Born of Blood and Ash

CHAPTER FIFTY-NINE

The hem of the velvety robe swished around my slippered feet as I paced the bedroom. Holland hadn’t returned by late evening, and I kept telling myself that I didn’t need to be worried about that. Kolis was the type to purposely delay agreeing to meet with us just to convince himself he had the upper hand. I was nervous about how things would go down, but it wasn’t the only thing that eventually drove me from the bedchamber.

Ash had left after di

I was worried about him.

Learning that your mother’s soul wasn’t completely destroyed was good news—happy news—but it was also a lot to take in. To process. And he’d been quiet ever since Holland left.

I willed my heart to slow as I went down the staircase. It had been pounding on and off all evening, and I didn’t think that was good for the babes.

As I neared the second floor, I decided to check in on Lailah really quick. Aios had awakened this afternoon and immediately wanted to go to Kithreia to inspect its current state, but it wasn’t safe for her to do so yet. Phanos’s ships had moved toward Dalos, but that was still too close, and our forces wouldn’t have arrived yet. Instead, she had left for Sirta, and despite knowing that Bele would keep her safe while she was in a vulnerable state, I hadn’t wanted her to go. Bele’s Court was also at risk if Phanos went after her.

Our armies were rapidly thi

No wonder my heart kept racing.

Exhaling roughly, I walked the second-floor hall, picking up on Attes’s presence. I stopped for a moment and then forged on. Quietly, I cracked open the door.

Lailah rested on the bed, her mass of tight braids lying on a chest that rose and fell steadily. My gaze shifted to the Primal sitting at her side.

Attes sat with his feet resting on the edge of the bed, slumped a little in the armchair, sandy-brown waves tumbling over his forehead and cheeks. He looked asleep. I started to close the door.

“You’re not going to say hello?” Attes said without looking up, the tone of his voice flatter than it had been when I saw him earlier.

I stopped. “I thought you were sleeping.”

“Nah.” Attes lifted his head then. His scar stood out starkly against his paler-than-normal skin. “I’m just meditating. Never tried it before. Thought now was as good a time as ever.”

I arched a brow. “How’s that working out for you?”

“Not particularly well.” One side of his lips curved up. There was no hint of a dimple. The grin was empty. “The whiskey I tried to take from your husband’s office would’ve probably helped, but instead, I was lectured by a Primal significantly younger than me that the last thing I needed was to drink myself into a stupor.”

I probably wouldn’t have stopped Attes, but then again, I had a history of not making the greatest life choices. “Have you slept at all?”

He shifted in the chair, draping an arm over the back. “Yeah.”

I had a feeling he was lying. “Have you eaten? Fed?”

A soft laugh rumbled from him. “I’m fine, Sera.”

“No, you’re not,” I said, and his gaze finally met mine. “I don’t expect you to be. No one would.”

He stared at me for a long moment. “You sound like Nyktos.”

“If he said something like that, he was speaking the truth.” I leaned against the doorframe. “I’m sorry, Attes.”

Thick lashes lowered. “So am I.”

Neither of us said anything for several moments. We both just watched Lailah, which I doubted she would be too happy to discover if she woke up. It was Attes who ended the silence.

“It’s not like I didn’t know what he had become.” There was a roughness to his voice now, and as much as hearing that made my chest ache, it was better than the flatness. “Or that I held on to any hope that he could be saved. I accepted he couldn’t. Knew the Kyn I grew up with and loved was long gone. But you know what I saw in the seconds before I…before I ended him?”

“What?” I whispered.

“I saw the Kyn who sat beside me after my children were killed. Who was there for me when I felt like my world had been destroyed.” His head tipped back, and his gaze went to the ceiling. “That’s the Kyn I keep seeing.”

“Maybe…maybe that’s the Kyn you should remember and mourn,” I said.

“But is that right? Considering everything he’s done?”

“He was still your brother, and you still had good times with him.” I lifted a shoulder, searching for something that felt like the right thing to say. “How he turned out doesn’t erase who he once was.”

Now, it was Attes who raised a brow as he looked at me. “You really believe the shit you’re saying?”

“Well, not for me. I only knew him as the asshole he was,” I admitted, and a wry grin tugged at his lips. “But regarding you and what you know? Yeah, I believe it.”

Attes seemed to consider that, then nodded. “I guess I should be thankful for his attack. Because of him, we now have enough Ancient bones.”

Ash, Nektas, Aurelia, and apparently Attes, had raided Kyn’s palace last night with success. “We do.”

“I’m guessing your Fate hasn’t returned yet?”

“No.” I straightened, feeling the ball of anxiety growing.

“Phanos will try to talk Kolis out of it. So will Varus,” Attes said, referencing the once-entombed god I had yet to see. A muscle ticked in his jaw. “But Kolis won’t listen to them. He will agree. Sotoria is his weakness. He’ll risk anything while ignoring common sense and every red flag to get her.”

“That’s what we’re counting on.” I thought of something as my gaze moved from him to Lailah. “If Sotoria chooses to be reborn, will you still go into stasis?”

“Yes,” he said without hesitation. “I have to, Sera. If I don’t, I wouldn’t be in a good headspace to even be around her. If she retains her memories, I wouldn’t be the Attes she remembers. And that’s…” He sighed heavily. “That’s the last thing she’d need. And if she chooses to be reborn, I want her life to be happy. To be good. She deserves that.”

“But you love her,” I whispered.

Attes nodded. “And that is why I will be in stasis.”

Heart twisting, I drew in a breath that stung. To give up the possibility of being with someone just to make sure there was no chance you would disappoint or cause them harm? And he would be giving up that opportunity. I doubted a mortal’s lifespan was enough time in stasis for it to be of any real help. That was true love.

My gaze shifted back to the sleeping Primal goddess. “Do you love Lailah?”

Attes was quiet for so long, I didn’t think he’d answer. When he did, he did so with a question. “Do you think it’s possible to love two people at the same time?”

I thought about it. “I think it depends on the person. Not everyone would be able to, but some could. And probably do.”

His gaze flickered to mine before returning to Lailah. “I agree with that.”

That wasn’t an answer.

But it also was.

Saying goodnight, I closed the door. As I started down the hall, I wished I could’ve said something to help Attes with his grief, but I knew there really wasn’t anything I could say that would heal those deep wounds. They were like mine. Only time would mend them, I supposed. At least, I hoped.

My heart was even heavier, those emotions mixing with the agitation as my pace quickened in my search for Ash, my slippers whispering over the stone. I could’ve just waited for him to return to our chambers. Or, at the very least, put on something other than a robe since I wore nothing but a thin nightgown underneath. But I wanted to make sure he was okay, and, well, I was feeling rather…needy.

I hoped he was alone. I wanted some time with him before we barreled forward with our plans. A few moments where I could be Sera and not a Queen. Or the Primal of Life. Or even a fighter. Where we weren’t on the verge of coming face-to-face with Kolis. I wanted time where I didn’t have to be strong.

Luckily, the foyer was empty. I let my instincts guide me past the hall leading to his office and to the guarded doors of the throne room. What was he doing in there? The guards bowed as they opened the door for me.

“Thank you,” I said, stepping into the dimly lit space.

Only a few of the candles on the walls burned, and it was too overcast for much starlight to come in through the open ceiling, but I immediately saw Ash. He stood on the dais near the thrones. A flutter erupted in my chest, easing the heaviness there as his gaze locked with mine.

“What are you doing in here?” I asked, starting toward him.

“Thinking,” he said, crossing his arms. “Has Lailah awakened yet?”

“No.” I passed the empty benches. “But I imagine she will soon.”

His gaze tracked my approach with a predatory glint that brought a flush to my skin.

“I saw Attes,” I told him. “Since he wasn’t allowed to have whiskey, he’s with her.”

Ash snorted. “If he had the whiskey, the only difference would be that he’d be drunk off his ass while in her chambers.”

I climbed the steps. “Probably.”

“It will do him some good,” he said after a moment. “Being near her, that is.”

I raised a brow, thinking that was the first time he didn’t have something caustic to say about Attes’s interest in Lailah. “Hopefully Theon feels the same.”

A half-grin pulled at his lips. “I think he will, just this once.”

“So, what were you thinking about?” I asked as he opened his arms to me. I stepped into his embrace, resting my hands on his dark-gray tunic. The moment one of his arms came around me, the racing of my heart slowed, and that anxious knot of energy loosened. The effect he had on me was nothing short of magical.

He buried his hand in the hair above my braid. “Our children.”

My brows flew up. I had thought he’d say something about his mother. “I wasn’t expecting that answer.”

Another grin appeared, but this one was almost…shy. “I wasn’t really expecting to be thinking about that myself. It didn’t start off that way. When I wandered in here, I was thinking about my mother and how she is now with my father. I still can’t believe it.”

“It’s hard to believe,” I said, rubbing his chest.

“I didn’t know the Fates could do something like that.” He gave a short laugh. “Obviously, I forgot how powerful they are.”

If he only knew…

“Learning about your mom is a lot to process,” I told him.