Me Tanner, You Jane

Bowman said, “Let me try, Ta

I said, “Oh.”

“Saves time.”

The Pe

Bowman carried Sheena into one of the bedrooms and tucked her in, piling her animal skins on top of her. Plum collected items of clothing from us and went into the utility room, where she put them through the washing machine. I stayed in that gorgeous spotless kitchen and made a pot of coffee and began cooking things.

We ate, drank coffee, ate more, drank more coffee. I took a plate of food to Sheena, untied her, fed her, tied her up again. She was terrible company but there was really nothing to be done about it; the Jane personality could only be brought to the surface through a singular form of shock treatment. I went back to the kitchen. Plum reported that our clothes had largely fallen apart in the washing machine. We were wearing various articles which the Pe

“The thing is,” Bowman said, “that we all ought to get to sleep soon as we can.”

“Actually,” I said, “I’m not all that tired.”

“Man, you been goin’ for the longest time. You better get some sleep for yourself.”

“Evan hardly sleeps at all,” Plum said.

“Just buildin’ up for a real breakdown, that’s all you’re doin’, man.”

But I was a real pain in the neck. I just didn’t feel like going to sleep, and I seemed determined to keep everyone awake while forcing cup after cup of bad coffee into all of us. I was bursting with plans, plans for recovering the treasure, plans for getting out of Modonoland undiscovered. No one else seemed even vaguely interested in discussing these plans, or indeed in discussing anything at all. Bowman appeared distinctly irritated, while Plum merely looked exhausted. I was oblivious to all of this. Coffeepot in one hand and machete in the other – I just always seemed to have that machete in my hand, strangely enough – I led the way into the family room and switched on the radio.

“A family room,” I said. “A radio, a color television set, a record player, a tape recorder – this is great, isn’t it? I’ll have to have all of these things when I have my house in the suburbs. All the latest things, all the conveniences.” I was babbling. “An electric wall-to-wall carpet. An automatic spoon. An electric blackboard in living color.”

“It sounds very Donald Duck,” Plum said.

Bowman said, “Donald Duck?”

“She means Mickey Mouse,” I explained. He seemed no less mystified than before, and no more interested. He suggested that I was out on my feet and that we ought to get to sleep.

I had stalled as long as I could. The radio had yielded nothing in the way of news, just some u

There was another bedroom with a cot in it, and there was a somewhat forbidding couch in the family room. I told Bowman I would take it. He did not agree.

“Not a chance, baby. You been livin’ on nerves since we co

“But you’re too big for the couch.”

“I’m too long for the bed is what I am. I get uncomfortable in them little cots. On a couch, now, I can put my feet up on the armrest and be right comfortable.”

“If you’re sure.”

“I’m sure.”

I went into the bedroom and closed the door. I stretched out on the bed and waited. He was right. I had been living on nerves for far too long, and I was tired, and my eyes were heavy, heavy.

I had trouble staying in that room. A couple of times I wanted to go in and check, but didn’t. Then I heard the couch creak as he got up from it, and I heard his steps on the floor of the family room. I had unplugged the bedside lamp earlier and wrapped the cord around the base, and now I grabbed it up and stood to the side of the door, ready to take him the minute he gave me a clear shot. I was going to have one shot and one shot only, and if I didn’t get him the first try I could kiss my ass good-by. I had seen him in action. I knew.

The footsteps approached, stopped. There was a long moment of silence. Then his hand settled on the knob, and I saw the knob on my side of the door move slightly.

He spoke my name once, waited, said it again louder. I didn’t say anything. The doorknob turned. The door opened slowly, very slowly, and his head came through, and my hand tightened on the lamp as I readied myself for the blow.

He took one step inside, his eyes peering at my bed, and I was ready to strike when his jaw worked spasmodically and he started down. I never touched him. He fell like a tree, fell in one stiff-legged motion, fell neatly forward and smacked his head on the floor.

He slept for ten hours. He came to late in the afternoon. I was sitting by the side of the bed when consciousness returned. He tensed his muscles and strained, and veins stood out on his temples and forehead and a pulse worked in his throat. I thought for a moment that he would burst his bonds. I had tied him up securely with half a dozen electrical cords and Mrs. Pe

He went limp again, his eyes opened, and he saw me. He became extremely scrutable. A full complement of emotions played over his handsome face.

He said, “You were ready for me.”

“I was.”

“You weren’t asleep.”

“I wasn’t.”

“You hit me with something.”

“Never touched you.”

“I feel like I been drugged.”

“That’s what happened, all right.”

“With what?”

“Opium.”

The eyes widened. “How?”

“In your coffee. I gathered a little of it every time I wandered into the fields.”

“And here I thought you had dysentery, Ta

“It was harvest time on the old plantation,” I went on. “Did you ever see how they gather opium? A week or so after the petals drop they cut into the fruit. Then they let it go on ripening, and the good stuff drains out of the opium fruit and hardens. Then they go through again and collect it.”

“And you put it in my coffee.”

“Uh-huh.”

“How’d you know how much to use?”

“I didn’t. I wasn’t worried about using too much. After all, it was completely raw opium. Not refined into morphine or codeine or anything. The only thing I was worried about was that you would taste it in the coffee.”