Страница 40 из 216
“We had one, but that season is months away,” he said as he briefly looked over his shoulder. “We’ll be encroaching upon winter.”
Stroking Reaver’s head, I remembered what he’d said about how the winters had once been full of snow, and while that would help fill the dried riverbeds, I doubted it would be enough. Plus, the grass would likely die again by then, this time naturally. Which meant we were months from seeing the Shadowlands truly come alive.
Disappointment filled me, even though there were far more important things to be concerned about. But seeing life return to the Shadowlands felt equally important. So much could happen between now and then. There was no guarantee that any of us would be in the right state of mind to enjoy the miracle of life returning. My chest tightened. Gods, there was no guarantee that any of those residing in the Shadowlands would even be here then.
Throat thickening, I looked at Ash, tracking the striking lines of his face. I wanted the residents of the Shadowlands to have that experience now. I wanted him to enjoy that beauty. But it felt like…more than that. As if there was another reason it was so important, but one I didn’t know.
Pressure immediately clamped down harder on my chest. The response was silly, but other than Aios, I hadn’t seen any of the other Shadowlands gods, and despite the honor they had shown me when they believed I was dying, I had no idea where I stood with most of them now. I hadn’t made the greatest first, second…or tenth impression with them. They would support me, but I was sure it was mostly because of their loyalty to Ash.
And it was more than just how they responded to me. I knew I was the Queen. I accepted that. But was I ready to behave as one?
“We don’t have to meet with them right now,” Ash offered, angling his body toward mine. “We can do it later tonight.”
A tiny part of me wanted to take him up on the offer, but that was cowardly. “I’m ready.”
Ash didn’t budge, so I pushed off the railing and went toward the doors on strangely weak legs. “I just need to find a comb and do something with this hair.”
Ash and Reaver followed. “They can come back later tonight or even tomorrow morning.”
“Just give me a moment to—” I squeaked in surprise as Ash appeared in front of me. “I’m so going to do that to you every chance I get,” I warned, trying to sidestep him.
“Looking forward to it,” he replied dryly. “We don’t have to meet with anyone right now.”
“I know.” I crossed my arms. “But I want to.”
Ash arched a brow.
“What?” I challenged as Reaver landed on the arm of the couch.
“I don’t think you realize how much you project.” He ignored the glare I shot him. “Your anxiety spiked.”
“My anxiety is always spiking.”
“It doesn’t need to be right now.” His eyes searched mine. “And you don’t need to be bothered right now.”
“It’s not a bother, Ash.”
Eather pulsed in his eyes. “We will have to disagree on that.”
“This is a responsibility.”
“One that can wait,” he argued.
“Ash.” I wrapped my hands around his arms. “I appreciate what you’re doing right now. I do. It’s sweet.” I stretched onto my tiptoes and kissed him. When I settled back on my feet, I saw that his eyes were now like pools of warm silver. “Not only am I ready to do this, I feel fine. But if I start to feel like I’m hiding, I won’t feel fine.”
“You’re not hiding.” His fingers trailed over my cheek. “I’m hiding you.”
“You’re hiding me because you don’t want me to get overwhelmed.”
“Damn straight.” His jaw hardened. “You’ve been through a lot, Sera. They can fucking wait.”
I stared at him for a moment, my heart feeling like it was turning to goo. “Gods, I love you. And honestly, if we didn’t have this meeting, I would throw myself at you.”
The streaks of eather whirled. “Meeting is canceled.”
“Reaver is right behind me,” I reminded him.
He dragged his teeth over his lower lip as his gaze dropped to my mouth. “He can join Jadis in terrorizing Bele.”
I laughed. “We’re going to have this meeting. We need to. Kolis may be holed up in his Court recovering, but he won’t stay that way for much longer. We can’t waste any time.”
Ash held my stare. “Fuck,” he muttered, his lashes lowering.
Knowing I had won, I smiled. “I just need to do something with my hair.” I waved in the general vicinity of my head. “I’m sure I look like a madwoman.”
Reaver made another low chuffing sound. Little brat.
“You look beautiful,” Ash replied. “But I’ll grab a brush.”
Before I could say anything, Ash disappeared into the bathing chamber and returned quickly, comb in hand. He gestured to one of the chairs. “Sit.”
“Are you sure you want to do this?” I asked as I went to one of the dining chairs and sat. Reaver followed, taking up position once more by my legs. “It’s a real pain to untangle.”
As Ash carefully worked the comb through the curls and waves, holding the strands above the comb so my head didn’t jerk, I felt Reaver rest his head on my knee. I reached down and gave the back of his neck a scratch. A soft purring sound radiated from him. “You like that, Reaver-butt?”
His vivid blue eyes closed, and he let out a happy little trilling sound. I smiled at his reaction to his nickname, relieved to see him in a better headspace than last night.
My eyes drifted shut as Ash quickly and painlessly freed the tangles. He was far gentler than I was with my hair, and there was something incredibly soothing about him combing it. I practically tore the thing through the strands, impatient and a
“You know,” I said, opening my eyes, “for a Primal of Death, you’re really good at getting the knots out of my hair.”
“It’s another of my hidden talents.” Tossing the comb onto the table, he divided the strands into sections and quickly braided the length, tying it off with one of the remaining hair bands. “As is braiding hair.”
“I like your diverse skill set.”
Chuckling, he pulled on the braid, tugging my head back, then bent to drop a kiss on my lips. “Ready?”
I stood, glancing in the direction of the adjoining chamber. Tiny balls of anxiety started bouncing in my stomach, but I squashed them before Ash absolutely refused to hold the meeting.
Reaver sank back onto his haunches and then pushed into the air, rapidly moving his wings until he rose and was at my shoulder. It still blew my mind how the draken switched forms, changing their entire body shape. What did it feel like when Ash shifted into the silver wolf? I hadn’t asked him—
I jerked to a stop. “Cave cat.”
“What?” Ash halted in the arched doorway, turning to face me.
“I had a dream while in stasis.” I pressed a hand to my chest as I stared up at him. “It was right before I woke up. I was at my lake, and I saw a cave cat standing on the shore—a silver cave cat.” I’d seen something else but couldn’t focus on the memory long enough to remember what. My heart thundered. “All Primals have…what is it called? A nota? An animal they can transform into. Right?”
Ash squinted. “Yes.”
“Okay, so when I saw the cave cat, she felt like me,” I told him. “Like I was looking at myself. Could that mean I can…?” It was almost too impossible to say. “Can I shift into a cave cat?”
“I don’t remember seeing anything like that during stasis, but it could mean that,” he said. “It usually takes time for a Primal’s first shift into their nota. Took me about a year or so before I could. You will likely be different, though.”
So many things ran through my mind as Reaver circled me, and I blurted out what had to be the weirdest and possibly the most idiotic one, “Hopefully, we’ll still get along in our nota forms.”
His dark brows pulled together as Reaver’s head swung toward me. “Come again?”
“I mean, with you being a wolf and me being a very large cave cat,” I explained. “It’s like cats and dogs, right? And I know a wolf isn’t a dog, but still.”
Ash’s lips parted into a faint grin as his silver gaze gleamed. “The things that go through your mind must be a constant source of entertainment.”
My eyes became thin slits as I fixed a piercing stare on him. “Then I assume I’ll be just as irritated with you in that form as I am in this one.”
That grin kicked up a notch, revealing a hint of fang. “Yes.”
“Whatever,” I muttered as that low chuffing sound came from Reaver again. “How do I shift?”
“You just will it to happen and—” Ash shot forward, cupping the nape of my neck. “Fates, Sera, do not will it to happen right now. For one thing, I don’t know if you’ll be able to, but on the off chance you can, it wouldn’t be wise for you to do so now if you plan to meet with the others.”
My lips pursed. “I wasn’t going to will it to happen.”
Ash arched a brow. “Liessa…”
“Okay.” I sighed, rolling my eyes. “Maybe I was going to. I would’ve switched right back, though.”
“Yeah, it doesn’t always work that way the first time.” He swiped his thumb across my bottom lip, sending a charge of energy through me. “The transformation can be…overpowering.”
“And exactly what does that mean?” I asked. “Does it hurt?”
“The first time your body changes shape and form can be uncomfortable.”
My heart tripped over itself. “Well, that’s the first thing I’ve heard about shifting forms that actually makes sense.”
“That’s not all,” he said softly. “The nota is strong, and it will want to take over. When you first do it, it can be difficult to pull yourself out of it.”
I swallowed. “That sounds ominous.”
“It’s really not. You won’t get stuck in that form,” he assured me, dropping his hand, “you just need time to go through the motions.”
“And we don’t have that time right now.”
“Clearly,” he remarked dryly.
“Smart-ass.” I gave him a light shove.
He chuckled and said to Reaver. “I remember a time when you would’ve attempted to light someone on fire for even thinking of offending me.”
“Sorry,” I said, smiling broadly as the draken lifted his wings, keeping himself in the air. “He’s my Reaver-butt now.”
Reaver chirped his agreement.
“That’s okay.” Ash smiled. “My fangs are still substantially more impressive than yours.”
“I’m debating kicking you, just so you know,” I warned him, even though I thoroughly enjoyed his teasing.
Because, gods, I hadn’t realized how badly I’d missed the side of him I’d seen in the mortal realm when he was just Ash, and I was—