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"Then when I dropped in at Hair Apparent I overheard a woman talking about something personal, and I realized women tell their hairdressers everything, and I got a list of similar burglaries committed in the immediate area of the beauty parlor."
"And you found some of the names in their appointment book when you went there this morning. Bern? Wasn't that doing it the hard way? Couldn't you have just called the burglary victims and asked where they got their hair done?"
"I thought of that. But that wouldn't prove Wanda got her hair done at Hair Apparent. Besides, if I couldn't find any of the other names in the appointment book, I could always write them in myself."
"Falsify evidence, you mean."
"I think of it more as supplying evidence than falsifying it. For another thing, I could have wound up spending hours on the phone without reaching anybody. People tend to go out on Saturday night. But maybe the most important reason, aside from the fact that I'm a burglar and it's natural for a burglar to take a burglaristic approach to problems, is that I wanted to see about the gun."
"The gun?"
"The one Marilyn brought to my apartment. I was relieved to find it in a drawer. She'd said she had put it back, but if I didn't find it I was going to assume it was still in her purse, and that would have meant tipping off Ray so that she didn't get a chance to pull it when I exposed her role in the burglaries."
"I see."
"Uh, Carolyn-"
"Shit. You probably want to talk about Denise."
"I don't know what I want to. But I think we have to. Don't we?"
"Double shit. Yeah, I guess we probably do." She finished her martini, looked around in vain for the waiter, then gave up and put her glass down. "Well, I'll be damned if I know how it happened, Bern. God knows I didn't plan it."
"You didn't even like her."
"Like her? I couldn't stand her."
"And she wasn't crazy about you."
"She despised me. Detested me. Thought of me as a dwarf who smelled like a wet dog."
"And you thought she was bony and gawky."
"Well, I was wrong, wasn't I?"
"How did it-"
"I don't know, Bern." The waiter sailed by and she caught him by the hem of his jacket and pressed her empty glass into his hand. "It's an emergency," she told him, and to me she said, "I swear I don't know how it happened. I guess there must have been an attraction all along and our hostility was a cover-up for it."
"Best cover-up since Watergate."
"Just about. The thing is I feel awful about it and so does Denise. We started off yesterday forcing ourselves to tolerate each other, and there was something in the air, and we both sensed it, and I decided to deny it, because I knew I didn't want to make a pass. In the first place she was your girlfriend and in the second place she wasn't gay."
"So?"
"So she kept getting flirtier and flirtier, and you know me, Bern, I can resist anything but temptation. She wound up making the pass, and-"
"Denise made the pass?"
"Yeah."
"I never suspected she was gay."
"I don't think she is. I think she's straight enough to own a goddamn poodle, if you want to know, but right now she wants to go on going to bed with me, and I figure what I'll do is take it a day at a time and see where it goes. I don't think it's the love affair of the century, and if it's going to fuck up our relationship, Bern, then what I figure is the hell with her. There's women all over the place, but where am I go
"It's okay, Carolyn."
"It's not okay. It's crazy."
"Don't worry about it. Denise and I weren't the love affair of the century, either. I called her the other day primarily because I figured I might need an alibi. You don't have to tell her that, but it's true."
"She already knows. She said so herself as a way of justifying our going to bed together."
"Well, what the hell."
"You're not upset?"
"I don't know what I am exactly. Confused, mainly. You know the story about the guy whose wife dies and he's all broken up at the funeral, and his best friend takes him aside and tells him how he'll get over it?"
"It sounds familiar. Keep going."
"Well, the best friend says that he'll get over it, the pain and loss will fade, and after a few months he'll actually start dating again, and he'll find a woman he responds to, and he'll fall in love and go to bed with her and start building a new life. And the bereaved widower says, 'Yeah, sure, I know all that, but what am I going to do tonight?'"
"Oh."
"Somehow I think Marilyn Margate is out. Even if somebody posts bail for her, I have a feeling she wouldn't welcome me with open arms."
"Not now. How come you threw her to the wolves? You didn't have to, did you?"
"Well, it didn't hurt. Improved the case against Colca
"I thought, you know, honor among thieves and all. She and Harlan and Rabbit are fellow burglars or something, so I didn't think you'd tip them to the cops."
"Fellow burglars? You saw what they did on Eighteenth Street."
"Yeah."
"They weren't burglars. They were barbarians. The best thing I could do for the profession of burglary was get them the hell out of it."
"I suppose." She sipped at her new martini. "She was pretty cheap-looking, anyway."
"True."
"She must have been really sluttish in that red and black outfit."
"You might say so."
"Still," she said thoughtfully, "I can see how she'd be very attractive to someone who liked the type."
"Uh-huh."
"I like the type, myself."
"So do I."
"Of course it's not the only type I like."
"Same here."
"Bernie? You're not mad at me? You don't hate me?"
"Of course not."
"We're still buddies?"
"You bet."
"We're still partners in crime? I'm still your henchperson?"
"Count on it."
"Then everything's okay."
"Yeah, everything's okay. 'But what am I go
"Good question." She stood up. "Well, I know what I'm go
"Yeah, I'll bet you do. Give my love to Denise."
After she left I thought about having another Irish coffee, or a martini, or any of a number of other things, but I didn't really want anything to drink. Some of Abel's ancient Armagnac might have tempted me but I didn't figure they'd have it in stock. I settled our tab, added a tip, and went for a walk.
I didn't consciously aim my feet at Washington Square but that's where they took me all the same. I bought a Good Humor, the special flavor of the month, something with a lot of goo on the outside and a fudgy chocolate core inside the ice cream. I decided it might give me one of Carolyn's sugar hangovers and I decided I didn't give a damn.
For one reason or another I kept bench-hopping, sitting in one place for a few minutes and then turning restless and scouting out another perch. I watched the dealers and the drunks and the junkies and the young mothers and the courting couples and the drug dealers and the three-card-monte con artists and the purveyors of one thing or another, and I watched the joggers relentlessly threading their way through the walkers as they made their endless counterclockwise circuits of the park, and I watched the children and wondered, not for the first time, where the hell they got their energy.
I was still restless. For a change I had more energy than the children and no place to direct it. I got up after a while and walked past the chess players to the corner of Fourth and MacDougal. I was wearing a suit and carrying an attaché case and my shoes were too wide and I had Morton's Foot, but what the hell.
I tucked the case under my arm and started jogging. And that would be as good a place as any to leave it, except that Jessica Garland turned up at my store a few days later with the two books I'd read from at the service. She said she wasn't a student of moral philosophy herself, and would I like to have Spinoza and Hobbes in remembrance of Abel?