, you’re going to inhale for four seconds. I’ll count them. One. Two. Three. Four. Exhale now.”
Ash kept counting, lifting his chin on an inhale and lowering it on an exhale. His patience didn’t waver as the seconds turned to minutes. He stayed with me until my breathing slowed, and I was no longer gasping like a fish out of water.
Ash’s thumbs swept across my chin. “How are you feeling?”
“Okay,” I croaked, my face hot despite his cool touch. As my heart rate slowed, embarrassment rose. I closed my eyes. “I’m so—”
“Do not apologize for that.” Shifting, he pulled me between his legs and held me to his chest. “Do not ever apologize for that. You have no reason to, nor any reason to feel embarrassment.”
I pressed my cheek to his chest, not so sure about that. “I’m a Primal,” I whispered hoarsely.
“A newly Ascended Primal.”
“I’m still a grown-ass woman,” I countered.
Ash’s hand folded around the back of my head. “I don’t think age has anything to do with it.”
It should, because…seriously. How was I supposed to be the Queen of the Gods when a dumb nightmare could send me into a panic spiral? And why was I even having that nightmare? Again? It was…uncalled for.
I felt like a mess.
A hot, nauseous mess.
But I still relaxed into Ash’s embrace, letting the coolness of his body beat back the flush in mine. I didn’t know how much time passed before Ash tilted his head and pressed a kiss to my temple.
“You want to talk about it?” he asked.
Tension crept into my muscles. “Talk about what?”
He smoothed a hand down my back. “What you were dreaming about.”
I closed my eyes even tighter, seeing bursts of white stars, but I still saw what I had in my dream. A gilded cage full of gold and…Kolis.
I just need to hold you.
Throat drying, I pulled back. My hands dropped to my lap as my gaze fell on the balcony doors. The curtains were drawn open, revealing the dark night sky beyond. “I don’t remember what I was dreaming about.”
“Not a single detail?”
“No.” I forced a shrug. “Probably because it was nothing.”
“Nothing,” he whispered, watching me in a way that made it seem like he could see straight through me.
I nodded as I lay back down. “We should go back to sleep,” I said, pulling the blanket up. “Morning will be here soon.”
Ash didn’t respond, and he didn’t move as I rolled onto my side. After a few moments, I heard a click as he turned off the bedside lamp, plunging the chamber into darkness. The bed shifted as he reclined behind me, curling his arm around my waist. His lips brushed my shoulder, and then he settled. The tension didn’t leave his body, though.
It didn’t leave mine either as I stared into the darkness. Because I knew.
He didn’t believe me.