Born of Blood and Ash

Her question surprised me, and it took me a moment to answer. “I love him with everything I have in me.”

She nodded, her gaze skittering over my face, and I wondered if she saw any of herself in me. Or if she only saw my father.

“I didn’t mean to…upset you earlier when I asked what you were. Seeing you was a surprise. Seeing what you can do was a shock. I know that is no excuse,” she went on quickly. “And I also know that how I treated you was not right.”

“If you’re attempting to apologize, it’s not necessary,” I said. “Or needed.”

“But it is.”

“For you?”

“No.” She held my stare. “For you.”

Shaking my head, I started to turn away.

“I wasn’t a terrible mother to you,” she said. “I wasn’t a mother at all.”

Halting, I slowly turned back to her.

“You grew up without a mother, even though I was under the same roof.” Her lower lip trembled and then ceased. “I wish it had been different. That I had been better. Paid attention. Spent time with you. I just—” She cut herself off, her shoulders tensing. “It doesn’t matter why.”

But it did, didn’t it? Yes, and no.

Her gaze flicked to the lit gardens. “When I believed you had died, all I felt was anger. Not at you, but at me.” Her chin lifted a notch. “I just want you to know that.”

I eyed her, unsure if she spoke the truth. If I wanted to, I could look into her soul like I had done with Eamon, the guard, but I resisted doing so. It wouldn’t tell me if she was being truthful or attempting to get into my good graces now that I was the true Primal of Life, but…

“Why did you name me after the Queen of the Vodina Isles?”

Her gaze cut back to mine. “How…?”

“It doesn’t matter how,” I said. “Only why.”

She stared at me for several moments, then blinked. “Your father. He told me about the deal before we married. He wanted to give me a chance to back out, but I was already so very much in love with him.” Her voice cracked, and she inhaled sharply. “Most would not have shared what he did, but he was a good man. Caring. Thoughtful. Loyal. You have all his good traits.” She blinked several more times, and I felt the air leave my lungs. “I knew what I was agreeing to if we had a daughter. Like a child, I hoped that we would not, but that was not what fate had in store for us.” She swallowed again.

“When I held you, you didn’t cry. You just looked up at me with your father’s eyes, and I knew what you would face. I knew—or at least I believed—how it would end for you. You would need to be strong, tenacious, and even vicious to succeed. Just like the warrior Queen—the Silver Knight—who fought beside her King and slayed her enemies.” Her fingers fluttered to the jewel at her neck. “I thought it would be a fitting name.”

It was.

In more ways than one.

I tipped my head back, seeing the gold veining in the ceiling. Gods, I didn’t know what to say or how to even feel. I wanted to let it go like I had with Ezra, but my mother was different.

However, I was also different now.

“I get it,” I said, closing my eyes. “On some level, I get why you were the way you were. The deal. My father.” Lowering my chin, I opened my eyes and met her stare. “But I don’t know if I can ever forget all of that.”

“I know,” she whispered.

The back of my throat stung, and what I admitted to her next shocked me. “But I…I don’t think I would have survived all I have—and, gods, it has been a lot,”—my voice broke as my thoughts flashed to Kolis and then Tavius—“if I only had my father’s traits. They didn’t get me through any of it. My stubbor

My mother had gone completely still and silent.

“I’m not sure what that says or even means at the end of the day, but I…I would like to be able to forget. To let it all go,” I said. And, gods, the truth I spoke did something miraculous. A little bit of the weight that was always on my chest lifted. I took a deeper breath. “I don’t know much about my father and would like to learn more. Perhaps you can tell me about him when I return.”

The former Queen of Lasania—the last Princess of the Vodina Isles, my mother—didn’t hesitate. “I would like that,” she said. “I would like that very much.”