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CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR
I took a deep breath. “Ash,” I began as, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Nektas quietly creeping toward the doors. “Me being pregnant ca
A muscle began ticking in his jaw as he stared up at me.
“Nor does it change that Kolis needs to be dealt with,” I continued. “And we have very limited time before he comes out of stasis, which could happen at any minute. And the last thing we need is Kolis finding out…”
Gods, I couldn’t finish that thought.
All the flesh visible on Ash’s body briefly turned to midnight. “That will never happen,” he snarled. “But you’re right. Kolis still needs to be dealt with, and he will be. However, that doesn’t and won’t involve you.”
I bristled. “Excuse me?”
“The last thing you need to be involved in, in your current condition—”
“My condition?” I interrupted softly.
“Oh, dear,” murmured Nektas.
“Is to be anywhere near Kolis or any of his supporters.” Ash continued like I hadn’t spoken. “Nor should you even be thinking about leaving the Shadowlands. Kolis will not step foot here, and you’re surrounded by guards and an army.”
I drew in another breath, reminding myself that this was coming from a good place. Ash was being protective. “I understand why you feel this way—”
“Glad we’re on the same page.” A half-smile appeared.
“We are so not on the same page, Ash.”
Wisps of eather swirled in his eyes. “You are carrying our children, Sera. You are in a vulnerable state, and I will not risk losing you or them.”
“You are not going to lose me or them. I’m pregnant, Ash. Not unable to defend myself or fight,” I argued.
“The Healer said you are in a weakened state and should avoid using the essence.”
“Perhaps if you had spent the time listening to Kye instead of growling at him, you would’ve heard him say that was a concern for when I enter the third trimester,” I pointed out. “And in case you’re having difficulty with basic math, that’s like many weeks from now.”
The eather moved more wildly in his eyes. “I heard him perfectly clear. Things are more dangerous for you in the third trimester. That does not mean things are safe for you now.” His head cut toward Nektas. “Where are you going?”
Nektas stopped with a hand on the doorknob. “Anywhere but here.”
Ash’s expression turned bland. “Before you do that, it would be great if you’d tell my lovely, far-too-brave wife that I’m right.”
The draken opened his mouth.
“He is not going to agree with you,” I insisted.
Ash arched a brow. “Considering that Nektas is intelligent, I am sure he will.”
“And I’m sure that since he’s so intelligent, he knows exactly what must be done and that it involves my participation.”
“I think you’re going to be disappointed.”
I stepped toward the bed. “I think you’re about to be kicked off that bed.”
His lips curved up, revealing the tip of a fang. “Sounds like a good time.”
“Oh, I can promise you it will not be a good time for you.”
“If I may speak?” Nektas started.
“Yes,” Ash said.
“No,” I snapped.
Nektas sighed. “Ash, you’re right.”
Ash’s smile was smug when I muttered, “You were my favorite draken.”
“I’m going to ignore that,” Nektas continued. “Because you are also right.”
Ash’s lips compressed into a thin line.
“And you two need to figure out what that means.” Nektas opened the door. “I’ll be waiting downstairs.”
I watched the doors close, my foot tapping.
“Liessa.”
“Don’t call me that.”
Ash sat up. “You love it when I call you that.”
“Not right now.” I squared my shoulders. “Look, I get why you don’t want me endangering the babes.”
“It’s not just them.” Ash rose swiftly, stalking past me. “It is also you. We already know they are pulling on your essence. The evidence of that is still on your throat.”
I turned as he went to the small table and picked up the water pitcher. “I can’t deny that, but it doesn’t change what needs to be done,” I said.
“Not to sound repetitive, but it changes everything.” He poured two glasses. “We can still Ascend Ione but have her come here. The other gods can also be Ascended.”
“So, that’s the plan?” I asked.
“Part of it.”
“I’m sure I can guess the rest of this really well-thought-out plan full of problems.” I tried to quell my anger. “Ione will be out of it after I Ascend her, which means she will be here, with no one in her Court.”
He set the pitcher down. “We can send guards there.”
“Guards that none of the gods in her Court are familiar with,” I reasoned. “She needs to be in her Court with people both Keella and she trusts, which means I need to do what is expected of the true Primal of Life.” I stared at his back. “And you need to be okay with that.”
The hand at his side fisted. “Me being okay with you endangering yourself and our children is impossible.”
“Then you need to not stand in my way and deal with it,” I told him. “Because the only thing that is truly a danger to me is Kolis.”
He faced me, the flesh along his jaw and cheekbones mottled with shadows. “I will handle him.”
“You ca
He came forward and handed me a glass. The scent of strawberries reached me. “One of those reasons should be because I am willing to do anything to protect you and our children.”
“It is,” I insisted. “And, admittedly, you doing the growly thing was a little hot.”
Ash smirked as he lifted his glass. “Knew it.”
“But also a
Ash huffed. “I will not get myself killed.”
“I know you will do everything possible to ensure that doesn’t happen, but I also know Kolis will take the first chance he gets to kill you, and he can do it.” My chest seized with real fear, and I didn’t stop myself from feeling it. I wanted Ash to pick up on it, and I knew he did because he inhaled sharply, and the shadows deepened in his flesh. “You felt that?”
Ash said nothing.
“I know you did.” My grip tightened on the glass. “The idea of you going after Kolis—going after any of the Primals without me—is terrifying. And yes, we can worry about the risks I’m taking, but what about the risks you’re taking? What do you think you being injured or worse would do to me? To the lives I carry inside me? I ca
“You will not lose me.” He clasped the back of my head with his free hand. “Never.”
“Do you promise?”
“With every breath I take and every beat of my heart,” he swore.
“Then to honor that, you know what must be done,” I reasoned. “I need to fight beside you. And I need you to support that because you will not stop me from doing so.”
The air around us dropped several degrees and charged, but I held his stare. “I don’t want us to fight. Neither of us needs that. We need to stand together against Kolis. Not separate. I don’t need you to want this. I need you to understand that this is how we ensure we have a future with our children.”
Ash cursed and dropped his hand. He stepped back, the energy ramping up within him, stoking the eather inside me. “You know, I thought you asking me to take you to your lake was the hardest thing that would ever be asked of me.” He turned fast and sharp, throwing his drink at the wall. The glass shattered, raining water and shards across the floor. “I was wrong.”
My heart twisted and ached as I lifted my gaze from the mess to his rigid back. Wisps of eather drifted from his shoulders.
“You asking me to end your life was a nightmare made real,” he said, his voice thin and icy. “But this…”
“This is not worse.” I set my glass on the nightstand. “This is just reality.” I walked toward him. “I’m sorry, Ash. I wish we didn’t even need to have this conversation. I wish things were different. I want things to be different for us. I want to spend being pregnant worrying about being a good mother or how painful birth will be. I don’t want to spend it worrying about what new horrific act Kolis will commit—and that is if I’m lucky. Because if we’re not? It’s over. It’s all over. I will lose control. I will take Kolis out or die trying—”
“Don’t speak of dying,” Ash said, whipping toward me. His eyes were wide and full of pure, wild eather. “Don’t.”
“Then don’t make me fear that,” I whispered. He started to turn from me, but I caught him before he could, curling my fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck. “Please.”
A shudder went through Ash as he stepped into me, folding an arm around my waist. “Do you have any idea how hard this will be for me?” He pulled me to his chest. “When every instinct in me demands that I do everything possible to keep you safe?” He curled his other arm around my shoulders. “But I know you know how it feels. The only difference is that you are willing to face it head-on, and I’m trying to do everything to prevent it.”
I held him even tighter than he embraced me. “I think we just show our love in different ways.”
A rough chuckle stirred the hair on the top of my head. A moment passed. “Exactly how mad would you be if I locked you in this chamber?”
“I’m not even going to take that question seriously.” I rubbed my nose and cheek against his chest. “We just need to be careful.”
“You need to be careful, liessa,” he corrected. “For both of us to do what needs to be done, it’s going to be just as hard on you as it is on me. I have to allow you to fight, and you’ll need to allow me to put myself in front of you. You’re going to have to pull back and not rush into battles.”
“I never rush into battles.”
“Sera.”
“What?”
“You’re a terrible liar and that has not changed.”
I pressed my forehead to his chest. “Whatever.”
“I will do everything not to hold you back, but you also have to meet me halfway on this. It is the one time I will ask you to be less brave.” His fingers delved into the hair above my braid. “And I can already feel how much you hate that.”
I closed my eyes. He was right. I did hate the truth of what he said.
He tilted my head back so our eyes met. “But if we’re both going to do this, you need to promise me you won’t take any chances.”