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I swallowed, but a knot formed in my throat anyway. “How…?”
“Attes cleaved it from his bone spear,” he said. “And yes, he agreed to do it without me having to punch him.”
A shaky laugh escaped me as I stared down at the dagger. The blade wasn’t bare. Carefully chiseled into the bone with meticulous attention to detail in each stroke of fur and curve of ear was a wolf, its jaws open, baring teeth and breathing fire.
“He…he made this?” I asked, the piece of art blurring.
“He did,” Ash said. “Carvings and all. I asked him if he could the last time he was here.”
Wonder filled me as I shook my head. “Wow.”
He caught a stray curl and tucked it behind my ear. “I thought this one would be more personalized and symbolic.” His fingers lingered for a moment and then glided down my arm. “You’re the hand that wields the blade.”
My breath snagged. “‘A silver beast with blood seeping from its jaws of fire…’”
“‘Bathed in the flames of the brightest moon,’” he finished, his head tilting slightly. “Are you all right?”
Sucking in a shallow breath, I blinked several times. “Yes. It’s so beautiful, and I’m just…” I struggled to contain the riot of emotions building in me. “I don’t remember if I told you this or not, but I was never given gifts. Not during the Rites or for my birthday. It didn’t bother me before—or at least that was what I told myself.”
Ash had fallen silent as I spoke. I cleared my throat. “It seemed silly to feel bad about not getting gifts when so many people went to bed with empty bellies and no roofs over their heads, but I did care. Not because I wanted things. I just wanted to…”
“You wanted to be thought of,” he said.
I nodded, feeling my chest squeeze. “The shadowstone dagger you gave me before was my first gift. It will always be special to me.” Our eyes met. “Just as this one will be. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” He dipped his head and kissed me. When his mouth lifted, he rested his head on mine. “Have I told you today how much I loathe your mother?”
“Not today.”
Ash was quiet for a moment. “Do you think you will see her later?”
“I…I don’t know. It all depends on if she is with Ezra.”
“And if she isn’t?” he asked. “Will you look for her?”
“I’m not sure.” Things were complicated between my mother and me. I hoped we could maybe repair our relationship someday, but Ash’s anger on my behalf went a long way to healing some of those long-festering wounds. Maybe that was a little messed up, but it was true. And it also made me want to be better—better at being Queen, the Primal of Life…at everything. But most importantly, his wife. His partner. I knew where to start. Well, I knew several ways to start.
“I promise I won’t throw this one at you,” I swore.
Ash let out a loud and deep laugh. “I don’t know if I should be pleased or disappointed to hear that.”
Careful not to touch the bone, I slid the dagger back into its sheath and put it and the wooden box on the table before turning to him. My heart was pounding even faster. “Do you need to feed?”
Thick lashes lowered. “No, liessa.”
The same messy mix of relief and disappointment hit me, leaving me feeling as if my skin was too tight. “Are you sure?”
“I am.”
I clasped his cheeks. His skin was cool but didn’t feel as cold as before. “Is it my imagination again, or does your skin not feel as cold?”
“It’s not your imagination.” Turning his head, he kissed my palm. “It’s just my blood regenerating.”
My brows knitted. “That’s faster than normal.”
“I believe it’s because of you rising as the true Primal of Life,” he explained. “The essence is already strengthening in me.”
Which meant it was already strengthening in the other Primals. Including Kolis.
There wasn’t much time to dwell on the realization that the Primals were all strengthening. Rhain and Nektas joined us soon after.
The god didn’t look all that thrilled by the news of where I was headed. I knew he was thinking about what had happened the last time we’d left for the mortal realm.
“I won’t be gone long,” I assured Rhain like I had last night with Ash.
He nodded from where he stood by the doors, his arms crossed.
“And I promise I won’t get into any fights,” I added, seeking to ease his obvious concern. “Or even tell anyone who I am now.”
“Liessa,” Ash drawled. “Any mortal who crosses paths with you will know.”
“Because they will sense it?” I figured.
“That,”—his lips twitched—“and your eyes.”
I frowned. “Oh, yeah.”
“Did you forget about that?”
“No.” I laughed.
Ash arched a brow.
“I didn’t. Anyway…” I drew out the word. “Are we traveling to the gateway?”
“You’re a Primal now.” Ash tucked the same curl behind my ear. “You don’t need to use the gateways. You can shadowstep.”
“Oh.” I smoothed my hands over my hips, suddenly nervous. My right hand moved lower, brushing over the hilt of the bone dagger. Ash had found a thigh sheath for me. Touching the grip calmed me a little. “Like when I shadowstepped into Vathi?”
“Wait.” Nektas stepped forward, his brow furrowed. “This will only be your second time shadowstepping?”
I folded my arms. “Maybe.”
“It’s easy,” Ash said.
“More like it’s going to be interesting,” Nektas remarked.
“Well, that’s really helpful.” I saw Rhain’s lips split into a grin, and my eyes narrowed on the god.
“You know what to do,” Ash began. “All you have to do is focus.”
“Good luck with that,” Rhain said.
“You know,”—I started turning toward him—“your presence here isn’t really necessary—”
“You will focus,” Ash repeated, curling his fingers around my chin and guiding my gaze back to his. “And think of where you want to go. Then will yourself there.”
“I know.”
Ash’s chin dipped. “Just don’t overthink it.”
“I’m not.”
“Liessa,” he murmured.
“Whatever.” I exhaled loudly, trying to shake off the nerves. “I know what to do. Will it and get it.”
Ash nodded. “Coming back is no different.” His gaze swept over my features. “It should only take you seconds.”
I nodded, trying to shake off the nerves. I knew what to do. I understood how moving between the realms worked, but shadowstepping into the mortal realm felt vastly different than stepping into Vathi. And yeah, I hadn’t thought about doing it when I went to Vathi. I just did it. Now, I had to think about it, and the damn draken wasn’t helping.
“Why did Nektas say this should be interesting if it’s so easy and we’re basically just moving super-fast?”
Ash shot a glare over my head. “Because he was being an ass.”
“True,” the draken replied.
“Ignore him.” Ash sent Nektas one last look of warning before cupping my cheeks. “Think of someplace within the grounds of the palace. That way, you won’t have to worry about getting past any guards.” His eyes searched mine. “Okay?”
“Okay.”
“You’ve got this.” Ash held my gaze for a moment longer, then his lips met mine. The kiss was soft and infinitely tender. It was a kiss of sweet devotion.
He pressed his forehead to mine. “I’ll be waiting.”
“I know,” I whispered, stepping back as he let go.
I turned to Nektas and took a deep breath, holding it for five seconds. “You ready?”
The draken raised a brow. “Are you?”
“Yes.”
Nektas lifted his hands for me to take. Feeling his slightly rough, warm palms against mine, I thought of the one place I knew I could conjure up a realistic image of.
The garden.
I pictured the silvery green bushes with their purplish-blue spikes and the stone bench before them. Nepeta blue, my mother had called them.
The flowers my father had favored.
Holding on to that image, I summoned the eather. It rose in a hot rush and spread throughout my entire body. I took another shallow breath and then willed us to Wayfair Palace’s gardens.