A shadow in the ember

Chapter 9

Fractured sunlight streamed through the thickly branched elms as I walked through the forest toward the lake. What I had done to Nor threatened to haunt each step. I felt nothing with just a little bit of…something.

Something I didn’t like.

Something I didn’t want to think about.

I pictured the smile of relief on Nate’s face, how toothy and contagious it had been when he saw his sister waiting for him at the orphanage along the Cliffs of Sorrow. I tried to use that to replace the image of his father’s shocked, wide eyes. I thought of the joyous rush the boy made toward his sister. I watched through the carriage window instead of dwelling on the utter lack of remorse I felt for ending a man’s life.

Or I tried to, at least. My stomach gave another sharp twist as I passed the musky-scented wildflowers growing into thick bushes at the base of the elms. What is wrong with you? My voice echoed in my thoughts, over and over. Something had to be, right? My palms dampened, and I carefully made my way over the branches that had fallen, and the sharp rocks hidden under the foliage—hidden just like the wake of death I was leaving behind.

Something beautiful and powerful…

I didn’t feel like either of those things.

Two mortals had come for me since the night I’d failed, having learned my identity and thinking to use it to gain whatever they wanted. There were three more, including Nor, that had met death at the end of my blade. None of them were good people. They were all as unworthy as I was. Abusers. Murderers. Rapists. Death would’ve found them eventually. Five had died by my hand on the orders of my mother, and they didn’t include the Vodina Isles Lords. Fourteen. I had ended fourteen lives.

What is wrong with you?

My stomach churned again, and I blew out a ragged breath. Barely any sunlight penetrated this deep into the forest, and it was slightly cooler here, but my skin was sticky like those wood floors in that chamber. Tacky with sweat and blood. I was half tempted to pull the cape and gown off now. I could. I knew no one else would enter these woods. Everyone was afraid of the Dark Elms—even Sir Holland. But I kept my clothing on because walking in a slip or nude through the woods just seemed odd, even for me—

A sudden rustling of bushes stopped me mid-step. The sound…it had come from behind me. Spi

A shock of brown and red burst out from the foliage ahead, startling me. I stumbled and then jerked back against the trunk of the nearest elm, heart dropping at the flash of russet fur breaking through the trees. For a moment, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.

It was a kiyou wolf.

They were the largest breed of wolves in all the kingdoms. I’d often heard their calls in the woods, and sometimes even from within the castle. But I’d only seen one up close; when I was half the size I was now. The white wolf.

Every single muscle in my body locked. I didn’t dare make a sound or breathe too deeply. Kiyou wolves were notoriously fierce, as wild as they were beautiful, and not exactly friendly. If someone got too close to them, they usually paid dearly for it, and I prayed it didn’t see me. That it wasn’t hungry. Because I hadn’t even reached for my blade. There was no way I could kill a wolf. A rat the size of a wild boar? Yes. That I could stab all day and night.

The wolf rushed over a moss-blanketed boulder, its hefty paws kicking up loose soil and small rocks. It took several shocking leaps past where I stood, seemingly unaware of me. I still didn’t move as it went to jump again. My breath caught when it stumbled. The wolf’s legs simply crumpled beneath it, and it went down onto its side with a heavy thud.

Then I saw what had caused the creature to collapse.

My heart sank at the sight. An arrow protruded from where its chest rose and fell in ragged, too-shallow breaths. Its fur wasn’t a reddish-brown. That was blood. A lot of blood.

The wolf tried to gain its footing, but it couldn’t get its legs under itself. I glanced in the direction it had come. Wayfair. The wolf must’ve gotten too close to the edges of the forest and had been spotted by one of the archers stationed on the i

My gaze swept back to the wolf. Please be all right. Please be all right. I repeated the words over and over, even though I knew that the poor animal wasn’t okay. Still, the childish hope was a powerful one.

The wolf stopped trying to stand, its breathing becoming labored and more uneven as I peeled away from the tree. I winced as a twig snapped under my weight, but the wolf barely stirred or noticed. Barely breathed.

I was truly experiencing a temporary lapse in sanity while creeping forward. The animal was wounded, but even a dying creature could lash out and do damage. And it was definitely dying. The whites of the wolf’s eyes were too stark. Its brown eyes didn’t track my movements. The chest didn’t move. The kiyou wolf was still.

Too still.

Just like that terrible man’s chest had been when I tore the pouch of coins free. Just like Odetta’s chest was every time I checked in on her.

I tipped forward, staring at the animal. Blood trickled from its open mouth as tears pricked my eyes. I didn’t cry. Hadn’t since the night I’d failed. But I had a soft spot for animals—well, except for barrats. Animals didn’t judge. They didn’t care about worthiness. They didn’t choose to use or hurt another. They simply lived and expected to either be left alone or loved. That was all.

I was kneeling at the wolf’s side before I even realized I’d moved, reaching for the animal. I halted before my skin touched fur, sucking in a shuddering breath. My mother’s words from long ago echoed through my thoughts. Do not ever do that again. Do you understand me? Never do that again. I looked around, seeing nothing in the darkened woods. I knew I was alone. I was always alone in these woods.

My heart hammered as I thrust my mother’s voice from my mind and gripped the arrow’s shaft. No one would know. My hands warmed again, like they had when Nor’s heart had beat its last, but this time, I didn’t ignore it or will the feeling away. I welcomed it. I called it forward.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, yanking the arrow free. The sound it made turned my stomach, as did the iron-rich scent in the air.

The wolf showed no reaction as blood slowly leaked out, a sure sign that the heart had stopped beating. I didn’t hesitate even a moment longer.

I did what I’d done in the barn when I was six years old and realized that Butters, our old barn cat, had died. It was the same thing I’d done only a few times since I learned what I could do.

I sank my hand into the blood-soaked fur. The center of my chest thrummed, and the dizzying rush flooded my veins to spread across my skin. Heat flowed down my arms, reminding me of the feeling of standing too close to an open flame, and slid over and between my fingers.

I simply wished for the wolf to live.

That was what I’d done with Butters as I held the cat in my arms. It’s what I’d done those few times before. Whatever wound or injury that had taken them simply vanished. It all seemed unbelievable, but that was my gift. It allowed me to sense that a death had just occurred—like it had done with Andreia.

It also brought the dead back to life, but not like what had been done to the seamstress.

Thank the Primals and gods for that.

My heart beat once, twice, and then three times. The kiyou wolf’s chest rose suddenly under my hand. I jerked back, falling on my rear.

The heat throbbed and then faded away from my hands as the kiyou wolf scrambled to its feet, its eyes rolling wildly until they landed on me. I went still once more, both hands in the air as the wolf stared, ears pi

Please don’t bite my hand off. Please don’t bite my hand off. I really needed my hand for lots of things—like eating, dressing, handling weapons…

The wolf’s ears perked as it sniffed the hand free of its blood. Fear punched through me. Oh, gods, it was going to bite my hand, and I’d have no one to blame but—

The wolf licked the center of my palm and then turned, ru

“You’re welcome,” I whispered, all but sinking into a puddle of relief on the ground.

Heart racing, I looked down at my hands. The blood that smeared my palm was dark against my skin. I wiped away what I could in the cool grass beside me.

I’d never used my gift on an animal I hadn’t seen pass, and I had never used it on a mortal, even though I’d come close with Odetta. If she hadn’t been alive…

I would’ve broken my rule.

I believed all living beings had souls. Animals were one thing, and mortals were completely different. To bring back a mortal felt unthinkable. It was…it seemed like a line that couldn’t be uncrossed, and there was too much power in that—in the choice to intervene or not. That was the kind of power and choice I didn’t want.

No one knew how I’d gained such a gift or why I’d been marked for death before I was even born. It made no sense that I would carry an ability that linked me to the Primal of Life—to Kolis. Had he somehow learned of the deal and imparted me with the gift? Was that what Odetta had meant when she claimed the Arae had said that I was touched by both life and death? He was the King of Gods, after all. I imagined there was very little he didn’t know.

I lifted my palms once more. I hadn’t known when I entered the barn with Ezra that Tavius had followed us. When he saw what I’d done, he’d run straight for the Queen, who had been afraid that using such a gift would anger the Primal of Death.

Maybe she was right.

Perhaps that was why the Primal of Death had decided that he no longer needed a Consort. After all, I carried the ability to steal souls away from him.

There seemed to be many reasons…

I thought of when Sir Holland had sat me down after the incident with Butters and explained that I hadn’t done anything wrong by bringing Butters back. That it wasn’t something to fear. He had helped me, at six years old, to understand why I had to be careful.